Recovery
by Riza Winters
Summary: Two years since the Soul Reapers captured Grimmjow. Two years Kurotsuchi has spent unmaking him. Ichigo discovers the terrible truth, but the Grimmjow he knew may already be gone. He sets out to help Grimmjow recover, but when he starts reading reports of what happened to Grimmjow, he realizes just what a challenge he has taken on. Big time H/C and Grimmjow whomp.
1. Chapter 1

"They've sentenced him to death."

"What?" Ichigo looked up from his research, the papers splayed around him at the library study table. Rukia slid into the seat next to him her hair shorter now, made her seem a little bit older but still out of place on a university campus. She zipped her sweater closer in the chill of the air conditioning and lowered her voice.

"Ichigo, at this point it's merciful."

"What does that mean?" He dropped his pen and shut his laptop to look at her straight on. It had been four years since Aizen's defeat, two since the end of the Vandenreich. He hadn't been involved in Soul Reapers affairs much since- only the occasional hollow or visit from Rukia or Renji. He'd actually managed to pass his first year at university.

"It means it's been two years- two years of interrogation."

"Wait, what?" Ichigo stood, not noticing the many other students who gave him an extremely offended look as their studies were interrupted by his outburst. But he ignored them as he stared down on Rukia. "What does that mean?"

"Why else do you think the Soul Reapers have kept him prisoner for so long? Why not just execute him?"

"Because he fought _them_ in the end."

"For selfish reasons, nothing more. We were all afraid of the Vandenriech. And you can't forget what he did to you before all of that. And to me."

"Yes I know, Rukia. He almost killed you, he tried to kill me, but when the whole world was at stake-"

"Just because he didn't kill Urahara and the others in Hueco Mundo when he found them doesn't absolve him of that. And a few dead Vandenreich certainly doesn't make up for his sins. Not even what he did for Orihime."  
"Yes, and so you imprisoned him, I get it. But what do you mean by interrogation?"  
"He has been in the care of the Twelfth Division since the day he was captured."

Ichigo sat again, slowly, his face changing to dark dread. "Oh Hell.."

"Ichigo don't forget-"

"Why did you come here then?"

"I just thought you deserved to know."

"I'm going back with you."

"What?"

"You heard me."  
"Ichigo you haven't been back in two years, it's for the best, it's time you moved on with your life."

"No. Not like this. It isn't right."

"Ichigo-"

"I've decided. Let's go."

He shoved papers and laptop into a bag and slung it over his shoulder before shoving his chair under the desk. With a sigh, she rose as well, following him from the library.

* * *

They arrived in the Seireitei within the hour. Rukia straightened her lieutenant's badge and followed after Ichigo, attempting to give him warnings which he didn't heed.

He didn't go to the Head Captain, or the Central 46, he went straight to the Twelfth Division. He shoved past lesser soul reapers and made his way down through the twisting stair case of the lab. Rukia got held up behind him somewhere, attempting to explain what was happening, so he was alone when he came to the darkest part of the Twelfth, maybe even all of Soul Society and forced open the door of the cell.

He could barely see the interior, nothing on the walls or floor, not a cot, not a basin of water or plate of food. Not a blanket against the chill, or a light against the dark. But there, in one corner, hands bound to one another, he lay against the wall, never turning to look at who entered.

"No way..." Ichigo approached him, saw he was naked save a pair of black shorts on a near skeletal form. He knelt and looked at him eye level, though he never looked back.

"Two years..." Ichigo breathed, reaching out a hand. But thin shoulders hunched, face pressed closed into the wall behind him and he flinched at the prospect of contact.

"Hey, it's okay..." Ichigo found himself soothing, "I'm not going to hurt you."

He got no response. He hung his head, in shame, in horror.

"I should never have let this happen. I'm sorry, Grimmjow."

* * *

**Two and Half Years Ago.**

Ichigo screamed Urahara's name into the soul pager but the call was cut short. The shop keeper looked to the broken pager in the sand and then up the shaft of the blade that had ripped it form his hands.

"It's you."

"You were the Soul Reaper at the shop." Grimmjow responded. "And I hear you had a role in taking down Aizen."

Urahara considered him. "Yes."  
"I see." Grimmjow glanced beyond him to the others- Orihime, Chad and Nel and her brothers. "You're not alone."

"No."

"Where is he?"

"Who?" The blade dug dangerously close along the sensitive flesh of his neck.

"You know who. If _she's_ here, then he must be too." He looked to Oirhime again.

"Oh. Him."

The blade dug deeper and Kisuke hissed as blood trailed from his neck.

"Stop!" Orihime begged. "Grimmjow, please."

"Why should I?"

"Because you're scared, aren't you." The blade immediately left Urahara to point at her.

"What did you say, girl?"

"I said you're afraid, aren't you? The Vanderneich have invaded your home. You're on the run."

"I'm not running from anyone. I just wanted to know where your boyfriend is."  
He succeeded in making her blush but not in getting her to back down.

"Why? What would you do if her were here now?"

"I'd kick his ass."

"So you haven't changed."

"No. Disappointed?"

"Yes." He was stopped by her bluntness. He considered her for several long seconds before sheathing Pantera.

"I'm not interested in you lot." Urahara stood and looked to the body of Kirge next to them.

"You defeated him in one strike."

"Your point?" Grimmjow looked on the verge of sodinoing away but perhaps a small spark of pride or curiosity stayed him.

"We could hardly put a dent in him."

He smirked. "Course not. You haven't figured out how to penetrate their Blutt."

"Is that so? Enlighten me."

"You wish, Soul Reaper."

"It's a common enemy. Everyone that I kill, is one less to track you down."  
Grimmjow narrowed his eyes. "I don't need the help of Soul Reapers. And I'm definitely not sharing information with them. Unless you happen to know the whereabouts of Ichigo Kurosaki."

"I do. He was trapped on his way to Soul Society by this Vandenreich,"

"KISUKE!" Orihime protested.

"Oh?" Grimmjow's hand found the hilt of Pantera again. "Really?"  
He moved to the body of the quincy he had just cut in half and dug something out of his pocket. "Then I get to have my rematch after all." He shattered whatever the object was he'd taken from Kirge, and the air broke around them. Black light opened like a giant maw and Ichigo came tumbling back out into silver sands.

"Kisuke!" he sputtered, already half in tears, having heard the desperate voices of so many Soul Reapers. "Please hurry, send me back, Soul Society is-" he stopped short when he finally noticed Grimmjow.

"Kurosaki." He greeted.

"Grimmjow...no." he shook his orange mop of hair. "NO!"

Grimmjow was a little taken aback. He didn't expect the teen to react quite so desperately or fearful in his presence. He expected that arrogance he remembered from seventeen months ago.

"Renji, Rukia, Byakuya.." Ichigo whispered, "I heard them, I heard them dying." His voice cracked but he took hold of Zangetsu and unsheathed him, facing the espada. "I won't let you stop me from saving them."

Grimmjow narrowed his eyes, remembering similar words when Ichigo had gone to rescue Orihime.

"Fine." He said. "Then go."

"What?"

"I'll just stay here, with your friends." He smiled evilly and looked to Orihime. Ichigo's shoulders bunched.

"DAMN IT GRIMMJOW!" His fury was all human but just as deep and angry as his hollow side. "Don't you understand- I'll rip my way through anything that gets in my way- including you."

"Fine." He unsheathed Pantera. "Bring it on."

But a spray of sand caught them both off guard and Grimmjow found himself parrying a blow. He rolled back in the sand from the strike and came up just in time before he was beheaded. The Stern Ritter who had attacked didn't waste time with formalities or asking questions, he simply struck to kill.

When he managed to send Grimmjow back with blood spewing from his mouth, he turned his attention on Ichigo. The teen struggled to hold back his attacks as well and they momentarily disappeared in a slew of silver dust.

"ICHIGO!" Urahara shot a kido at the beast but the next instant there was a blade through his side.

"Kisuke." Orihime caught him when the blade slid free but did not see the second strike coming.

The blade intended for Orihime swung wide when Grimmjow slashed through his back. The Stern Ritter lurched but swung back, catching Grimmjow in the neck, a dangerous cut that spilt blood all down his front, threatening to take his life with it if he didn't staunch the flow. One hand against the wound, he raised his sword with the other to stop the ensuing attacks but it was hardly enough. When he went down, he knew it was over.

But that damned orange-haired teen got in the way, just like with Nnoitra. And the enemy hit sand when he was struck with a Getsuga Tenshou.

"There." He breathed when the Vandrenreich fell back in the sands. "Now do you understand? I won't waste my time, these guys are too dangerous." He watched Grimmjow stand again, hand against his neck drenched in blood, but his cold eyes turned to the Vandenreich.

"I suppose you think I owe you twice now." He spoke coldly. "For Nnoitra and now this guy."  
"I don't think you owe me anything. But if that would convince you to leave me alone-" "You're right-" Grimmjow moved faster than he could see and there was a sharp ring in the air right next to his ear. Pantera shoved the Vandenreich's sword aside and Grimmjow raised a hand to the soldier. It wasn't a cero he formed, but he spoke quick words of an incantation Ichigo had never heard. The moment he was finished he drove a knee into the gut of the enemy before bringing Pantera around again and beheading him. A spray of blood flew back in Grimmjow's face but he ignored it as he looked to Ichigo, the enemy's body at his feet. "I don't owe you anything, not anymore."

He flicked the blood from Pantera and sheathed him, booting the head across the sands.

"You didn't come to fight me?"

"Don't be so full of yourself. I haven't been thinking about you for the past year and a half."

"Good."

"I just needed to get that debt out of the way."

"Okay."

"Don't think I won't mess you up next time we meet. I still wouldn't mind throwing you down." He warned, preparing to leave.

"Grimmjow, wait." Ichigo followed after him a few paces. "How did you do that? How do we fight these guys?"

"I already told the other one, I'm not teaming up with-"

"Grimmjow. If you're so bent on repaying debts then consider what Orihime did for you. She healed your arm and you may have saved her after that- but then she healed me on your request- and you for that matter. So you still owe her. And telling me this will help protect her."

Grimmjow stiffened, blue eyes narrowing.

"So, Grimmjow, how do we defeat them?"

* * *

**Present**

"Sir, the information Grimmjow gave us was key to our victory of the Vandenreich. An argument could be made that without that information the battle would have been lost."

Ichigo stood in what closely resembled a court room of earth, but above him instead of a judge were several aged and challenging faces of the members of the Central 46.

"We understand your reasoning," one spoke, "but he was still an enemy, and he still committed heinous crimes."

"Yes." Ichigo agreed. "Against _me._" He saw the shift in several eyes above. "Grimmjow targeted _me,_ he attacked _me,_ and tried to kill _me_. I'm not saying he didn't attack others, I know this, I don't discount this, but the bulk of his crimes were against me and I do not press charges."

He knew he was using terms from earth but they seemed to get the point across any way.

"You would absolve him of his crimes against you?"

Ichigo wasn't sure about that, but in order to get what he wanted he agreed. "Yes."

"Then we call an adjournment for further consideration."

The court broke up, Ichigo stepped out of the central lights.

"Ichigo, you shouldn't be doing this."  
"You know me, Rukia. I have to."

"You're right. I do know you, and you're about to get yourself way in over your head. Again."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, if they agree, what do you think is going to happen? Grimmjow won't be killed, but he'll still be a prisoner, forever, and that's going to bother you, isn't it?"

"What, no I-"

"Yes, Ichigo. I am sorry. I should never have told you about his execution."

"Can't they just let him go back to Hueco Mundo?"

"No, Ichigo, they can't. Besides, it would be just as much of a death sentence the way he is now."

Ichigo quieted. He had been in that cell for fifteen minutes before someone dragged him out and the entire time Grimmjow had barely moved and not spoken at all.

"Then it must bother you too." He said more calmly now. "For you to have come to me."

"Perhaps you are right." she intoned softly. "I knew he was a prisoner, but it wasn't until...later, that I realized what has been going on."

"Rukia, what _has_ been going on?"

"You have to understand Ichigo, that Aizen created the Espada specifically to attack the Soul Reapers. And on the heels of the battle with the Vandenreich that cost us so many lives- they were desperate to get any information that might help us defend ourselves in future. Grimmjow was the last Espada- the last evidence of how powerful hollows can become. Not only that, but he knew things. What Aizen trained them to do, what weaknesses he identified in the Soul Reapers, what his plans were- you can't forget they were unable to execute Aizen, he's still in captivity and many still fear he will some day escape and harm us again. And besides that, Grimmjow knew more about the Vandenreich than we ever learned in the course of the war. We had to know all we could in case more quincies appeared."

"Rukia, you're justifying things, but not telling me what happened. Please. What did they do to him?"

"Everything, Ichigo. Everything you can imagine and everything you can't."

* * *

_**This is a HUGE Hurt/Comfort story, less about the plot and action and more about the H/C aspect and the relationship between Ichigo and Grimmjow. I just had this H/C urge in my system from writing "Silence in the Shadows" and decided to go with it. Thought I'd share, not sure if it will interest you, but more to come if there is interest.**_

_**Riza.**_


	2. Chapter 2

"It has been decided that should a time arise that we find ourselves needing more information, and since he is the last of his kind, it would be best not to execute the Sixth Espada at this time."

The decision rang out in a near empty chamber of the Central 46. Most soul reapers were not even aware of Grimmjow's presence in Soul Society not to mention his trial. Ichigo stood.

"What does this mean?"

"It means he will remain in prison."

"No. I've seen him, I can't let that happen."

"What do you mean?"

Ichigo had thought this out carefully. "As far as I could see when I was in his cell a few days ago, he was barely alive. He will die there. He can't be kept in such conditions."

"The only way to free him of his current condition is to release him into the care of a guardian. Unless someone in this court today will step up to such a position, then he will remain where he is."

Ichigo met Rukia's gaze.

"No." she insisted. "Ichigo don't."

The Head Captain and Soifon were the only others present. Ichigo glanced at them, seeing the challenging glared in Yamamoto, but he also knew after all that Ichigo had done for them in their last battle, he would not stop him.

"I will." He spoke firmly. "I will be his guardian."  
"You are a substitute." He was challenged immediately by the court. "Your place of residence is in the world of the living."

"I will take him there. Put him a gigai, he'll be harmless."

They considered.

"Only if you are seconded by a full representative of the shinigami."  
He looked to Rukia. She looked back, her mouth set firmly.

"Please, Rukia."

"Ichigo, you can't ask-"

"I am. I'm sorry, Rukia, but I am asking you this."

She closed her eyes but nodded. "Okay," then she turned to the court, "I will be his seconder."

"Then it is settled, Grimmjow Jaggerjaques will be confined to a gigai and released into the custody of Ichigo Kurosaki until such time as he is needed again. Everyone dismissed."

* * *

"Ichigo, you got a new apartment?" Ichigo looked up from the bus stop bench.

"Orihime, yeah." He stood up and gave her a quick kiss. "How was your day?"

"It was fine, it's just..why wouldn't you tell me about the new apartment?"

"It happened pretty fast, if you have some time, I'll explain."

"Sure." They got on the bus and headed up to the same apartment building Ichigo had been living in, but they got off a floor earlier and he lead them to a two bedroom.

"Oh, you've moved in with someone?" She asked, no hint of jealousy, she and Ichigo weren't ready for that stage of their relationship yet and she guessed he and Chad maybe wanted to split the bills.

"Um, well, someone is going to move in with me..." He took her hand when he spotted the first Soul Reaper doing something to the walls.

"Oh, hello." Orihime greeted but only got a curt nod. "What's going on Ichigo?"

"They're spiritually locking down this place."  
"But I still feel my powers."

"No against ours, but hollow power."  
"What?"

"The person who's coming to stay with me, is Grimmjow."

* * *

Ichigo had expected a bombshell like that to send Orihime out the door, but then, in hindsight, he should have known that was not her nature. He took her into his bedroom and sat her down to explain the whole situation he'd gotten himself in.

"He's currently in the Fourth Division, Unohana suggested it be better she do a medical exam before he's released to me. And Soifon sent the Stealth Squad to do all this to the apartment. It means he won't be able to leave or use his powers and he'll be in a gigai. He'll be harmless."

She just nodded. "You said he was different."  
He had tried to shield the truth from her but it was pointless- it was the whole reason he was doing all of this.

"I just couldn't sit here and let it all happen. Not after-"

"He saved me."

"Yeah. I guess. I mean I understand why they arrested him, but I always just thought that if he hadn't been, he might have come to our side. It was hard to tell with all that was going on, but I think he was ready to stop fighting. To not be alone."  
"Mm. I know what you mean. Especially by the end, he was almost one of us. Ichigo, you are wonderful."  
"Thank you, Orihime."

"I'll help you."

"I know. I'm grateful."

* * *

"Why is he still in chains?" Ichigo demanded when he arrived to take Grimmjow back.

"He's still a prisoner, Ichigo." Soifon said. "And you didn't need to come, we are delivering him."

"I wanted to." It seemed like the entire Stealth Squad had come out for this. Soifon was clearly against the entire plan.

"And I'm glad you did." Unohana came up behind them. "Ichigo, could I speak with you?"

"Yes." He left the Stealth Squad to take Grimmjow through. They wouldn't leave him alone in the apartment until Ichigo got there anyway. "What is it?"

"I wanted to give you my report." she handed him a decent sized folder.

"Whoa."

"I copied it for you, there should be nothing too medical you won't understand."

"Thanks. So, how is he?"

"Not well, Ichigo. I am afraid you've taken on a heavy burden." He just nodded. "His physical wounds were treated, there is nothing too complicated. It's the mental trauma that will be the problem."

"I guessed as much."

"Ichigo, he hasn't spoken in over a year."

"What?" She nodded grimly.

"I managed to acquire these as well." She presented a very thick stack of papers, printed on long sheets from a machine- Kurotsuchi's computer logs.

"He kept a log of every day. It's the only thing, I think, that could help you understand him."

"Have you read them?"

"Only skimmed, I just had Grimmjow for a day, so I spent most of my time trying to make him as comfortable as possible."

"Did you know? All this time, what was happening?"

"It's there, in the reports."

"Thanks, for all of this." He took the mass of papers. "I better go back and meet them."

"Ichigo, wait." He turned to see Rukia coming over to him. "I'm going back with you."

"Rukia, I didn't mean to get you involved."

"Well I am, now. My captain gave me three days to help you get settled. After that I have to resume my duties as lieutenant, but I'll check up on you whenever I can."

"Thanks, Rukia." She didn't smile back.

"Let's go."

* * *

"They wouldn't let me in." Orihime hovered outside his apartment with several bags at her feet. He noted all kinds of foods, from melting ice cream to a bundle of radishes. "I thought you might need some things."

"Wow, thank you." He gave her a kiss on the cheek before opening the door. He stopped short, the entry way choked with members of the Stealth Squad. "Come on guys, is this really necessary?"  
"We're testing the barriers." the lieutenant explained, knocking on a wall and for an instant the network of yellow lines was visible. They were intricately woven over every inch of the place. "Remember, he can't leave here."

"I know."

"Even if he leaves his gigai."

"I know."

"So _don't_ burn the place down or anything."

"I know.

"  
"Okay." Omaeda clapped him on the shoulder. "Then good luck kid." He faced the others, "let's go."

Black figures were gone before he could register them. But one remained, leaning in the doorway of the room he'd designated for Grimmjow.

"Soifon."

"Why did you do this?" She turned to face him.

"You don't know?"

Her eyes shifted sideways, in memory and thought.

"I do." Her voice was soft, unconsciously a hand ran over the scar that had been left on her cheek two years ago. "But they were right," she turned away from him and looked in on the form beyond the threshold. "It would have been more merciful to kill him."

And then she too, was gone.

"What did she mean by that?" Orihime asked at his back. His fingers clenched around the papers in his grasp.

"I guess we'll find out." He left the papers on the kitchen table. "Could you wait out here for a moment?"  
She nodded. He glanced at Rukia and they moved into the room.

The lights were off. The blinds drawn. Soifon must have done that, he didn't really know why until he flicked the light on an Grimmjow immediately reacted.

"Don't." Rukia turned if off at once. "He's been in the dark for too long."

Grimmjow still had a hand raised to his face, covering his eyes. The room had a bed and a chair and table, but nothing more at the moment, Ichigo didn't know what might be appropriate. But Grimmjow sat on neither, he sat on the floor against the wall, in exactly the same position he'd been in back in the Twelfth. Ichigo noted the chains.

"Can we take those off now?"

"You can do what you want, he's your prisoner."

"No he's not." Ichigo said angrily.

"Then what is he?" The young man didn't answer. He approached Grimmjow and noticed the key left on the chair. At least Soifon had given him that.

"Here." He reached out and took hold of Grimmjow's hand. The other flinched but didn't pull away. He drew his hands from his face and put the key in the lock.

Shackles fell from long chaffed wrists, scars etched into the flesh form years of friction. Blue eyes turned at his naked wrists, before shutting as if in pain. He curled his arms around his stomach. Ichigo watched him in disbelief, imagining that the removal of the chains would bring relief, comfort.

"Grimmjow..."

The espada turned his head to the side, pressed into the wall like before.

"Just know that you're safe now."

He stood up, Rukia put a hand in his and led him back out before shutting the door. Orihime had started a meal, but stopped when she saw how shaken Ichigo was.

"What is it?" He just shook his head.

"He's a broken man." Rukia explained. "It is a bit shocking to see."

"Oh..."

But the lieutenant smiled and joined her side by the pot close to boiling over on the stove. "What are you making?"

Orihime began explaining her latest concoction and Ichigo took up the papers again. He caught Rukia's eye but moved into his bedroom and shut the door.

* * *

**Twenty nine months ago.**

"A month of fighting and we've still got nothing." Ichigo sighed next to Yoruichi as they took a break on the palace steps.

"Not nothing, Ichigo, we pushed the Vandenreich back out of Soul Society."  
"But they sealed the Head Captain's Bankai."

"We still have yours. And Renji's, Ikkaku's and Yumichika's. Lucky so many of them had concealed Bankais."

"I guess. Where do you think Juha went?"

"I still think he has to be here somewhere. He got burned pretty bad by the Head Captain. I bet he's recovering in hiding."

"He is." A third voice joined them suddenly.

"Soifon." Yoruichi stood. "What are you talking about?"

"I just received confirmation from the Twelfth division- they've pinpointed his spiritual pressure to this realm."

"That's not much of a pinpoint." Ichigo argued. "They couldn't be more specific?"

"It saves us searching Soul Society and the World of the Living." She shot back. "Now we can concentrate our efforts here. You should call Urahara."

"Okay." He dropped down a few steps to make the call. Thunder sounded in the distance. He had heard it often, but rain never fell, and no cloud ever darkened that abiding moon.

Urahara picked up, he began to explain the news but another sonic boom in the distance was followed by yellow light that seemed to shoot their way.

"GET DOWN!" Ichigo cried vainly when he realized it was an attack. The stair erupted, marble chunks flew like shrapnel, something struck him in the knee and he screamed as the knee cap shattered.

"Dammit." He choked in the sand. Blood came from his ears, steam from his white powdered body.

"Lady Yoruichi!"

He looked up at the screech, his eyes shot up the stair to see the dark woman hanging in grip of a Stern Ritter. It was not one Ichigo recognized, so he didn't know anything of his power, though he guessed it had to do with explosions. "Take your hands off of her."

He moved so fast. Ichigo saw Yoruichi drop, choking from the pressure that had been on her throat. Soifon met his blade, but he was huge, muscles bulging, nearly twice as tall as her and she stumbled on the step. She didn't fall, but it was enough for him to catch her with a sharp hit to the ribs and floor her.

"So you care about this one?" He turned back to Yoruichi and his foot found her stomach. She was already half suffocating but now blood lurched up her throat. He repeated the action.

"STOP!" Soifon dove, she was deflected. When she stood again he made to take off her head. Instead, the blade cut along her cheek, down to the bone as she barely managed to get out of the way on time. She dropped painfully on her side, clutching her face, but found him standing not over her, but Yoruichi, sword ready to drop down on her.

"NO!"

But then he was gone. The steps between the women bare. Ichigo finally managed to stand using Zangetsu as a crutch but he wasn't sure he could move forward or reach the women.

"What happened?"  
But his question was answered as sword clashes drew his eyes up to the sky above. There was a bellow of fury and then the pair were crashing in the silver sand just a few feet from him.

"Grimmjow?" His uniform was torn, his hair a mess, but he cackled as he hacked at the enemy. His blade looked almost on fire, it took Ichigo several minutes of watching the raging battle to understand that Grimmjow had engulfed his blade in a cero, adding fire and power to each swing. He must have been fighting this enemy earlier, and figured out his weakness. Eventually, he swung with enough force at the right moment and the creature crumbled. He stood heaving in the desert over the body.

"Grimmjow."

Ichigo didn't think the other had even noticed them.

"It's you." He gripped Pantera but was panting heavily, a wound gushed at his side and his hair was stained red. "You weren't trying to take my kill, were you Kurosaki?" He challenged nonetheless.

"He attacked us."

"His mistake then," Grimmjow seemed to decide not to fight Ichigo today, and slid Pantera in his sheath, wincing. "He shouldn't have counted me out so soon."  
"You're hurt."

"So are you."

"We could do more damage together."

Cold eyes cut into a cruel smile. "Never."

"Why?"  
"I've told you before. It's black and white. When a Soul Reaper and a Hollow meet, their only choice is to fight to the death."

"But it's not."

"It is." His fingers returned meaningfully to Pantera's hilt. "Maybe when this is all over, you'll finally get it."

"Ichigo!" Soifon called from the top of the stairs. "Yoruichi needs help."

He glanced back at Grimmjow but he was gone.

* * *

_**Glad to see there is interest in this! I'll admit this was a bit of a choppy chapter but that was in order to move things along and get Grimmjow in Ichigo's care. NEXT CHAPTER: Ichigo begins to read Kurotsuchi's reports about just what happened to Grimmjow.**_

_**Riza**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**System File #2740283_Kurotsuchi_Personal_logs_Prisoner_file_Espada6**_

_Day 2. Subject still recovering from initial examination. Perhaps proceeded with too much haste, will have to spread out testing to prolong endurance. Went ahead with the day's schedule. Tissue samples taken. Anatomical examination required sedation. Will have to wait until it passes to conduct spiritual tests for most accuracy. Head Captain urging the scientific investigation to be put on hold after tomorrow. Interrogation to be conducted by Captain Soifon in three days time._

_ Day 5. Prisoner is out of my care for now. Was brought back unconscious to his cell at 0100hrs. hours. To be collected again at 0600hrs. _

_Day 10. Prisoner was taken to the Fourth Division, condition unknown, expecting his return to his cell shortly._

_ Day 12. Sleep deprivation began at 0500. To continue until results. Captain Soifon has been given access to twelfth division resources. She does not know how to use them properly. Petitioning to take over the interrogation. _

_ Day 20. More than a week of sleep deprivation; starvation, sound and water techniques and no results. Acquired a copy of Captain Soifon's report:_

_ "Espada refuses to give information. I do not believe it is out of loyalty to Aizen but from a refusal to break under Soul Reaper techniques. From my experience with him on the battle field during the war of the Vandenreich, I do not believe he has any allegiance with the Vandenriech and has already shared with Kurosaki Ichigo pertinent information. I do not believe that information he may have can be taken from the espada without severely damaging him. I respectfully submit we cease interrogation and send his case to the Central 46 for judgement."_

_ I expect my petition may be granted soon._

_ Day 28. Sleep deprivation, starvation, sound and water torture continue due to the Head Captain's insistence. Electric shock proved only to sedate the prisoner and allow him to fall unconscious. Adrenaline administered. Mental state deteriorating. Some information acquired, but I believe more can be gained. Captain Soifon has requested his transfer to Central 46 cells again. _

_ Day 30. Prisoner went into convulsions in the early morning, was taken to Fourth Division. _

_ Day 32. Emergency meeting of the Captains called. Captain Unohana pushed for the prisoner's release to the Central 46, seconded by Captain Soifon. The motion was denied but this has brought the issue to the attention of the other captains. I expect trouble._

_ Day 36. Prisoner returned from the Fourth Division. I visited him. He was not happy to see me. He seems to be coherent again, but spoke little. I wonder if any permanent damage may have been done. I will find out when he is given to me._

_ Day 39. Captain Soifon was ordered to continue. I visited the prisoner after she left. He looked untouched. I will report this to the Head Captain._

_ Day 40. Captain Soifon confronted me today. I do not believe she is capable of continuing this investigation. I have installed cameras in the area to document her progress- or lack there off._

_ Day 41. I watched Captain Soifon talk to the prisoner at length before she left. I will send this footage to the Head Captain._

_ Day 42. Captain Soifon is on probation, but still the prisoner remains hers. I do not understand why the Head Captain hesitates to give him to me. I will continue to watch her progress._

_ Day 43. She began again. She wept afterwards. I will send this to the Head Captain._

_ Day 44. Captain Soifon has been relieved of the responsibility of the prisoner. Probation was lifted, because, I suspect the Head Captain fears the interrogation has drained her too greatly. Pitiful. _

_ Day 45. The Head Captain announced at the meeting that the Prisoner will be moved into long term confinement. Everyone took this to mean the interrogation was over._

_ They are wrong. I begin tomorrow._

"Ichigo!"

He jolted, dropping the bound papers to the floor.

"What's wrong?" Orihime took his hand, trying to relax the muscles that had clenched, knuckles had turned white. He was breathing hard.

"You were reading the reports Unohana gave you." Rukia bent to pick them up from the floor.

"I just skimmed some. I'm surprised Captain Unohana let me read them."

"As am I. I will not read them, nor should anyone else. There is no doubt confidential information concerning captains in there. You must never repeat it."

"I understand."

"Do you think you could eat?" Orhime asked him. "I made vanilla radish stew."

"Yeah, sounds delicious."  
It wasn't even a struggle to get the food down, the burning sweet mixture was no worse than the bitter taste that had built in his mouth from reading the reports. He did manage to relax a bit with the warmth of the stew inside of him and Orihime's glowing presence. But her eyes darted to the closed door just off from the kitchen.

"What about him?"

"I don't know." He said.

"You need to read what Unohana gave you. She might have left some suggestions." Rukia told him but heaped the remaining stew in the pot into a bowl and got a spoon she stuck in it. "Get some water, will you?"

She opened the door to Grimmjow's room and he followed her in with a large glass of water. They put it all on the desk.

"Here is some food, Grimmjow." Rukia spoke rather loudly and slowly as if to someone hard of hearing but Ichigo thought it was worth a shot since he hadn't responded to anything else. "We're going to leave it here for you so you can eat it when you feel like it." She pulled out the chair for him but he didn't more. "I'm going to leave the door open." She said as they made their way back out. "You need to get used to light again."  
They moved back to the kitchen. "You're better at this than I am." Ichigo said.

"Not really. But it's logical. The way he's sitting in there, he's not differentiating this place from a cell. I don't know what else we can do, but we have to get him used to normal things again."

"Yeah."

"What about school, Ichigo?" Orihime asked.

He sighed. "I don't know."

"Go." Rukia encouraged. "You have the weekend off right? But by Monday you should go. He can't get out of here, and you can't ruin your life over this. Remember, he was going to be dead by tomorrow, so anything you do or don't do is better than the alternative. He spent alot of time alone in the past two years, that, is one normalcy that might help him in this situation."

"Okay."

"Now," Rukia began cleaning up dishes, "you need to start reading, Ichigo."

"Yeah. Okay."

* * *

Ichigo lay in bed and picked up the second document written in flowing, gentle script that reflected the writer. He gathered at once that these were Unohana's personal records, in fact, more like a journal. He noted at once how she referred to Grimmjow by his name unlike Kurotsuchi and Soifon. She still saw him as a living creature.

_It has been ten days since Grimmjow's capture. He was immediately subjected to tests in the Twelfth division. The results have given us some information as to the true strength and nature of the espada but more samples are needed to discover just how Aizen used the Hogyoku on hollow souls. _

_ Captain Soifon began interrogating Grimmjow on the fifth day. Today he was brought to me after this session. As I have earlier made clear, I do not condone torture. In summation, many bones were fractured, several contusions needed attention but he was brought to me due to prolonged unconsciousness. I determined it was from too many blows to the head. I repaired a broken nose and fractured cheekbone and instructed Captain Soifon not to strike the prisoner in the head again for fear of greater damage to the brain._

_ Eleven days. I have kept Grimmjow in my care as he seems to be struggling with motor functions. I attribute this to excessive abuse of the body but mostly the damage done from repeated strikes to the head. I managed to repair the damage with more concentrated healing on the spine and head. I will have to release him tomorrow._

_ It has been a month since Grimmjow's capture and eighteen days since he was in my care. I was woken early this morning to tend to him when he was brought in while having a seizure. He has been stabilized, but it took most of the day to get his body to regulate itself and he is being closely monitored while he sleeps. Captain Soifon gave me a brief report on why he was in a such a state. I restrained myself in front of her because I can see in her an unwillingness to continue and genuine upset. I pray the Head Captain will see he is not only torturing Grimmjow but the Captain of the Second. I tried to speak with the Head Captain today but he was unavailable. I fear my best chance of ending this appalling process is to breach the subject at the Captain's meeting in two days. I will not release Grimmjow soon._

_ Thirty One days. Grimmjow has been in and out of consciousness most of the day but is now sleeping again. I have put him on intravenous fluids._

_ I made my protest today. I fear it went unheard. Girmmjow is still asleep. I pray for him, he doesn't wake soon._

_ Thirty three days. I was called when Grimmjow woke in the night. He complained of troubled breathing. I could find no medical reason for it but he continued to have a clear struggle to get breath. When I asked him to elaborate on his symptoms it became clear what was wrong._

_ Grimmjow was having a panic attack._

_ Thirty four days. I fed Grimmjow as much as he could eat and will continue to do so for as long as he is in my care. I fear they will take him soon. I had hoped in keeping this personal log to better deal with my conflict in this issue but it is becoming increasingly difficult to remain removed from the prisoner. Though I understand his crimes, I do not understand this punishment when as far as I understand it, there is not much more information to be had, not at this price._

_ Thirty five days. Grimmjow suffered a severe anxiety attack this evening when I suggested he get some sleep. He knows they will take him again soon. I remained with him until he calmed. I asked him if he would tell me instead the information he is withholding. He asked me if they would kill him when he told them everything. I told him he would be put on trial and then it would be decided. He did not tell me anything._

_ I understand now why he refuses. It isn't loyalty to Aizen, it's self-preservation. It's his best chance at prolonging his life. At this point, however, I feel he will lose this motivation soon. _

_ Thirty six days. I remained with Grimmjow through the night. I think we both knew his grace period was over and even after he fell asleep he woke only a short time later with severe chest pains. His anxiety attacks have gotten worse each time. I fear for his mental stability. By dawn, they came for him. _

_ I wish I could forget how he looked at me when they took him._

Ichigo's own heart was breaking. He stopped reading, just glancing the next entry enough to know alot of time passed between them and he should start reading Kurotsuchi's report instead, but he was quite frankly terrified. He didn't want to know what happened once the crazed scientist finally got his hands on him.

He wasn't able to fall asleep after that and he couldn't bring himself to open the next report so he went to check on Rukia.

"Are you staying up all night?" He asked her, seeing her in her soul form on the couch.

"I thought it might be a good idea just for tonight, since it's his first night here."

"Maybe." He nodded to the open door. "Have you checked on him?"

"He hasn't moved."

He swallowed.

"Have you learned anything?"

"I'm at forty five days."

"Then you still have alot of reading to do."

He sat next to her, "I know."

"Was he like this at Forty five days?"

"No. He was still talking for sure, and Unohana says he withheld information because he knew once they were done with him he would most likely die.

"So he still had a strong will to live."

"I guess."

"Maybe that's still inside of him then."

"Maybe."

"You're thinking about the time he saved Orihime, aren't you?"

"He didn't seem to have much of a will to live then."

"No, he didn't."

"I think that was the turning point."

She looked at him "What turning point?"  
"When I realized he was never really going to try to kill me again. That he was past whatever it was that made him hate me so much back then. I guess, I actually started to think he might end up an ally."

"I suppose for you, that's almost normal. It happens to you alot."

"It does, or at least, it did." He said, recalling all the soul reapers he once fought and who then became his allies.

"You should try to sleep."

"I don't think I can. I have to read what happened."  
"Then do it out here, so you aren't alone."

"Good idea."

He got settled at the kitchen table while she watched the muted tv, but her eyes glanced his way every minute, watching his features contort in disgust. The reports were long and detailed, and at some point he would have to go back and read every word, but for now he gleaned the most pertinent information:

_Day 46. I chose to begin with potions. I must be careful not to damage him so much that I have to take him to that woman. I will be keeping a detailed log in the system files of exact doses and combinations used. This morning I began with some basic truth serums but there has never been one developed that gives completely accurate results. This will be an opportunity to test out many of my experimental drugs._

_ Day 60, the prisoner is in detox. I can no longer get accurate results until I flush his system of previous drugs. He seems to be experiencing withdrawal symptoms. He will survive._

_ Day 61, the prisoner asked where he was and seemed not to know who I was. I will give it another day before renewing the tests._

_ Day 62. I was pleased to be greeted by the prisoner's curses. He seems to have regained his mental faculties and I informed him that meant we could start again. It is still a bit surprising that he resists to such an extent, I would have expected greater deterioration of resilience at this point._

_ Day 65. Subject has been in severe pain since this morning's dose. It may be a reaction with the earlier drug I used, I will have to flush his system and re-administer it to see if this is a true side-effect. If so, it could be quite useful._

_ Day 70. The Head Captain asked me about my progress. I admit I may have lost track of his orders in all of this as the prisoner is a great test subject. I will have to refocus my efforts to getting information._

_ Day 71. I have returned to baser tactics in order to give the Head Captain what he wants. He will not understand the research benefits so it is best to use the standard methods he will approve of. Sleep deprivation and starvation begin again. I will let Nemu handle the rest._

_ Day 79. Nemu has been very thorough, the Head Captain can't say we haven't used every resource available. The prisoner seems very shaken, we will progress with this method for now._

Ichigo stopped reading for a second.

"You can take a break." Rukia suggested.

"Then I'll just wonder." He admitted.

"Can I make you some tea?"

"Okay."

He turned back, he would read a bit more before the tea was ready, then take a break.

_Day 90. Have been working closely with Nemu, learning much. I hope the Head Captain does not send the prisoner to trial any time soon. I am fairly certain he holds no valuable information concerning Aizen, but he is a true value to science. I have never encountered a soul I haven't been able to break. He can teach me much about how to break someone. He has gotten delirious. I will have to let him rest or risk taking him to Captain Unohana. _

_ Day 97. Prisoner continues to shake. I cannot tell if this is from a physical ailment or mental. It intrigues me._

_ Day 99. Prisoner hyperventilated when I entered his cell until he passed out. I now am confident he has developed severe anxiety and that the shaking is part of it. It seems to bother him deeply because he cannot control it. He is starting to crack._

_ Day 100. Subject lost bladder control in today's session._

Ichigo choked on his breath, his harsh inhalation alerted Rukia and she turned to see him with his hand over his mouth.

"Can you tell me?"

He just shook his head.

"Here." She brought the tea not to the table but over to the couch. "let's watch something for a bit, take your mind off of it."

"Okay." He managed to watch fifteen minutes of a late night movie before he had to get up and return to it. He had to get it over with. Day one hundred. It was still some time before Unohana's report picked up. He accepted a second cup of tea but continued reading.

_Day 105. Sent in a different subordinate to carry out the day's schedule. Subject reacted strongly to the new presence. I find this interesting. _

_ Day 108. Used three different torturers today. Each time this seemed to increase the prisoner's reactions. I guess that new faces disturb him because he cannot predict what they will do, or when they will stop doing it as he has no doubt learned the customs of Nemu and myself. Indeed, he seems much more distressed during the sessions and afterwards. Even though we let him sleep, he can't seem to rest at night._

_Day 110. Subject has been pacing and suddenly renewed his attempts to undo his shackles. He broke his fingers and nearly succeeded in getting one hand through. We have tightened them. This seems to have deepened his depression. He speaks little and his curses seem empty now._

_ Day 117. Subject has been unvisited for three days now. I observe him through cameras. His agitation grows each hour we do not come. I wonder what scenarios he has thought up as to what we are planning._

_ Day 118. Subject collapsed with severe anxiety attack and I was forced to send Nemu to check him. He was still awake and thus I can no longer consistently test the influence of our absence. I have decided to try a completely opposite route, starting tomorrow._

_ Day 119. I informed the subject of what is going to happen but I did not tell him when. Observing him on the cameras, he has behaved as many would but has not had a panic attack as expected. He has began screaming insults again which I have not seen him do for quite some time. His pacing is worse._

_ Day 120. Prisoner eventually let the anxiety get to him but has behaved differently this time. He sat in the corner like he does when he sleeps but watched the door intently, never letting himself go under. He also fought us this time, which he has not had the energy to do for quite a while. He is getting desperate. We began. As I explained to him, this time, I will not stop until he gives me what I want. Normally, he knows he can endure to the end of each session, it's landmark for him to mentally focus on. But this time, I have promised him it won't end until he tells all- not that I think he actually has anything to give, but without that landmark, I wonder how long it will take for him to beg me to stop._

_ Day 122. Am extremely angry with Nemu. I left her to carry on. Prisoner is now in the Fourth Division._

Ichigo stopped reading, knowing this meant Unoahana would have a report, written in kinder tones that made it ever so slightly easier to bear.

_I believe it has been over four months since Grimmjow was brought to Soul Society. I saw him again today for the first time in almost three months. I was horrified by his condition. I was not aware that interrogation had resumed. I was even more disgusted when Grimmjow informed me it had never stopped. He was brought here with severe wounds from various torture I cannot find the will to describe. I asked all staff who were willing to aide me and together we have managed to repair much of the damage. Nothing disfiguring has been left, save his weight loss that has transformed him from a warrior into something very fragile. He is still quite delirious and I know I will not get straight answers from the Twelfth Division on what exactly they have done to him. I will however, take this matter to the Head Captain._

_ The Head Captain has given me an order. I am not to talk about Grimmjow to the other Captains nor let my staff see him from now on. So he has now made me part of the lie that allows this to continue to happen to Grimmjow. I am sickened but do not know what action to pursue at this time. Grimmjow remains asleep._

_ Grimmjow has been in my care for three days now. This morning he woke with a clearer mind, though the effects of prolonged torture are obvious in his mannerism. He struggles to eat much, and I am afraid of what they may have force fed him in the Twelfth. He was very quiet at first, but has begun to answer my questions about what they've been doing to him. I am appalled. I think Grimmjow hopes I will help him. I want to._

Ichigo almost felt hopeful as he read this, that Grimmjow was about to be rescued, but he already knew the end of this story, so it was with dread that he continued.

_Captain Kurotsuchi came to visit Grimmjow today. I was not present, or I would not have allowed it. I only arrived as he was leaving. The effect of his presence on Grimmjow was great. He suffered from sever tremors and chest pains after and I could not get him to calm down enough to speak for more than twenty minutes. When he did speak, he told me the captain had said he looked healthy enough and he would collect him in the morning. _

_ After he told me this, he broke into tears._

_ I have failed to keep my distance. I held Grimmjow until he was spent. But when he calmed he asked for water which I gave him and seemed to be quite composed. I asked him about this and he said he'd come to a decision. He said he would tell me anything I asked him. When I asked him about Aizen, he told me everything he'd told us before and a few more details that I knew would never be worth any of this. Just enough, for him to hold onto life, to hold back the guillotine. By telling me, he gave that up._

_ This means he's ready to die._

_ I think he told me because I have been kind to him and it did not go against his pride to give me something I might want, not that I ever really wanted that information. I think he chose to end his life his way, and possibly repay me in the process. _

_ I wish that was how it ended, even for him to die would be kinder._

_ But the Head Captain was changed by this war. He lost his conscience in more than one way. That voice that had been with him for a thousands years was silenced, and I never missed Chojiro more than this day. Despite what Grimmjow confessed, my captain has refused my request to send him to trial. I wonder if he pins all of his hatred for Aizen on Grimmjow, or even the Vandenriech. Or, I suspect his heart has so hardened and his mind so occupied with governing affairs that he simply does not see the evil of handing Grimmjow's fate to Kurotsuchi. I don't know which is more disturbing, perhaps both are true, but what I know, is that Kurotsuchi took Grimmjow today. And I don't expect to see him again._

Ichigo couldn't bear to read more form Kurotsuchi tonight so he decided to continue with Unohana.

_I saved Grimmjow's life tonight. Only after the fact did I realize what a terrible thing I had done. He tried to commit suicide, and very nearly succeeded. I don't think he will ever forgive me for bringing him back and I don't blame him. It is my nature to heal, but if I could take it back, I would. _

Now Ichigo was curious, he had to turn back to Kurotsuchi's notes. He scanned through page after page detailing new experiments he couldn't stomach to read right now. He got to day two hundred and twelve which corresponded with Unohana's submission.

_Prisoner got hold of scalpel in today's session. Cut his throat before we could stop him. He was rushed to the Fourth Division. Survival uncertain._

_ Day 213. Collected prisoner before he regained consciousness. Did not want him to know we took him to that woman, this way he will believe no matter how serious, he will be treated here, there is no escape._

_ Day 214. Prisoner regained consciousness. Very weak._

_ Day 215. Prisoner to be punished for misbehaving._

Ichigo stopped reading again and returned to Unohana's next, rather lengthy entry.

_I was thinking about Grimmjow when Captain Kyoraku came to visit me I have just gotten around to reading the humans' report of events of the war. It only breaks my heart more for what has happened to Grimmjow._

_ Shunsui had shocking news. Grimmjow escaped tonight. He was loose in Soul Society for about an hour, but he was in such a weakened condition he did not get far. It was Shunsui's lieutenant who found him, by accident. She described him as having clear difficulty breathing, and that she barely recognized him as the sixth espada. He was in an alley, trying to catch his breath. She remained with him but called for her captain. She said Grimmjow asked her to kill him. Before her captain could get there, Captain Kurotsuchi found him. She said Grimmjow became frantic, but was subdued by kido by the lieutenant of the Twelfth and they took him away. Nanao was very shaken by the whole ordeal. I can't imagine what price Grimmjow will have to pay for this._

Some day, Ichigo would read about that, but not now. He forced himself to stop for now. He wasn't even at a year, but he couldn't swallow any more of the horror. Instead he rose and moved to Grimmjow's room. Rukia watched him but did not interfere.

"I'm so sorry." He crouched by the other in the corner. "I am not going to hurt you. No one here will hurt you. I promise."  
No response.

"Grimmjow..." he put a hand on his bare shoulder. He was still in nothing but the black shorts but Ichigo had no idea how to get him into other clothes so he'd left him. He was cold, though, and shivers ran through him, though part of Icghio guessed it was not about temperature. In fact, everything in him seemed to go rigid at the touch. He rose and got a blanket and draped it over him. He still never moved or acknowledged him.

"You can use the bed, you know. It would be more comfortable."

It was a vain effort. He left the room. When he sat on the couch he knew what was coming, and Rukia must have too, because she put her arms around him before the first tears fell.

* * *

_**Poor Grimmjow! **_

_**Next Chapter: Flashback to how Grimmjow saved Orihime during the war; Ichigo and Rukia struggle to get Grimmjow to eat.**_

_**Thanks for all the reviews! And I would love to read that story you started Junichiblue, if you ever decide to dust it off and continue it!**_

_**Riza**_


	4. Chapter 4

**Twenty seven months ago.**

A fire crackled in the broken pillar. The sheen was gone from the blue-grey floors and dulled by powdered stone. But the warm light of their fire cast an orange haze on things, and Ichigo almost forgot they had set up camp in Las Noches and easily could have believed they were on a summer camping trip. Chad and Uryu sat to one side of him, Orihime and Kisuke on the other. Their original party had regrouped two weeks ago and the fighting seemed to have slowed down so Ichigo found himself actually content, as if they really were just on a camping vacation and not at war. He guessed though, that this was part of it all- the best and worst of times as someone had once written. Friendships forged in the time of war were fast and deep. And tonight they were joined by old friends and that made him smile all the more. Renji and Rukia had met up with them last night, and today Soifon and Yoruichi were with them. They brought news from other fronts. Soifon explained that her squad was on leave, resting back in Soul Society, but she took this time to collect a full report from across the field and check in with the other captains, as well as to share news.

"Captain Komamura was gravely wounded." She told them. "He will not wake for some time but when he does we hope to get some information on the enemy King. We think he may have been wounded by Juha Bach himself."

"Really?" Ichigo asked hopefully.

"Yes. Make sure to stay alert." She told them more, about Captain Hitsugaya cutting down a notorious enemy, Buzzbee, and Kenpachi and his squad took out three others Ichigo hadn't heard of yet. Captain Ukitake was in the Fourth Division again, his condition had worsened since the stress of the war. Rukia and Renji asked if their Captains wished them to return to their squads but she shook her head. It was generally agreed that Ichigo was an important asset and having two lieutenants with him would ensure that Soul Society kept an eye on him.

"Will you stay with us for a bit?" Ichigo asked the female duo.

"For tonight at least." Soifon agreed. Though it was always night time here, they were all tired and generally kept to a twenty four hour schedule when possible.

They rolled out what little supplies they had to make themselves more comfortable and settled in, but no sooner had Ichigo closed his eyes then he heard the enraged cry not far away.

"What was that?" Orihme sat up sharply.

"Stay behind us." Ichigo instructed her as everyone rose. They were strongest as a unit so they all moved toward the sound. There wasn't anything after that cry, however, and they soon lost track of where it had come from.

"There is a weak spiritual pressure up ahead." Soifon informed them. "This way."  
They followed her through a much more devastated part of the pillar. They stopped when they saw the glisten of blood in the cold light of the moon, heading back from the gaping side of the pillar to the darker interior.

"It's just one."

They continued, blades drawn, the blood growing thicker, bare footprints visible, but uneven, someone had staggered here.

"There." Soifon stopped. The chamber was thick with shadows, but they could still make him out, sitting with back against the wall, head bowed and resting on his knees and a broken sword in his hands.

"Grimmjow." Ichigo grabbed Soifon's arms to stop her from moving forward. They all remained where they were. The espada didn't respond, the sword he held was not his own, it was strange, two broken prongs rose from the hilt of the katana, a double bladed sword. Ichigo could see blood all over his feet, as if he'd run over broken glass. The rest of him, however, was barely visible past his scuffed pant legs and bowed head of blue hair.

Ichigo took a tentative step forward.

"You should go, while you still can." the deep voice warned, an edge in it, of deep pain.

"Grimmjow, what happened?"

"I'm warning you, Kurosaki."

"We could help each other."

"NO WE CAN'T!" Maddened blue eyes struck him. He saw how pale his features were, how his hands shook. "There is no we- not now, not anymore." He obviously wasn't talking about Ichigo. The teen's eyes fell to the sword.

"Who does that belong to?"

Grimmjow's eyes dropped to the blade, he swallowed hard before looking back to the group. "It's none of your damn business."

"The third espada." Soifon answered for him. "I read about that blade in Captain Hitsugaya's report."

"Halibel..." Orihime breathed. She had healed the woman more than a year and a half ago.

Grimmjow's eyes darkened dangerously. "Yes. It was Halibel's."

"Where is she?" Ichigo asked.

"Where do you think?!" Grimmjow stood suddenly, anger trying its best to choke out sorrow. He was extremely unsteady, and Ichigo just now saw the glint of small shards stuck all over his body. Whoever he had faced in battle, that must have been their power. He looked to be in enormous pain but he still glared at them, holding out Halibel's broken blade as if that explained everything. "Those bastards tortured her to death."

This elicited a gasp from Orihime.

"You should all go." He lowered his arm, he didn't look like he would remain standing.

"Grimmjow, we can help you." Ichigo took another step.

"No you can't."

"Yes we can."

"I said go away."

"Grimmjow-"

"GO AWAY!" He half fell on Ichigo when he grabbed him but it was unexpected and the teen ended up on his back. "Don't you understand?" He hissed, the others had rushed forward but waited to hear what he said. "You'll all die."

"That's enough." Soifon grabbed his shoulder and pulled him from Ichigo. He rolled back on the floor and she made to bind him.

"Stop." Ichigo protested. "He's already hurt."

She waited. Grimmjow had rolled onto his stomach but struggled to get to hands and knees. His head was bowed and when he spoke they knew blood loss must be interfering, his voice was slurred.

"They broke the bone from her body..." He whispered. "Every piece... she was naked, ruined. She was the only one...the only other espada..." he clutched her blade tighter. "She died in my arms. I was too slow."

"Grimmjow let us help you." Ichigo begged on the heels of the heartbreaking words.

"Kurosaki."

"Yes?"

"Run."

"Grimmjow-"

"RUN!" He screamed just as the far wall at their backs exploded. Grimmjow had been trying to say it before, that they should go, they were in danger, but they had all mistaken for a threat rather than a warning.

Three Stern Ritter burst through to their chamber. The ceiling quaked, chunks of stone fell all around them but the trio smiled on the group.

"My, Grimmjow, it didn't take you long to move on. You made new friends pretty quick."

"Bastards." He choked, rising, but at the back of the group, it wasn't him who would connect with them first, it was Renji and Chad who were closest and struck. The battle erupted, the room could not support this many warring powers and it began to collapse all around them.

"Orihime!" Ichigo tried to reach her but a force struck him. He countered but this one was powerful. In the slew of falling stone he couldn't see anything but his enemy so he was forced to concentrate on the fight.

The ceiling gave, and then the floor.

Orihime choked on dust but the night air cleared and she managed to open her eyes and see what had happened.

"Grimmjow?"

She had thought the strong arms around her were Ichigo or one of her friends, but it was the espada who slowly released her and set her on the sands.

"You saved me." He was kneeling before her, breathing hard, eyes unfocussed and he didn't respond. "Let me return the favour."

She raised her hands over him, warm light closed around him and in turn began closing over wounds. He shut his eyes, giving in to the relief of it. When she finished he was whole again, but his hands still shook and his eyes remained haunted. They just knelt there facing one another.

"You've changed." She finally spoke.

"No." His voice was still distant, "the world changed."

"Did you love her?"  
"I don't know. She healed me, when she returned from the world of the living. I don't know why. But I remained with her until this war started."

"I'm so sorry, Grimmjow."

"Why? It wasn't you who killed her." He rose, he seemed to have finally escaped his trance. He took the broken blade and pushed it though the black sash at his hip and then turned his back on her, walking away.

"Will you not stay and help them fight?" She called.

He looked up to the battles that had broken out into the sky. She never got her answer. The sand before her sprayed in all directions, she was blinded by the slew and then the choke hold around her neck stayed her. It was one of the Stern Ritters.

"It's her, the girl who can heal anything." He called. Abruptly the other two battles ended and all three Stern Ritter were around her.

"ORHIME!" It wasn't just Ichigo who screamed, several of her allies were rushing to reach her but none would get there on time.

"You're ours now girly." They were about to disappear, about to be gone without a trace, faster than even Yoruichi could move and they may never get Orihime back. But their faster-than-sight movement stopped abruptly just a few feet from where they disappeared when they collided with Girmmjow. He could no more track their movements than the rest of him but he was close enough to guess their motions and try.

It was a terrible impact, his body struck the one carrying Orihime. The other two stopped when their companion fell. The pair landed in a spray of sand, Grimmjow with his arm curved around Orihime. She gasped, but she didn't dare move. Grimmjow choked on a mouthful of blood and remained on his knees, holding her against him, his body all that was between her and her attackers.

"What is this? Since when would you care about a human?"

"I'm not letting you take her." He spoke dangerously.

"Trying to make up for not saving that hollow bitch?" The arm around Orihime tightened, she felt his breath catch.

"Yeah, something like that."

The attack came. Orihme felt herself lifted off the ground, they were moving, but not fast enough. Grimmjow was struck out of sodino by something Orihime never saw. All she got was a face full of sand. It took her a long time to push herself back up. When she did, she felt pain all over, but as far as she could tell nothing was too serious. Looking over to Grimmjow, however, she instantly saw his leg at a strange angle, his arm held tight to his chest, the bone pressing against flesh and his breathing erratic.

"Shit." He coughed blood, they heard the ring of steel and both watched the battles above. Ichigo and the others were winning: when Grimmjow ran with her, it gave the the time they needed to reach them. Orihime watched one fall, she turned back to Grimmjow.

"Why did you do that?"

He was fading, his head had fallen to one side and he stared at the broken pillar. "...because I couldn't save her..."

* * *

**Present.**

Ichigo stared at the untouched food and water on the desk and yawned tiredly.

"Maybe he doesn't like Orihime's cooking." Ichigo suggested.

"You would think he'd still drink the water." Rukia countered.

Ichigo remembered Kurotsuchi's notes about hydration being important to keeping Grimmjow conscious during torture. He sighed.

"How far in the reading are you?" Rukia asked.  
"Day two hundred something. I had to stop."

"Maybe you should skip ahead."

"Yeah, maybe. I hate to leave him on the floor like this." He moved to the man in question. "Grimmjow, can you stand?"

No response.

"If that's how he's comfortable, then maybe we should just leave him." Rukia warned.

"Maybe. But I would like to get him into real clothes."

She didn't argue with that. "We can try at least."

Ichigo had black sweat pants and white t-shirt and sweater laid out for him. He decided to start with the t-shirt. He pulled back the blanket that hadn't been moved since he lay it over him and tried to get Grimmjow to help him but he remained dead weight. He flinched at Ichigo's touch, but never looked at him or pulled away.

"Grimmjow, you'll be warmer." he argued with the lifeless man, struggling to get and arm through. With Rukia's help he managed it, noticing how Grimmjow's body always went back to that same position.

"He still holds his hands like their have shackles on them." Ichigo commented.

"They would only have been removed when absolutely necessary, so for virtually two years he hasn't been without them."

Ichigo didn't respond, the thought was sickening.

The pants were also a struggle but in the end he had Grimmjow clothed. He zipped the sweater up, which hung on his shrunken form but would hopefully keep him more comfortable. Despite all this, he was trembling after so much contact.

"We should leave him alone now."

"What about food?" Ichigo asked. Rukia looked to the water.

"He needs to stay hydrated at least and now that he's in a gigai he won't be able to last as long without food. Maybe we should get some protein drinks, see if we can get him to drink something like that."

"Good idea."

"I'll go," Rukia said, "And I'll bring you back some coffee. You should get reading."

"Right.."

* * *

Sensory deprivation. Kurotsuchi went on at length about different chambers, different lengths of times, in complete darkness, silence, different temperatures, sometimes with one noise or lots of noise of sudden noises or bright lights. Detailed discussions of psychological implications, excited notes about breakthroughs in science. Ichigo was starting to be reminded of another group of people who had used prisoners of war or members of other races in such ways in the name of science and they had adorned themselves with swastikas.

He jumped over large chunks of text but the slow deterioration of Grimmjow's mental state was clear.

240. _Prisoner seems not to know how long he's been here._

_ seems to think he is in Hueco Mundo._

_ called me Aizen today._

_ could not write his own name when asked to._

_ sleeps no more than ten minutes at a time._

_ clearly hallucinating frequently._

And still the tests continued. Then there was a change, and Ichigo wondered if this was when Grimmjow lost himself.

279. _Prisoner seemed lucid today. We had a lengthy conversation. He detailed several ways in which he might kill me. When I told him how long he'd been here I realized he has lost all concept of time. I showed the prisoner what he looked like in the mirror. He cried._

_ 280. Prisoner has been asking to see the Head Captain. _

_ 281. Prisoner began asking for Unohana. I assured him he will not be taken to her again._

_ 282. Curious. Prisoner has started asking to see Ichigo Kurosaki. His desire to escape has clearly returned but I am not sure how the substitute soul reaper fits into it._

_ 283. I understand. He has been asking for people he believes will give him a merciful death. Today he asked if Kurosaki knew he was here. I wonder if he thinks the boy would interfere if he knew._

_ 284. Prisoner's agitation grows. Have started new test involving intermittent bursts of sound. Details in system files._

_ 298. Prisoner complaining of severe headaches and the sound bursts have started triggering panic attacks. Interesting._

_ 315. Prisoner has been sitting in the corner quite consistently. Severe chest pains persist. Am deciding on next test to conduct._

_ 316. Prisoner stopped eating._

_ 318. Force fed prisoner. After we left, he induced vomiting. Will have to give him intravenous if this continues._

_ 319. Prisoner seems intent on starving himself to death. He will be moved to where he can be given intravenous._

_ 320. Prisoner escaped while being moved. I wonder if this was his plan all along but I doubt he was capable of figuring it out._

Ichigo turned to Unohana's report again.

_It was Rukia who found him this time._

_ "_What!" Ichigo exclaimed in the middle of he kitchen. "She didn't tell me about this."

_He was coming here, I know it. I do not know what I would have done if it had been myself on the scene first. Rukia said he was coughing and had a bottle in his hand. He had ingested something he took from the Twelfth Division with the intention of killing himself. She said when she came upon him, he asked her to please just let him die._

The door opened, Ichigo looked up at Rukia in alarm.

"So you've gotten to that part." She said simply.

"Yes. What happened?"

She set down the bag of groceries and the coffee and glanced over his shoulder to see what he'd already read.

"He asked me to let him die. I agreed." Ichigo let out a long breath. "I stood over him, waiting. I hadn't known this was going on, he was- he was so desperate, and I knew I didn't have the power to save him, so it was all the mercy I could show him. He poisoned himself with something. But Kurtsuchi found us." her hands tightened into fists. "He struck me, tried to have me arrested, Renji intervened, Captain Unohana came, and my own. Very quickly it became a public scene and the secret was exposed everyone knew what had been going on. Not everyone was as offended as me, but many were. And I think everyone was shocked to see Grimmjow's state.

He begged for death. He said "please, let me die." But Captain Kurotsuchi had him taken away. It almost came to blows but Captain Hitsugaya intervened and demanded this be discussed in a meeting. He was just trying to stop the Captains from turning on one another, but it gave Kurotsuchi time to save Grimmjow's life... and then break him."

"You know what happened?"

"They had a meeting immediately, but it took the Central 46 almost a week to process all the information and come to a decision. Grimmjow was moved to the cell where you found him to await trial. Kurotsuchi somehow convinced the Central 46 to have continued access on a limited basis because he said otherwise, all of Grimmjow's suffering would be in vain as he would not get conclusions on many experiments. I went to see Grimmjow after that week. He wasn't talking anymore. Whatever broke him, it happened in that week."

"I don't think I can read it, Rukia."

"Then don't, not now. Let's try to get Grimmjow to eat this."

They mixed up a shake, it was fairly thin, the flavour mild, they tried to make it as neutral as possible and took it into him.

"Grimmjow, this is good for you, please drink it." Rukia said and took one of his hands, trying to get him to hold it. She wasn't sure he would, so she kept her hand over top of his and guided the cup up to his mouth.

He recoiled from the action and she barely managed to keep the drink from spilling over him.

"They must have been feeding him some how." Ichigo sighed.

"Yes. Maybe I should look at that report afterall."

* * *

They divided it up. Within Unohana's report were reports from Grimmjow's guards in the ensuing months of his captivity in that cell. Meals they brought him went untouched. They described him as being in a state much like this. He never looked at them and when they tried to feed him he reacted in violent fear. In the end, what they did for over a year was to physically restrain him while one person forced his mouth open and spooned in food. They then had to hold his mouth closed until he would swallow. Because it was such a process, they only fed him once a day.

Rukia reported this to Ichigo

"So we have to force feed him?" Ichigo asked, not enjoying the prospect.

"Today we will. Tonight, we keep reading and see if we can find another way."

"Okay."

It was unpleasant for all involved. Ichigo held Girmmjow's hands against his chest while Rukia pressed on either side of his jaw and opened his mouth. He struggled some, but he was weak, and when she covered his mouth it didn't take long for him to swallow. He panted in the aftermath, and they backed off. He still didn't move from the corner.

"Can we take him to the bed?"

"Let him digest that first."

"Okay."

They returned to their work.

* * *

**27 months ago.**

"Don't move." Ichigo warned Grimmjow when he woke next to a crackling fire. After everything was said and done, they had returned back to their camp in the pillar. Grimmjow shifted on the blankets that had been spread beneath him, a bundled at his head to make him more comfortable. His leg ached and his arm was on fire, but each bound up tightly. His left shoulder pained him greatly- it was where he'd been struck in Sodino by some ball of energy and he knew the burn ran deep into flesh and muscle. He couldn't help the strained noise of pain that came from him upon waking. He glanced Orihime asleep not far from him.

"You saved her." Ichigo said. Grimmjow kept his gaze to one side, not really wanting to look the teen straight on.

"What happens now?"

"What do you mean?"  
"Well, I can't run, you've got me. So what are you going to do with me?"

When he got only silence, he turned back to the soul reaper. His eyes narrowed when he saw the look of confusion, shock on Ichigo's face. The kid hadn't even considered it.

"You have got to be kidding me." He sighed.

"What?" Ichigo asked.

"You. You're the most _innocent_ deadly warrior I've ever met."

Ichigo couldn't tell if it was a joke or what so he just didn't respond to the comment. "When Orihime is better, I'll ask her to heal you, in answer to your question."

"You sure that one is going to be okay with it?" He turned his gaze to Soifon. He knew her as a captain, and remembered her from a month earlier on the stairs. But he also recognized a loyal soldier when he saw one.

"I promise I won't let her take you, Grimmjow."

He looked into steady brown eyes and knew there was no hint of a lie in them. "Okay."

* * *

**Present.**

"I'm sorry." Ichigo muttered as he held Grimmjow's hands to his chest, feeling his muscles straining while Rukia held his jaw shut and he was forced to swallow down the liquid. Just to be sure, Ichigo had tasted the protein shake, there was nothing wrong with it. So it must just be the trauma he went through. Or he was still trying to starve himself to death.

"How are you going to do this when I'm gone?" Rukia asked. "I have to go back after you get home from university tomorrow."  
"I know."

"There must be something more in those reports that could help us."

"Maybe." Ichigo still had a year's worth of reports from Kurotsuchi. He released Grimmjow and stood up. "I'll start reading but I want to try to get Grimmjow to lay down in an hour or so."

"Okay."

It didn't take long for that hour to pass. There was so much material to get through but Ichigo soon discovered most of this was Kurotsuchi's deliberations of past experiments, putting findings together and coming up with objective conclusions.

When the hour was up he returned to Grimmjow's room. "I think you would be more comfortable in the bed. And you need to move around, get the blood flowing a bit." He always told Grimmjow what he was doing, but none of it ever seemed to get through to him.

"Here we go." He got his arms under Grimmjow and lifted him up. The other was so light it was upsetting but he had to forget about that now. What Ichigo noticed at once was that the dead expression from Grimmjow's face was gone, and replaced by one of fear and dread.

"It's okay, I just want you to walk a bit." Ichigo held him by his wrists to keep him steady until he remembered the scarred and sore skin there so he moved his grip to Grimmjow's hands.

Almost at once the other stilled, still agitated, but there something in that touch that seemed not exactly to ease the panic, but change his behaviour. Ichigo felt his fingers trace over his own, not understanding the motion. Grimmjow's hands moved away from his, still never more than a foot apart, as if that chain was still around them, but he raised his fingers up over Ichigo's chest, then touched his face.

"It's me, Grimmjow." He said, seeing confusion in blue eyes, rough fingers felt along his cheek and nose before he curled them against himself again, eyes shifting in confusion.

"Rukia..." Ichigo called for her, she had been napping on the couch but he was growing concerned. "I don't think he knows who I am."

"He's standing."

"I got him up, I thought he needed to move around."

"Has he spoken?"

"No."

"Well, I don't see what we can do, maybe you should just take him to the bed."

"Okay." they could be more adventurous another time. "Come on." He put a firm hand on his shoulders and guided him to the bed. He got him to sit first, then pushed him gently to lay down.

Rukia approached. "He's shaking worse now."

"Yeah." Ichigo watched Girmmjow close his eyes as if waiting for something to happen, he didn't move an inch from the position Ichigo put him in.

"Ichigo...all he's known for so long is when he's taken from his cell- in this case, that corner- it's not for anything pleasant."

Ichigo looked at him, seeing it now. "He expects to be tortured now." He breathed.

"Most likely."

"Oh Grimmjow..." He found his hand again and held it. For some reason that seemed to have stilled him before, so he tried again now. In any case, he doubted anyone ever held his hand before or during torture, so he hoped it would be a sign that nothing bad was going to happen to him. He heard the change in his breathing, Grimmjow opened his eyes again and Ichigo saw them near brimming with tears.

"Grimmjow, I'm not going to hurt you." He said for who knows what number of times and reached a hand to place on Grimmjow's head softly.

The espada choked on in his next breath, gripped Ichigo's hand back, and both Ichigo and Rukia were stunned when cracked lips parted.

"Where am I?"

* * *

_**Thanks for the continuing reviews!**_

_**Next time: A major breakthrough in Grimmjow's condition; Ichigo starts to get to know the new Grimmjow and glimpses just how much he's been chancged by what's happened.**_

_**Riza**_


	5. Chapter 5

Three words.

It was all they got from Grimmjow, a hoarse rasp. They explained where he was, they tried to comfort him, but he never responded to their words. He just lay there, staring at nothing. It seemed the moment of clarity was gone. Still, something had changed, Ichigo could see it in Grimmjow's expression. He wasn't blank anymore. Rukia vowed to watch over him and give Ichigo a chance to keep reading. He spent most of the day at it.

_Day 387. Prisoner is recorded not to have moved for three days. Unohana has been to check him, but he no longer responds to her._

_ Day 435. It has been much longer between visits than I wished, but it will have to do. I was able to take Grimmjow to the main lab for tests. He still reacts to pain._

_ Day 480. Prisoner recognized me as soon as I touched him. The guards say it's the most animated they've seen him. He was terrified. He reacted badly to our session. Had a severe panic attack before we even started. Lost consciousness shortly into the process._

_ Day 500. It has only been twenty days since I last saw him and I think he has been counting every one. My touch alone seems enough to send him into a fit. He threw up not ten minutes into our session._

_ Day 550. Far too long between visits for accurate recording, but I have him for two days. I intend to make use of them._

_ Day 551. When prisoner wasn't returned to his cell at the end of our session he became extremely agitated. He must fear he has been placed back into my permanent care. _

_ Day 589. Prisoner still silent. I wonder what he is thinking. Blood samples taken. Spiritual tests administered._

_ Day 639. Another two days, I will test whether he still reacts to previously conditioned stimuli. Unfortunately, I will not be able to test the sound cues._

_ Day 640. Prisoner recalled each stimulus._

_ Dy 670. Testing if there are any lasting effects of drugs._

_ Day 680. Testing to see reactions to the five drugs that seemed most effective last year._

_ Day 690. Prisoner extremely sick after second administered drug. Will have to wait until next session to test others._

_ Day 711. Drug three caused extreme pain. Drugs four and five less effective._

_ Day 730. Was informed today that prisoner has finally been put on trial. To be put to death in a few days time. I find it amusing they all think it's a mercy. Everyone thinks he's lost his mind, broken. I guess it's only Grimmjow and I who know the truth._

And then everything changed when he read the next line.

"RUKIA!" Ichigo re-read the final line of the entry to make sure it was right.

"What?"

"It all makes sense now, I know what's wrong."

"What is it Ichigo?"

"He can't see and he can't hear."

"What do you mean?"

"Kurotsuchi said he went deaf during one of the sound experiments, even when he talked to you that night he tried to kill himself, he couldn't hear you."

"And he's blind?"

"Not entirely, he still reacted to the lights, remember? But Kurotsuchi wrote that whatever he poisoned himself with that night nearly blinded him. He doesn't even know who he's with. Rukia, he probably still thinks he's in the Twelfth."

"Today, when you held his hand-"

"Right. Kurotsuchi kept writing about when he _touched_ him Grimmjow would react. He knows the difference between his hands and a regular person's touch. He isn't comatose, he's cut off from the world."

The moment Rukia absorbed this, she pulled out her soul pager. "I'll call Unohana."

* * *

"I wish I could help." Orihime sat on the bed with Grimmjow while they waited. It was Tuesday, Rukia had returned and this was the earliest Unohana could come.

"You have to save your strength." Ichigo reminded her.

"I know, but I have been doing that for two years."

"It will just take time." Ichigo assured her, "Remember how long I went without power?"

"Yeah."

"You took a major blow, time is all that can heal that, but your strength has already come back a long way."

"Yeah." She rubbed her palm over the back of Grimmjow's hand. It seemed to sooth him. They tried to communicate to Grimmjow where he was, but was very difficult. Still, the soft touch of Orihime must have told him he was not about to be tortured.

"She's here." Ichigo said, feeling the shift. He hurried to the door and opened it to greet the Captain of the Fourth. Her face was set, not stern, but tense.

"Rukia gave me the news. Have you confirmed it?"

"Well, I don't know how to but-"

"Let me see him."

Ichigo was taken aback by her shortness. He didn't think he'd done anything unreasonable in asking her here.

"Captain Unohana." Orihime greeted.

"Orihime..." she slowed herself down when she saw him. "I'm sorry, to both of you. I was just..enraged."

"W-what?"  
"At myself for failing to see it. And at _him."_ They knew who she was speaking about.

"Oh. Can you fix it?"

"It will take some time." Orihime eased away. Unohana sat in a chair across from Grimmjow and took hold of both of his hands and ran soothing fingers down the side of his face. Both Orihime and Ichigo instantly saw the reaction in him.

"Unohana?" he whispered, his voice faint from so long without use.

She squeezed his hands and held his face. He bowed his head into her touch.

"Can you fix it?" He whispered.

She raised his hands to her face and nodded so he could feel the motion. His face broke, she moved closer pulling him into her. Orihime and Ichigo watched Grimmjow sob in the arms of the Captain of the Fourth.

* * *

It took twelve hours. Ichigo didn't interrupt once as every time he stepped into the room he saw her intensely whispering spells and sweat pooling at her brow, her hand across his eyes the entire time.

It was close to midnight when she withdrew, exhausted. His eyes parted, he shut them again almost at once and even exhausted as she was, she put a hand to his forehead and soothed him.

"It's okay, it's alot to take in."

Ichigo and Orihime hovered nearby. "Is there anything we can do?"

She nodded to the light switch and Ichigo shut off the overhead.

"There, the lights are off, try again." She removed her hand. Grimmjow opened his eyes once more.

"Is that better?" she asked. He nodded. "Can you hear me alright?" He nodded again. "Here, look at me."

He had just been staring up at the blank ceiling but turned to face her. "I'm so sorry." she said. He didn't respond. "Grimmjow?"

"Why would you say that?"

She sighed softly and ran her fingers through his hair. "You don't know?"

"I know _sorry _is what you people say when you don't know what else to say."

"Then I don't know what to say, Grimmjow."

"Okay."

"Okay." She smiled sadly on him. "Do you know where you are?"

"No."

"You're in the world of the living."

"Is that Kurosaki?" He had glimpsed them at the door but back-lit by the hall light, they were both unclear even to his newly healed eyes.

"Yes, and Orihime."

"What's going on?"

She explained the situation. She omitted the part where if he was ever seen as useful again he would be returned to Soul Society. Ichigo guessed that would be enough to send him over the edge.

"It's not ideal, but you will be safe with Ichigo, I think you know that."

"Are you going to be here too?"

"No, I have to return to my squad."

"Oh."

"It's a miracle they allowed this, Grimmjow."

"Yeah."

"You do remember Ichigo, don't you?"

"Yeah."

She glanced over her shoulder at them. "Can you give us a moment?"

"Of course." They left.

"Grimmjow, tell me how you are feeling."

"I can't." He breathed, looking to the ceiling again.

"Why not?"

"Beacause there are no words, Unohana. _Sorry_."

He shut his eyes. She bowed her head.

* * *

"He's resting." Unohana shut the door. She had been in there quite a while.

"Did he tell you anything?"

"Nothing. I cannot assess his mental state, but I would say it's better than I could have hoped. Still, do not let this deceive you."

"What should we do?"

"Ichigo, I'm a professional, and I don't know where I would start. You gave him everything when you brought him here, you don't have to fix him, just take care of him."

"I want to help."

"And that's what makes you better than most of us. Thank you, Ichigo, for what you've done."

"Of course."

"You can call me on the soul pager any time you need me. But I won't always be able to come."

"Do you have to go now?"

"Yes, but I will introduce you first."

"_Introduce?"_

"This is not the Girmmjow you remember. You can't look at him and expect to see the man who fought with you in Hueco Mundo. Just take him as he is now. Likewise, you are different, Ichigo, you've become a man, you look different, you've grown up. So yes, I would like to introduce you."

"Okay."

They went into the bedroom. Grimmjow was sitting on the edge of the bed, stiff, eyes taking in every inch of them.

"You're older." He said to the pair. He turned to Unohana and all three of them realized their mistake at once. "How long was I in there?"

"You don't remember?"  
"No, I... I have no idea." There was no hiding the panic as he stared at Ichigo and Orihime. "H-how long?"

"Two years."

He shut his eyes and gripped his knees.

"Grimmjow." Unohana returned to her seat before him. Ichigo was shocked by the bond between them, even after reading the reports he still expected some form of hostility from Grimmjow but she had been the one kind person in all his captivity, so for him, she was a rock, the one person who took away pain instead of administering it. He remained frozen, head bowed, arms rigid where they were propped on his knees.

She leaned in close, put one of his. "Grimmjow."

"It can't be." His voice was thick.

"I'm afraid it is. You spent so long in silence and darkness, you couldn't have known how much time was passing."

"But shouldn't that have made it feel longer? Am I forgetting things?"

"I'm not sure."

"Two years..." His voice was barely audible as it was. But his shaggy hair fell into his vision and he noted his thin hands. Ichigo had not expected the gigai to be such a true reflection of him, but he had been told it was like a sleeve, it fit tight over the true form- and now Grimmjow was staring at the prominent bones in his wrists. He unzipped the sweater with frantic need and looked down on his thin arms, once corded with muscles that were now sagging on the bone.

"Grimmjow stop." Unohana warned when his hands shot to his face, he felt a cheekbone that was nearly as visible as the mask hidden under his gigai.

"I want to see myself."

"I don't think it's the best idea." She warned. "You're going to get your weight back now, you're going to get healthy."

"No, I want to see." He protested. "Please."

It was her turn to shut her eyes but she looked to Ichigo after the pause. "Do you have a hand mirror?"  
"Yeah..."

He retrieved it, brought it reluctantly to her, remembering the passage in Kurotsuchi's notes about his reaction to seeing himself just a few months in.

Unohana waited but blue eyes were not relenting. "Just show me." She held it up.

He stood at once and walked away from her. He didn't make it far, he was weak and hadn't walked without hands holding him up in months. His hands slammed down on the desk both in anger and from him half falling. But he stayed up, staring at dull wood surface and shaking his head as if to deny this reality.

"Two years." he repeated, knuckles turning white as he pressed his hands into the surface harder. "And more than a year—no sound, no sight-" he was choking on too much pain, anger and sorrow rolling into a boiling storm. "Why?" He finally asked. "Unohana, why did they do this to me?"

"I wish there was a sane reason for it."

"No. I want an answer. Why?"

"There is no straight answer. You were put into the worst possible hands, secrets were kept from other captains, even the Head Captain didn't know what was going on. Kurotsuchi never told us he knew you had lost your vision, your hearing."

"No!" He spun on her and grabbed the front of her robes. "Why didn't you just kill me?"

He watched her for several long seconds until his erratic breathing climaxed into one strained gasp, his eyes rolled back and fingers slid free from her. She took his weight, holding the unconscious espada close for a long moment before laying him back on the bed.

So much for introductions.

* * *

Unohana stayed longer than intended. She was very aware that the Head Captain was not interested in devoting any more resources to Grimmjow, so any help she gave had to be on her own time. She would simply have to go without sleep this night, something she managed very often. She could not bring herself to leave without at least saying goodbye to Grimmjow but he didn't wake until just before her departure. He had exhausted himself, he was absolutely overwhelmed by the truths that had been told, even just by the sensory intake.

Unohana took time to give some advice. She told them his voice would return in time, it was just a dry rasp now and they could tell he was losing it quickly. Then she prepared to leave. Grimmjow woke when she entered.

"I have to go now."

He just nodded once he sat up.

"Do you understand that I'm leaving you with Ichigo. This is his home. You cannot leave here, there are spiritual bonds to ensure it."

He nodded again.

"Good," she waved Ichigo and Orihime over. "Ichigo made this happen. He wants to help you, I just ask that you let him."  
Another nod, it seemed that his voice was exhausted. "Well, I do have to go now, good bye, Grimmjow."

"Wait." He swallowed, trying to get more strength to his voice and she waited for him to continue. "Does this mean it's over? He won't come for me again?"

"Yes, it's over Grimmjow, you're safe."

Ichigo didn't react, but the lie struck him coming from one so honest. However, they all saw the deep breath Grimmjow released at this news. He nodded and whispered a good bye and Ichigo followed her out.

"But he _could_ be taken back, couldn't he?" He whispered to the captain at the door.

"Of course. But imagine what it would do to him if he knew that. He would just wait every second of every day for the door to open."  
He nodded, she was right.

"Alright, thank you Captain."

* * *

**27 Months Ago**

"Should you really be sitting?" Ichigo asked, making out Grimmjow hunched over next to the fire. It was his second night in their company, Orihime had woken but was not at full strength so they had to wait for her to be ready to heal- Grimmjow wasn't the only one who'd come out of the battle with injuries.

Ichigo approached him, and saw why he was sitting now. It may hurt his arm to be moved, but that burn in his back must have needed relief. His whole body was covered in sweat.

"Hey, you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm just great." His sarcasm was clearly hiding his real pain as he bit out the words.

"Here." He got Grimmjow one of their bottle of water. The other took it without a word and downed the whole thing in one swig. He sighed.

"Why don't you stay this time?" Ichigo asked. He knew he always asked, and he always got the same answer, but this time, before the refusal came, blue eyes cast around them, the slightest hint in his eyes that maybe he didn't think it was such a bad idea after all, but then his primal nature took over and he turned back to Ichigo.

"You know I never will."

"I know. It wold just be easier, for all of us. I mean, we could use you, and I'm sure it's lonely-"  
He stopped himself, thinking of Halibel. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I don't know. Bringing it up, I guess."

Grimmjow looked to the blade that had been respectfully placed next to his own at his side. He touched the hilt.

"Another life time ago, I wouldn't have cared." Ichigo knew he was talking about his time under Aizen.

"But you changed."

"No, circumstances change, the world changed."

"Fair enough. You going to be okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Okay." He stood up and left Grimmjow with his hand still on the hilt.

* * *

_**Thrilled by the responses to this, thanks so much for all the feedback, keep it coming! Now that Grimmjow is talking, we will be seeing what happened to him from his perspective (in flashbacks and conversations)**__** more than the notes. I also have a few more flashbacks to the war later in the story, to give a sense of where Ichigo and Grimmjow stood before all of this. I realize Grimmjow crying is sort of OOC, but at the same time that is kind of the point, he has been made into something not even he recognizes, so I hope you will stick around to see if he can find himself again!**_

_**Next chapter: Grimmjow struggled to eat and to cope with the reality of his situation.**_

_**Thanks again!**_

_**Riza**_


	6. Chapter 6

The next twenty four hours were a challenge. Constantly in the back of his mind, Ichigo was fighting the nagging thought that he was missing important classes, but after Unohana left, he knew he couldn't leave Grimmjow alone for the day. The espada sat on the bed like he had sat against that wall, except instead of being turned away, his head and eyes were focused on the doorway. Ichigo tried to keep an eye on him without it being too obvious, but every time he came close Grimmjow would see him. Sometimes, though, he would be sleeping, and Ichigo recalled the note about him sleeping only ten minutes at a time. It wouldn't allow someone to sneak up on him so easily, he supposed, but it was hardly healthy behaviour.

He let that go, however, in the face of more difficult tasks, namely getting Grimmjow to eat. It wasn't just that his body wasn't used to any variation from whatever they fed him in the cells, which Ichigo knew had to have been something he didn't have to chew or they would have choked him when force feeding him. The other problem was the fact he hadn't actually had to use his hands for any fine motor work in two years. So gripping the spoon was an amazingly frustrating task for the espada as he sat in the dark kitchen. His hands still never moved more than a foot apart- where one moved, the other followed as if metal still linked them together. Again, Ichigo would get to that later.

Ichigo didn't know what to say when he watched shaking fingers struggle with the task- he _never_ knew what to say around Grimmjow. He sat across from him, trying to think of something encouraging and not patronizing. It took ten minutes for Grimmjow to get the first spoonful of vegetable stew in his mouth. It was the best thing Ichigo could think to feed him since it was soft, but something he would have to chew. He tried not to stare the whole time as Grimmjow struggled through each step of the process. He put the spoon down less than half way through.

"The more you can eat, the better." Ichigo prompted.

He just shook his head.

The meal turned out to have not been the best idea. Grimmjow spent most of the night in the bathroom. He was simply not used to digesting these foods. Ichigo sighed, but what else could he do? Eventually Grimmjow's system would get used to it again.

When Grimmjow came out of the bathroom and willingly lay on his side on the bed, hands wrapped around his stomach, Ichigo was less sure of himself.

Ichigo ended up taking the week off school. This would mean some major catching up, the chapters he had to read were piling up, but Grimmjow seemed to be getting worse, if anything. His stomach was a mess. In order to get better, he had to eat more than he was used to, and different things than he was used to. So every day he went through painful sessions of cramps, sometimes throwing up. He began to eat less, by Friday, not at all.

"It'll pass." Ichigo insisted. He had oatmeal for him this morning, the most neutral thing he could think to give him. "You've got to eat."

"Not today." He whispered. His voice was slow to return, and he didn't use it often. He barely spoke to Ichigo, it was like they were strangers, like everything in their past was erased. Ichigo knew Grimmjow had to remember the war, otherwise, he would still see him as the enemy, still he was curious as to what the state of Grimmjow's memories were.

"Maybe later, then." Ichigo said as he put the bowl in the fridge. "But you should walk."  
They had also been walking back and forth through the apartment a few times a day. Grimmjow could get from his room to the kitchen and bathroom, but that was about the extent of his distance. So Ichigo walked next to him back and forth, a little further each day until he was exhausted.

But today, he knew the other was not going to be a willing participant.

"Come on Grimmjow."

Grimmjow was not used to having a choice. He had been forced into doing everything up to this point, so Ichigo was very careful never to say he _had_ to do anything and he knew Grimmjow was still getting used to the fact that when he protested to something, Ichgo actually listened. He looked at Ichigo with tired eyes when the teen stood waiting for him, hands in lap like they were still held down by an iron weight. He saw fatigue, strain, pain.

"Okay." Ichigo relented. "I'll take you back to your room if you want."

He nodded. Ichigo helped him stand and walked him in, then he turned the lights back on in the kitchen so he could clean up and try to do some reading. When he checked on Grimmjow, he had his head bent into his knees where he sat on the bed. He didn't disturb him until Orihime came over with fresh baked bread and an armload of Ichigo's coursework.

"Our prof said you better be sick in the hospital. You've missed three classes in a row and one pop quiz."

"Great." He sighed. "Fortunately most of my other profs don't take attendance."

"Well I think you should go back to class on Monday, I'll take a day off if I have to."

"No, Orihime, it's okay. I'll go, and I think Grimmjow will be fine, it's my short day anyway."  
"Alright, how is he?" They glanced in the room. Grimmjow was exactly as he had been since that morning. "What brought this on?"

"I have no idea."  
"Have you tried talking to him?"

"I will. He hasn't eaten either. I'll make him something, and see if he will eat it."

"Okay."

Orihime made them a lovely pasta while Ichigo decided to try some pudding with Grimmjow. He took it right into the room and sat next to him on the bed.

"Hey, Grimmjow, I think you should try to eat something."  
No response.

"Grimmjow, what's wrong?"

"I don't want to talk about it." Came the muffled voice.

"I'm asking you to."

"Everything."

"What?"

"Everything is wrong."

Ichigo let out a breath. "It will get better."

"I don't think it will."

"Come on Grimmjow, it's just going to take time."

"I don't...I..." he gripped his knees tighter. "I don't know how this is real."

This put Ichigo at a loss. He set the pudding on the ground and put a hand on Grimmjow's shoulder. The other flinched. Ichigo sighed, he knew Grimmjow couldn't control it, he flinched all the time, or twitched, or rubbed at his wrists until they were chaffed, or glanced in one direction as if expecting something. There were a hundred different little actions in a day alone that told of the horrors he'd been through and none of them were within his control. And that was what the espada was attempting to say.

"I don't know how this can be me." his voice came out so forlorn, so hopeless. "How did I become this?" His hands slid to his hair, fingers knotted in shaggy locks. "How is any of it real?!"

There was no answer to the question. Grimmjow didn't recognize the face that was in the mirror every time he went into the washroom. He didn't know the body that was wasted, the face so gaunt. He remembered the torture, but he couldn't remember himself being like this when it was happening. His own self image was conflicting with reality. His body wasn't his anymore, both in looks and his control. The way he shook most of the time, his hands especially, the way his body rejected the food he needed so badly to get better. The dread he felt most of the time, but couldn't explain.

"Grimmjow, it's bad, there's no getting around that. I won't pretend it's an easy fix, but we'll work at it. I promise, you will get better."

"How?"  
"Eating, for starters."

Grimmjow shook his head into his knees. "I just can't."

"Okay, not today. But maybe, you should get some proper sleep." he suggested. "I know you never sleep for long, but maybe if you lay down and tried you could sleep through the night, and you might feel a bit better."

"I can't."

"You haven't tried."

"I don't want to."

"Fine." Ichigo didn't let frustration seep into his voice. "Just let me know, if you need anything."  
He left. Grimmjow didn't move.

* * *

"Ichigo this is crazy, he's been like that for two days."

"I think he's depressed." Ichigo had done a marathon read of his chapters to catch up from Monday's psych course and found himself identifying many different traits in Grimmjow. He actually started taking notes and making a list of questions to ask his prof.

"How could he not be?" She asked.

"I guess you're right. I looked into anxiety disorders, but I haven't seen him show the same signs like in Kurotsuchi's notes." He meant the severe panic attacks.

"Maybe it hasn't been triggered. Or maybe things changed in that year he was in the cell."

"Maybe."

She sighed. It was Sunday morning, she poured ground coffee into the machine and flicked it on. "One thing for sure is that he _has_ to eat today."

"I don't want to make him."

"You also can't tip toe around him all the time."

"I guess."

He still felt guilty about those first few times he's force fed Grimmjow. He now understood that everyday in that last year Grimmjow had had to endure being manhandled with no warning of what was about to happen to him; he'd had to eat food he couldn't see; and he never knew when one of the times hands took hold of him he was to be taken back to Kurotsuchi. And even if Grimmjow could now see and hear again, he had been in his own private Hell for so long it would take alot to erase those feelings of insecurity.

"Why don't you just take him a piece of bread." she had brought a fresh one back from the bakery, her shift started at five in the morning but it was a short one so by ten am she had already finished work for the day.

"Okay," He put butter on it in an attempt to get a little more fat into Grimmjow and poured a glass of water for him. He took it in.

"Grimmjow, please try to eat." He spoke to the knees pulled up to his face. He sat in the chair like Unohana had, but he lacked that connection that got Grimmjow to open up.

"Grimmjow," he hesitated to be forceful, "You _have_ to eat it, okay?"

"I don't want it."

"I know. But you're going to get sick if you don't eat."

"I'm already sick."

"You'll get worse. I'm sorry Grimmjow, you have to eat something."

He waited. He tried not to remember Kurotsuchi's log on when they'd had force feed him, eventually going to intravenous.

Maybe Grimmjow remembered too, because he shifted slightly, raising his head to reach Ichigo's eyes. He had to see how serious the other was being.

"I said you have to, Grimmjow." Ichigo did his best to sound confident. And it was in moments like this, when Ichigo knew Unohana was right: the sixth espada he knew was gone. Grimmjow dropped his knees, sitting on the edge of the bed, wordless, demure. It had taken alot of pain to make him like this, and Ichigo hated to make use of the obedience Kurotsuchi had instilled in him. But he continued. "Here." he gave him the slice, he'd cut the crust off to make it even easier to eat. "Eat it."

Grimmjow did. There was a dead expression in his eyes, he carried out the motions like a robot. It was painful to watch.

When he finished, he waited for Ichigo to tell him what to do next. The twenty year old couldn't take it, he took one of Grimmjow's hands and held it between his own. "I don't want to make you do things you don't want, but sometimes you're going to have to." He explained. It did nothing to get rid of that expression, but blue eyes fixed on the hand that held his. It was one touch that seemed to reinforce to Grimmjow he was safe.

"Ichigo." it was the first time Grimmjow used his informal name. He sounded distant, but afraid. "I don't know if this is real."

"What?"

"Sometimes I don't think it is."

"You don't think _I'm _ real?"

"I don't know." He said honestly. "He could be doing this. To see how I react."

"Grimmjow, no, this isn't anything to do with Captain Kurotsuchi."

"He told me he would never let go. I couldn't escape. I couldn't die. So how can I be here?"

"He was wrong."  
Grimmjow looked at him hard. "He was never wrong."

Ichigo's heart sank. What did that mean? What had he done to make Grimmjow think all of this?

"Yes, he was, Grimmjow, everything he did was wrong."

"Then why didn't they stop it? Everyone agreed with him. Everyone let him take me back, even when I begged them, Ichigo. Even when I saw in their eyes they were disgusted, they always let it happen. Even Unohana. And every time I thought I might die, might escape, he brought me back. So how could he be wrong? How could this be real?"

"Shit Grimmjow!" Ichigo felt the heat of anger fill him. This is what the espada had been sitting here contemplating for two days? This is what Kurotsuchi had really reduced him to? He couldn't even trust his own senses to tell him this was real.

"It _is_ real, Grimmjow."

"It doesn't make sense. And now he'll come, because the experiment failed." he looked to the door expectantly. Ichigo gripped his hand tighter and then looked to his wrists.

"Here." He took one wrist in each of his hand and held them up to Grimmjow. "You aren't chained up anymore." he pulled his wrists away from each other, past that one foot limit. Grimmjow strained against him now, he wasn't sure why, but this was in conflict with what little he knew of the world.

"Stop." He pulled his hands back against himself when Ichigo let him go. His breaths had quickened, he kept looking to the door.

"He's not coming."

"He will."

"He won't. Grimmjow, we became allies, more or less, out in that desert. You remember that week, just the two of us? You remember giving me pointers, in that rocky field? You remember when you saved Orihime, or when you came to us, after Juha Bach nearly killed you. Do you remember those long days we spent chasing him, that battle? Do you really think I would participate in something like this after all of that?"

"No. Because Ichigo doesn't know I'm here." He said back after the speech. "And he can do anything. He can make me see or feel anything. So all of this could just be an illusion."

"It isn't!"

"Fine." Grimmjow's breaths were increasing. "Then if it is real, there's only one reason they would allow you to take me."

"Why?"

"To fix me, Ichigo. He wants you to fix me, so he can start all over again."

* * *

The moment the words had left him, Grimmjow seemed to agree with himself that this was the most likely situation. Ichigo had been duped, some order had been given that allowed Kurotsuchi to take him again, and as soon as he was better, he would come.

So Grimmjow didn't want to get better. Ichigo had argued with him but Grimmjow always reasoned away his logic. He didn't seem to believe Ichigo was in on it, but that he was being used, and refused to face facts.

And some tiny part of Ichigo feared Grimmjow was right.

Rukia wouldn't do it, neither would Unohana, but what if, somewhere in the scheme of soul reapers who had come to this decision, that was their intention? What if they really did want to keep him on reserve for when they needed another test subject?

He couldn't let any of these doubts show in him when he was around Grimmjow. He hated that he had to sit with him every day and tell him he had to eat and he didn't have a choice. He hated that it made him sick afterwards, though now he started to wonder if it was from fear rather than his body readjusting. He hated that Grimmjow watched the apartment door, or the bedroom door, every second he was awake.

But he had convinced himself and he was set on it. It went on for two weeks. Ichigo went to class, but worried about Grimmjow the entire time he was gone. He had taught Grimmjow how to call him but he knew he never would. He knew he just sat there waiting for the door to open, and every day when Ichigo came home he knew panic consumed him.

He had to unplug the phone. It rang one day, and Grimmjow went straight into a panic attack. Ichigo remembered the extensive notes on sound stimulus. Those tests had lasted weeks, so an unexpected, loud noise like the ringing phone had taken Grimmjow back to those weeks subjected to whatever mind breaking experiment Kurotsuchi had designed. It was bad. Ichigo was afraid he'd never get his breath back.

He threw up.  
And Ichigo knew he was only glimpsing Grimmjow's daily Hell. He didn't know where his mind went for the long periods of time when he would lapse into silence, stare at the wall. He didn't know what flashed in his mind when he fell asleep for ten minutes at a time and jolted awake in alarm.

He didn't know why Grimmjow couldn't stand the sound or spray of the shower, or why he had to let the bath water get to room temperature before he could get in it.

But he knew why he stopped eating three weeks after he'd arrived.

Grimmjow had gotten used to light again and had gotten enough strength back to walk back and forth across the apartment several times. In his mind, this meant he was ready to be taken.

Ichigo tried every tactic he had used over the last two weeks to get him to eat. He had to start getting up earlier everyday to spend more time trying to coax Grimmjow into eating, then demand it. He hadn't resisted anything this much since his arrival. But Ichigo guessed, faced with a return to that Hell, whatever obedience had been conditioned into him was wiped away.

Three days in, Grimmjow was severely dehydrated, shaking all over but not moving from where he sat on the bed. Ichigo sighed when he came home from school and saw the jug of water he'd left for him untouched.

"You HAVE to drink it." He said, pouring some into a cup. Grimmjow just turned away from him. He had stopped arguing with Ichigo yesterday and just chose to ignore him.

"You are quite literally dying, Grimmjow. You need water to survive, especially now that you're in a gigai. People can't live without water." Still no response. "You're going to drink water tonight, you have no choice." He said. "In fact, your going to eat something too, I won't let you throw away the progress you've made."

Ichigo went back out to the kitchen and made a shake with orange juice and protein powder. He guessed he would only be able to convince Grimmjow to consume one thing so he would make sure everything he needed was in that.

He poured it into a water bottle, he didn't want to force Grimmjow, but he was starting to fear he would have to.

He put the bottle in Grimmjow's hands. He talked to him, he pleaded with him, he reasoned with him, but Grimmjow wasn't budging.

"You need this." Ichigo took the bottle and stood. Grimmjow watched him carefully.

"What are you going to do?"

"I can't let you starve, or die of dehydration."

"Don't, Ichigo."

"Then please, drink it."

"I can't."

"Then I have to."

Grimmjow couldn't win this, he was far too weak. There was deep pain in Ichigo's features, as he closed one hand over both Grimmjow's wrists and kept them pinned against his chest, also effectively keeping the espada flush against the wall. It was still difficult. Grimmjow refused to open his mouth, Ichigo ended up half sitting on him to keep him down so he could free his other hand to force his mouth open. Grimmjow tried pushing against him but it was useless. Ichigo poured the shake into him and then covered his mouth like he had when he was deaf and blind.

It was awful.

It took a long time to get it all in him, but once Ichigo started, he wasn't about to give up. They were both covered in the orange mixture when he was done, Ichigo's hand and arms were sticky and Grimmjow's chin and neck. Ichigo didn't move, they were both panting, he felt his eyes stinging as he knew what he'd done. Grimmjow was trembling all over, hands still on Ichigo's shirt in protest, but now they held him and he bowed his head.

And the sixth espada wept into his chest.

* * *

**_As always, thanks for your reviews! Next Chapter: The battle over food comes to a head along with Grimmjow's paranoia._**

**_Riza_**


	7. Chapter 7

They went through the force-feedings every day, twice a day. It never stopped breaking Ichigo's heart. Sometimes tears rolled down Grimmjow's cheeks. Sometimes he would just turn away and refuse to look at Ichigo. Sometimes he begged and struggled. Sometimes he was practically limp. He accused Ichigo of wanting them to take him away. He accused him of being in league with Kurotsuchi. He would also try to appeal to the alliance they had established in Hueco Mundo. He repeatedly told Ichigo the Soul Reapers were keeping him in the dark.

It took all of Ichigo's energy and will to do this. He still made Grimmjow walk across the kitchen for exercise, but it usually took two hands on each of his shoulders to get him to do it. These two things alone took so much time he didn't have anymore to devote to deciphering his many twitches, and odd tendencies.

So for eighteen days this was their life, with the occasional visit from Orihime. It was a Friday night, when he came in with the food, and Grimmjow just said _please_ and the desperation in his eyes, was like Ichigo was about to start torturing him. And Ichigo just stood there, because he knew this was torture for him, in a way all of its own. He was becoming those heartless guards who had kept him alive for all the wrong reasons. But he didn't know what else to do.

"Grimmjow, you know I can't give this up, you aren't getting what you need as it is. You should be eating way more than this, you've barely put on five pounds and it's been weeks. If you know that I'm just going to win anyway, why not just drink it yourself?"

He watched him.

"You think I'll break first." Ichigo concluded. "You think I'll give up and let you get sick."

"I do."

Ichigo shut his eyes, it was a terrible stand off. "Grimmjow he's twisted you so bad. He's controlling you even now, don't you see that?"

"No, if I eat that willingly, that's when he controls me."

"Just forget about him. Do what you have to do to get strong, to get back who you were."

"Who I _am?_ And who am I? I'm a fucking test subject! I'm _his. _He made sure I knew that, every single day."

"But he was wrong. You were a warrior, Grimmjow."

"I was your enemy. I hurt your friends. And this is your revenge, isn't it?"

"You know that's not true."

"It makes sense." Grimmjow continued. He remained on the bed, but when Ichigo took a step closer he flinched. This wasn't just one of his many hysterical accusations, some part of him was working it all out, making it make sense, he actually believed it.

"Oh Hell, that's it, isn't it? He wants me to believe I'm finally free, he wants me to get better so he can start all over, and what do you get out of it? Well you get to be the one who pulls the rug out from under my feet. You get to destroy me like I tried to destroy you."

"ENOUGH!" Ichigo grabbed him by the shoulders and Grimmjow moved back so fast he smacked his head on the wall behind the bed but he couldn't escape the stronger man. "Stop it with these scenarios! Stop thinking about him. Stop imagining what he might want and do what you want."

"How long have you been working with him?" Grimmjow refused to listen to reason. "Did you always know what he was doing to me?"

"Stop this, Grimmjow!"

"Did you watch, on those cameras? You did, didn't you? I see it in your eyes, all the time. I see you look at scars and know why they're there. It's the only reason you figured out I could see or hear when nobody else could. Because you were there, the whole time."

Ichigo let him go and backed up. The other had wholly convinced himself this was the truth, and he did not have the energy to fight him anymore. But Grimmjow wasn't going to make this any easier tonight. When Ichigo reached for the bottle of protein shake he bolted off the bed.

"What are you doing, Grimmjow?"

"What, you don't want me to fight back? You don't want to get your hands dirty? You just prefer to watch!" Ichigo shoved him into the wall a little harder than intended and used his forearm to pin him there while he opened his jaw with that hand. The only upside to Grimmjow still being so fragile was that he was easy to physically control. But Ichigo had let anger cloud him, and he poured the drink into Grimmjow's mouth more to make him stop talking then to give him the nutrients he needed.

None of it was true, but it still hit a nerve. Because Ichigo had known they'd taken Grimmjow prisoner, since the day he was captured. He had known and he'd done nothing. Because he was hurt, he needed time for his wounds from the battle to heal. And then he was trying to get into university. And pick courses and find a place to live...

He went once, to see the Head Captain and plead Grimmjow's case. Once in those two years did he spare the time to try to honour that allegiance they'd forged. And he'd taken Yamamoto's word, that Grimmjow was in a private cell, that he was simply awaiting his trial, and then Ichigo could plead his case to the court. He'd imagined Grimmjow in a facility, bored out of his mind but safe. He waited to be contacted about the trial. But then classes built up, he had exams, family things, he started dating Orihime.

And he forgot about Grimmjow.

So now, those hateful words, had triggered all that guilt, and it was only when he heard a desperate sputter that he realized he'd gotten emotional, he was hurting Grimmjow. He pulled the near empty bottle up, not having meant to pour so much in. Much of it was down his hand and arm, and Grimmjow's face. Grimmjow choked out, Ichigo released him and he dropped to all fours and hurled.

Ichigo stepped back. Horror, shock- it all hit him, he slid down the wall and sat on the floor, hand over his mouth. Grimmjow sat back after his stomach stopped clenching. He sat covered in the shake he had and hadn't swallowed.

Ichigo burst into tears. Grimmjow watched him, shake, cry and cover his face in shame. He himself was shaking head to toe, he didn't have the energy to move again but he watched the man he'd just accused of being as bad as Kurotsuchi himself sob his heart out because he'd lost his temper.

Eventually he made out a broken apology. Ichigo lifted his face from his hands and spilled his guts about it all, about not making the effort he should have, about not making sure Grimmjow was really okay. He said he didn't want to do this to Grimmjow everyday, he didn't want to become someone he feared, but he didn't know what else to do, how else to help him.

And then he stood and came over to him, got him back on shaky feet and took him to the bathroom to clean him up. Neither spoke now, as Ichigo pulled Grimmjow's shirt off, took a cloth and ran warm water over it. He tried not to wonder about ever scar the cloth ran over. He tried not to see how much hands shook as he washed them too. He didn't want to look into haunted eyes but he didn't have much of a choice when he wiped off his cheeks, his mouth.

"You feel guilty." Grimmjow finally spoke after he'd watched Ichigo for some time.

"Yes, Grimmjow, I feel guilty, about what just happened and about not saving you two years ago."

"I was wrong, wasn't I? You aren't working with him?"

"No, I'm not working with him." He bowed his head. "I believe you."

"Thank you."

"I feel sick."

"It's my fault."

"No. I mean all the time, I feel sick. I don't..." he sat on the edge of the bath, head in hands. "I just don't know what to do." He finally said. He was exhausted, too tired to articulate anything more or deal with anything else.

"Here, you need to rest, and I mean, a real sleep." Ichigo got him standing but he faltered, totally spent. The young man got and arm around him and took him to the couch. "I'll clean up your room."

Grimmjow just nodded, and sat bent over with his head back in his hands.

It took him half an hour to scrub vomit and protein shake out of the carpet. Grimmjow was as he left him when he returned.

"Ready?" Grimmjow was already half asleep by the time he managed to get him from couch to bed. He eased him down and was glad the other didn't resist being put into a prone position. His body needed serious rest, not the few minutes he got here and there as he sat staring at the door.

He waited until Grimmjow was completely asleep before pulling a blanket over him and leaving.

* * *

Grimmjow's eyes parted on a dark room, he was still face down on the bed and moved to sit up.

His hands met resistance.

"What..? He moaned out, still trying to make sense of things but neither wrist moved an inche and he heard the friction of metal on metal. Panic. He saw the shackle around each wrist, attached to the legs of the bed. But it wasn't his bed, no, it was a metal table, his body shivering against its cold surface, mostly naked. And his legs were similarly chained, leaving him so open, so exposed.

And then that face was right before him.

"Kurotsuchi..."

"Welcome back, Grimmjow."

"No..."

"I thought we'd resume an old experiment." the scientist moved away, he heard the clanking of tools, bottles.

"I still think there is much we can learn about your hollow hole." Hands found his lower back, he couldn't move the way he was restrained. A cold swab ran along the edge of the hole, then there was a buzz of an object Grimmjow remembered vividly, part electricity, part spirit energy, but all pain.

"Try to relax."

"NO!" "GRIMMJOW!"

Ichigo had him by the shoulders. Grimmjow's hands were clenched around his arms in return, but it took along time for the nightmare to fade back to the bedroom around him. He choked on air, couldn't speak, couldn't find his breath.

"Grimmjow calm down." Ichigo tried, but the pain in his chest was severe, worse than it had been in months, maybe even more than year. Knowing he was having a panic attack only made it worse, come on stronger, hurt so much more. He fell back on the bed, fingers biting desperately into Ichigo's arms. Ichigo remained sitting over him, watching his body move in pain, his body consuming excessive amounts of oxygen.

There wasn't much Ichigo could do. He'd investigated this thoroughly, but most techniques relied on the person themselves doing something they practised to calm themselves. He could try to cover Grimmjow's mouth to stop him from breathing in so much but he didn't want to do anything forceful after yesterday.

It took forty five minutes for Grimmjow's breath to even out. By that point he was on his side, hand against his chest, whole body covered in sweat and exhausted. Ichigo was still sitting on the bed with him, he had a hand on his upper arm, but he didn't know what other comfort he could offer.

Tears came. There weren't many, he was far too spent to burst into full sobs, but there was such a broken edge to them, and they said everything Grimmjow couldn't: This is what they'd reduced him to. This was his life now, and no matter if he trusted Ichigo now or not, he couldn't escape this.

The day had just started and he was already exhausted.

Ichigo suggested Grimmjow try to sleep again, but the other shook his head and tried to sit up. He was shaking, but held onto the hand Ichigo offered and managed to sit. Ichigo gathered it had been a nightmare by the way Grimmjow had been screaming when he found him.

"Why don't we move to the kitchen?" He offered, hoping a change of scenery would help. Grimmjow just nodded. He got him up and out to the couch. The living room and kitchen was one open area, broken only in the transition from carpet to tile. Grimmjow sat stiffly, Ichigo arranged some pillows and managed to convince him to lay down for a bit. He lay on his side, holding his stomach like someone had just kicked him there. Ichigo decided to get some breakfast.

It had only been four hours since Ichigo had put him to bed in the middle of the night. Dawn was just peeking over the horizon, but Ichigo didn't think it was a good idea to leave Grimmjow alone.

He ate. He did some homework. At a more reasonable hour of the morning, he started getting some laundry ready. Grimmjow remained as he was the whole time. By noon, it was well past when Ichigo would normally give Grimmjow food, but he was hesitant. He wasn't sure where they stood on that issue after yesterday. He moved to the couch with a glass of water as a test. He got Grimmjow to sit up and handed it to him.

He drank it.

Ichigo didn't let his enormous relief show. He just took the empty glass back and went to make something more solid for Grimmjow to eat.

Grimmjow didn't speak for the entire day, he was caught in terrible memories ever since the morning and couldn't seem to shake them. But he ate twice, so Ichigo considered that a win. At night, however, he knew Grimmjow wouldn't sleep. Perhaps all this time he wasn't trying to keep an eye on the enemy, but trying to keep nightmares at bay.

* * *

_**Thanks for the continuing reviews! I love hearing your thoughts! **_

_**Next time: Flashback to the war when Grimmjow rescues a poisoned Ichigo; in the present a rainstorm brings on an honest convesation about torture.**_

_****Upping this to M rating to be safe. I'll change it when I update next.**_

_**Riza**_


	8. Chapter 8

**26 Months Ago**

"Orihime! Uryu! Chad!" Ichigo cried with hoarse lungs, but he saw no sign of them in the flat landscape. They had come to a more densely packed part of the desert, more of those weird trees that fascinated Uryu specked the horizon. They had intended to search this way for the enemy, but then something had happened and Ichigo had suddenly found himself alone. He'd stopped moving, convinced they had to be right here, and he was somehow missing them.

"Don't make so much noise." He spun and found the espada practically on top of him. How had he gotten there so fast?

"Gr-Grimmjow."

"Easy, kid."

"What's going on? Where are the others?"

"Not here."

"Did you do something to them?"

"Why would I?"

"I dunno..." he just noticed the slurred edge to his voice, felt something around his upper arm and looked down to see Grimmjow holding him up. "Wha.s..going on...?" He caught a toothy smirk before his wavering vision gave completely to the black.

* * *

"You got yourself poisoned." Grimmjow grinned at the prostrate teen with a splitting head ache who had just woken to a splitting headache. "Don't worry, just a bug bite- a hollow bug bite made to cripple it's prey mind you- but you have enough spiritual pressure to get rid of it."

Ichigo sat slowly, remembering some little scorpion like creature who'd nipped him a while ago.

"As for your girlfriend, she called." Ichigo looked to the Soul Pager laying next to him. "I told her you'd live."

"Was she alright?" "Well, she called, so I guess so."

"Ugh..." Ichigo sat. "How did I lose them?"

"The poison causes hallucinations, you probably ran away from them."

"Great." Ichigo picked up his zanpakuto which had been dropped beside him before he really took in what Grimmjow was doing. He had a row of knives and daggers before him, another in his lap which he was carving something into. "What are you doing?"

"Working."

"On what?"

"Killing the King."

"What?!" Ichigo made to stand, but faltered and ended up back on his ass. Grimmjow didn't hide his laugh.

"You aren't going anywhere soon, kid."

"You didn't tell my friends where I am?"

"Why would I?"

"Look, I don't know where I stand with you anymore Grimmjow. I mean, you saved Orihme last time and when you left, I don't know, I thought we kind of had an understanding."

"_I_ have an understanding. You have a _mis_understanding."

Ichigo remembered the whole hollow vs soul reaper speech and basic nature crap. Still, Grimmjow didn't seem like he was about to attack him.

"Well, as grateful as I am you didn't kill me while I was unconscious, I think I'll go now."

"I told you, you aren't going anywhere." Ichigo felt the weakness all over his body. Grimmjow was right.

"Then what are you doing? How are those daggers going to stop the King?"

Grimmjow took the one he'd just finished and tossed it to Ichigo.

"I can't read it." He said once he'd realized it was writing on the handle.

"It's ancient hollow tongue. It's the spell I taught you to penetrate their blutt."

"Are you saying it works if it's engraved?"

"Sort of. You have to know what you're doing, I wouldn't suggest you try do it but-" he pulled Pantera out of his sheath. Ichigo saw the same words engraved in the blade.

"How did you do that?" he didn't think you could alter your soul like that.

"Like I said." Grimmjow picked up another dagger, "You have to know what your're doing."

"So, what is your plan?"

"Well, I was originally just going to throw these daggers at them, but you gave me an idea."

"How?" "I'm going to douse the tips in the venom of the sand scorpions. There's one worse than what bit you. It paralyses instantly. So, I hit them with the daggers and suddenly they've got no Blutt _and_ they can't move. Easy pickings."

Ichigo was impressed but that still didn't explain why the espada hadn't left him to die.

"Ah. I need bait." he answered the question he read in the teen's eyes.

"What?"

"A surprise attack. You let so much of your spiritual pressure out when you were stumbling around out there there will be hoards of them coming for you. You're up there with their most wanted, you know."

"And you know this how?"

"Because I'm up there too. And, I'm alot quieter than you and your merry band so I hear things."

"How long has it been, Grimmjow, since you talked to someone who wasn't trying to kill you?"

The question caught Grimmjow off guard and he couldn't hide the look that passed over him. Still, he hardened his eyes and looked to the boy, "When did I see you last?"

"A month? You've been alone for a month?"

"Well who the Hell else do you think I'm going to be with? Don't you realize that you're the only one left in this whole damn desert who wouldn't try to kill me on sight?!" He shouted, startling himself as well. He stood. "Forget this."

"Grimmjow."

"Good luck fighting them off, kid."

"Grimmjow!" The other halted, back to him, he had to chose his words carefully. "It's a good plan."

The espada slowly turned back to him. "You'll be the bait?"

"Yes. Just tell me what I have to do."

* * *

"This could be it, the turning point in the war." Ichigo heaved, winded from the battle. They'd still had to fight quite a few soldiers, but Grimmjow's plan had worked like a charm. The daggers destroyed their blutt instantly, the venom then paralysed them. Grimmjow had taken out ten soldiers in the blink of an eyes. Ichigo was glad too, since he had been playing wounded on the ground and knew he would be hard put to fend off that many if the plan failed.

"It was a good plan." Grimmjow complimented himself, pulling the last long splinter from his leg. He'd take a bad hit, but he would be okay.

"I have to tell the others."

"Good idea." Grimmjow stood and moved past him to one of the bodies.

"What are you going to do?"

He rolled it over and Ichigo gasped seeing open eyes. "They were just paralysed." Grimmjow reminded him. "Now it's time to get answers."

"Wait, you don't mean-"

"See you later, kid."

"Grimmjow, I can't let you do this. They're prisoners of war."

"They're the people trying to kill you!"

"I still can't let you torture information out of them!"

"WHY NOT?" Grimmjow spun and grabbed him by the shoulders. "You arrogant little bastard, you think wars can be won without getting your hands dirty? War is about intelligence, knowing what the enemy is planning, so you can stop it before it happens, or hit them where they live. These soldiers are going to tell me where the King is."

"It's wrong." Ichigo insisted. "No matter what the justification, no matter what enemy."

"You are wrong kid." He turned his back on him. "If you Head East, you'll find your friends."

"I'm sorry, Grimmjow, I can't let you do this.

Blunt force struck the back of his head. Grimmjow hit the sand.

* * *

**Present**

Heavy rain beat against the glass, the gale force winds driving droplets straight into the pane.

"I've never seen this." Grimmjow said, staring out at the storm, leaves blowing all around, the sky darkened by heavy clouds.

"No rain in Hueco Mundo, huh?"

"I don't remember." His voice was faint.

"What?"

"I have trouble remembering things before Aizen, even after."

"What about during the war, do you remember running into us every few weeks?"

"Yeah. I thought I'd forgotten that too, but then I saw that bug Orihme put out the window this morning and I remembered the sand scorpions."

"You remember the trap we set?"

He nodded. "I was thinking about after."

"Oh."

"I did it before, you know."

"What?"

"I tortured people, before you stopped me that day. It's the only reason I was able to learn so much about the Vandenreich, other than what I managed to over hear."

"Grimmjow, we don't have to go into it."

"I remember when it first started with Soifon, I kept thinking about what I'd done to those people, and I wondered if she'd do the same to me."

"Did she?"

"Every last thing I'd done to the Vandenreich. She probably could have gotten even more out of them if I'd turned them over to her. She knew so many ways to-"

He stopped himself, still staring out the window, his reflection staring back on the stormy backdrop. Two weeks of eating solid foods had him up another five pounds. He still had a way to go but the person who stared back at him was a little less frightening, especially after Orihime had cut his hair for him.

"Do you want to talk about? What happened, I mean?"

"You want to know how they tortured me, Ichigo?" He turned away from the window now, and faced the teen who was at the other end of the couch, school book in his lap.

"It's not about what I want to know, it's about if you want to tell me."

"Why would I?"

"I don't know, maybe it would make you feel better." "I don't see how." Grimmjow sat back and pulled his legs up like he always did.

"Well, it's all you think about, isn't it? Maybe it would be easier if you didn't keep it all bottled up inside."

"I don't know. I just...wish I was always like this." Grimmjow admitted and Ichigo knew exactly what he meant. It wasn't exactly moments of clarity, Grimmjow was always lucid, but you could never doubt that he was damaged. Except on these rare occasions, when he talked with the same confidence and edge of sarcasm he had out in the desert when they were fighting side by side or nearly fighting each other. He saw things briefly as he once had, he saw Ichigo as a kid and not his keeper. But then something would happen to trigger a panic attack or a memory, or phantom pains he seemed to keep having- something to snap him back to the torture and redo all the mental conditioning, breaking, molding that had been done.

"Do you feel better like this?" Ichigo asked him.

Grimmjow shook his head. "Not really. The memories are clearest, but I hate that I am the way that I am. Only, like this- it's the only way I can imagine having a life again."

"Well it's good, then, at least you know it's there, still inside of you."

"I guess." A roll of thunder shook the glass. Grimmjow cringed as the loud noise reverberated through him, the flash of light didn't help either. Noises were one of the worst trigger. Ichigo had reread some sections of Kurotsuchi's notes to better understand why the door closing or the phone ringing had such an effect on him. He hadn't told Grimmjow about the files, he was afraid the other would see it as a violation of privacy or something, so he asked a question as if he didn't know the answer.

"Grimmjow, why do noises upset you so much?" Grimmjow looked at him, as if trying to read his motivation for asking the question. He was well aware that Ichigo took precautions to make sure pots didn't bang together, or doors slam. He decided to answer.

"It's a technique, been used for centuries, I'm sure humans do it to. Sound is a surprisingly versatile tool in torture. They used it to stop me from falling asleep at first. Sometimes they would repeat a sound very loud for very long. Sometimes there would be bursts of sound that would come at different intervals, and all you could do was just anticipate the next one. But Kurotsuchi-" He barely ever said the name, it alone seemed enough to conjure horrible memories, "he did this thing he called 'conditioning.' He would play a sound before-" he swallowed, Ichigo could see in his eyes multiple memories were surfacing.

"It's okay," Ichigo interrupted. "I think I see where it's going. Yes, humans do this too." He was thinking of Pavlov and his dog.

"Yeah. The last long session I was with him, he accidentally blew out my eardrums." Ichigo didn't even want to think about what he could have done to cause such damage. "It was the last sound I heard for more than a year."

"Wow."

"I didn't know your ears did so much." he went on. "I could hardly stand up after, I was always dizzy." He sighed, "So, that satisfy the curiosity?"

"Like I said, it's not like that."

"Ichigo."

"Yeah?"

"Would you ever send me back?" And this was when Ichigo had to remind himself Grimmjow would never just snap out of it. Even in his clearest moments, he was still always afraid, was always worried about returning to Soul Society. Ichigo looked to him now, seeing that panicked edge in his eyes.

"To Soul Society?"

"Yes. If you got busy with your courses or something-"

"No, Grimmjow." Ichigo shut his book and sat up straighter. "I swear, I won't send you back."

"What if they came? What if they ordered you to take me back?"

"It won't happen."

"But what if it did? You're still a Soul Reaper, I'm still a hollow and at the end of the day-"

"No, I don't believe in that, remember?"

"But you would be loyal to them. You would have to take me back, wouldn't you?" "It depends why they wanted to see you."

"You know what I'm asking."

"I will not let them torture you again, Grimmjow. That's the black and white truth you need to hang onto."

"Because you don't believe in torture."

"Yes. But because you... you were my ally in the end, Grimmjow."

"And now I'm your prisoner."

"Is that what you feel like?"

"I'll always be a prisoner, Ichigo. Maybe not yours, but his."

"Only if you give up."

"It's kind of hard to see a reason not to."

"I know. But you haven't yet. You're too stubborn for that."

"Yeah, maybe..." his eyes fell back to his knees.

Quiet resumed.

* * *

**26 Months Ago**

"You son of a bitch." Grimmjow growled when he woke by a crackling fire, Ichigo sitting next to it, drinking water. He capped the bottle and tossed it to Grimmjow who threw it away immediately. "What do you think you're playing at?" He rose, seething, and reached for Pantera. He wasn't there. "Give me my damn sword."

"I don't want to fight you."

"You brought this on yourself kid. You know what an opportunity you threw away back there? You know they're just going to come after us again!" "They won't. I called Soifon."

"That captian?"

"Yes, she captured them."

Grimmjow stared at him, then he relaxed and burst into laughter.

"What?"

"You sorry son of a bitch. You think you did the right thing, don't you"

"What do you mean?"

"What kind of idiot are you? I was going beat some information out of them, maybe break a few fingers, cut 'em up, but the Soul Reapers-" he laughed again, "Oh kid they're going to rip them apart. They'll take them back to some cell and do things to them you can't even imagine."

"They can't." Ichigo protested. "They're prisoners of war."

"Exactly, kid. _War. _The rules go out the window when you're at war."

Ichigo quieted.

"Do me a favour kid, come find me when you grow up and then I'll beat your ass for what you just did. I wouldn't get any satisfaction out of it the way you are now."

He yanked Pantera from Ichigo's slack grip, the teen was still processing what he'd done.

"You're not just being mean, you really believe that's what's happening to them?"

"Of course it is." Grimmjow said as he strapped his sword over his hips and turned to leave but stopped, looking back at Ichigo. "You should know all this. But you're not a soldier. You're a human child. You don't belong on the battle field, you're just going to mess things up, so go home and stay out of my way."

The teen watched him sonido away, sand spraying back on him from the force, willing himself to believe the Soul Reapers weren't capable of the things Grimmjow said. But there had been no lie in the espada and standing there alone in hollow sands, Ichigo knew it was the truth.

* * *

_**Thanks as always for the support! **_

_**Next time: Unohana's visit does more harm than good/ 26 months ago Grimmjow and Ichigo fall into some serious trouble**_

_**Riza**_


	9. Chapter 9

"You cut your hair." Unohana smiled, entering Grimmjow's room. He was sat as normal on his bed, he seemed to have mixed reactions to seeing her. While she had been the only friendly face he'd known back in Soul Society, now that he was removed from that place, her face brought memories of fear and pain.

"Have you come to take me back?" Was his first question, alarm in his voice, his whole body went tense.

"No, Grimmjow. I've just come to see how you were doing." She sat on the bed next to him.

"Oh."

"So, how are you doing?"

He shrugged.

"You've gained some weight."

He nodded.

"Am I upsetting you?"

"I don't know. I just wasn't expecting you."

The unexpected was never good in Grimmjow's fairly routine day. He had Icihgo's class schedule memorized, knew when he should be home or leaving, so any other times the door opened and closed put him on edge. Orihime was the only other face he was used to.

"I should have sent word I was coming. I'm sorry."

"Have they said anything about me?"

"Who?"

"The Soul Reapers. Has there been any talk about taking me back?"

"No, Grimmjow, you're safe." She reassured, taking one of his hands that had been clenched around his knee. "Your grip is stronger." she smiled but he didn't take the bait, he wouldn't be distracted.

"Have you seen him?"

"You mean Captain Kurotsuchi?"

He cringed at the name, lowering his head to his knees.

"Yes."

"I see him in our meetings but we don't speak outside of them."

He shuddered, just picturing that black and white face. "Has he said anything about me?" She hesitated just a second and his head shot up, seeing the truth. "He has!"

"Grimmjow calm down."

"What? What does he say? He wants me back doesn't he?"

"It doesn't matter what he wants."

"YES IT DOES!" He pulled his hand from hers and rolled off the bed, pacing frantically. "He always gets his way. He told me."

"Just because he told you-"

"Soifon tried! You tried! But he always won!"

"Grimmjow." Ichigo had heard the commotion and stood in the doorway but Grimmjow never saw him.

"He'll come get me. He'll take me back like he always does."

"No, Grimmjow." Unohana tried but he waved off her arguments, frantically rubbing his wrists where the chains had been as he paced.

"And then he'll want to start right away. He'll want to see what conditions still work. I wonder what he'll start with..." He was gone, lost in his own world. He had stopped pacing, was frozen by one wall, eyes no longer seeing Unohana and Ichigo.

"Grimmjow." Unohana tried to sooth him, but he wasn't with her. He only flinched from her touch and half fell into the wall.

"Hey, it's okay." Ichigo joined her and he knelt as Grimmjow slowly slid to the floor. Unohana observed, she was not his rock anymore, Ichigo was. "I won't let it happen."

He squeezed his shoulders, trying to bring him back.

"Ichigo..."

"Yeah?"

"I can't do it...it's not just the pain..." his hands came up to grip Ichigo's arms back, his breath rattling, "It's his hands, those fingernails...pulling off my clothes...I hated being seen naked. Isn't that crazy?" He bowed his head, choking on the sobs, the panic, the memories. "In all that insanity I still cared about something like that."

"Of course you did. There's nothing wrong with that." he pressed Grimmjow into him, the other's face against his shoulder.

"He said everything I had was his. My body, my mind, my soul.."

"He was wrong."

"He's never wrong. He took everything from me."

"He didn't."

"You don't know. You can't know..."

"I know I can't. But you're here now, you're safe." Ichigo held him tighter, words became incoherent, but he caught one, one that instantly brought so many questions to mind: _Pantera._ Ichigo looked to Unohana, he didn't remember seeing Pantera anywhere in the last few weeks. But he couldn't deal with that now. Grimmjow was sobbing violently against him and he needed to remain in the present with him, to hold onto him while he relived Hell.

* * *

**26 months ago**

"Stop following me." Grimmjow came to a halt on a rock strewn plane. Ichigo landed from flash step just behind him. He took a moment to behold the land. Chunks of obsidian were scattered like massive stepping stones all over, and a ridge of mountains rose in the distance. This was not at all what he though Hueco Mundo was like. He guessed just because the part they entered was a desert didn't mean everything was.

"You're going after the King, aren't you?"

"I already told you I was. The daggers worked. I'm going."

"We should wait, for backup."

_"We_ shouldn't do anything, _I'm_ going to kill the King and you are going home."

"But I'm not. You stand a better chance with me."

Grimmjow looked him up and down and snorted. "No I don't."  
"Yes you-"

Ichigo was floored by the punch and the foot that came down on his gut was none too gentle. Grimmjow leaned down, and stared at him as he sputtered. "You never keep your guard up; you make too much noise when you're trying to follow someone; you never fully conceal your spiritual pressure and you let your emotions determine your actions." he lifted his foot and stepped back. "Like I said before, you're not a soldier, and I definitely don't need you dragging me down."

"Then this is good bye." Ichigo choked, sitting up. "Because if you go after the King by yourself, then I'll never see you again."

"Would make your life easier huh?"

"Not really." Ichigo stood. "We've helped each other alot since this war. At this point, you dying would be bad for me."

Grimmjow gave a snort.

"Do you even know where he is?" Ichigo questioned.

"No, but now I'll just have to follow the Soul Reapers, soon as they _extract_ the information that should have been mine in the first place."

Ichigo ignored yet another dig at him and instead tried to turn this around. "Then come back with me. We'll attack together."

"I already told you, you'll mess everything up."

"I won't."

"Then prove it." Grimmjow pulled Pantera from his sheath. "Show me."

Ichigo considered. "Okay."

* * *

** Present **

Grimmjow sat limp in the living room chair, while Unoahan dabbed a clothe over his face, trying to sooth swollen eyes and help him calm. Ichigo brought over a glass of water but Grimmojw's hands were far too unsteady so he put it up to his lips and tipped it back slowly for him. He was still with them, mentally, but the break down had drained him completely. He trembled as if he were naked on a winter night.

They did what they could for him, like paramedics treating a victim in shock. But there was no way to know what horror was assaulting their victim now, or if it was just all of it. It was very possible he was just aware of how ruined he was, how it could happen again. He had exhausted his tears but they'd done nothing to wash away his fears and suffering.

"I've never seen him this bad." Ichigo said truthfully, he himself was shaken by the ordeal.

"Just give him time."

"Okay." He moved back over to the kitchen and put the kettle on for tea. Unohana pulled a blanket around Grimmjow, reinforcing Ichigo's comparison to a victim at the scene of an accident. She stroked his hair in a mothering fashion, ran her hand under his eyes to catch the last tears that worked their way out and then pulled away to join Ichigo.

"He worked himself into a flashback."

"A flashback, like, reliving it?"

"A flashback isn't necessarily re-experiencing an event, though it can be- but it can also be returning to certain emotions. Panic, is like this. Once he started having panic attacks, they got worse everytime because once he felt the pain in his chest he knew what was coming, so it built faster. In any case, we just have to ride it out."

"He has been doing well." Ichigo tried to sound positive but it was hard in this situation. "He's been eating at least twice a day, walking. We had a conversation last night about old times. But then something like this happens and I remember what it took to get him to this state."

"I fear I have been a hindrance."

"No, it's not you. It's Kurotsuchi."

She nodded and accepted the tea he offered her. "I brought you these."

She handed him papers with a few instructions and diagrams on them. "Is this physiotherapy?"

"I suppose, yes. It's just some suggestions of exercises you might want to try with him, to get some of his strength back. I will go through them with him, if he is up to it before I have to go."

"When do you have to go back?"

"Tomorrow morning. I will stay for the night, if it's alright."

"Of course."

"You should take this time to rest, Ichigo, I imagine all of this is quite strenuous on you."

"I will thanks, but in a bit. I just want to wait." She nodded. Even with her here, he didn't feel right leaving Grimmjow in this state.

* * *

**26 Months Ago**

"You have no idea how to fight on the ground." Grimmjow sighed. Ichigo wasn't sure at what point their match had turned into training. He guessed maybe when they'd both landed exhausted, and Grimmjow had shot some insult about his fighting style that Ichigo hadn't understood. The other had elaborated to explain his many faults in techniques and then gone on to show him how to do it right. Now they had been sparring on ground level, and Ichigo kept getting tripped up on the smooth obsidian stones all around them.

"Hey, this is your home turf, of course I'm not used to it."

"It's got nothing to do with knowing the landscape, it's about being _aware_ of it. Not every battle you fight can be in the sky where there are no obstacles. You need to remember what's under your feet." Grimmjow used his sheathed sword to strike Ichigo. Though it wasn't hard, it was enough to throw him off balance and he landed hard on the ground. "And what's under your enemy." He belted Pantera back around him while Ichigo got up again.

"Okay, I get it." Ichigo dusted himself off."

"I'm not sure you do." Grimmjow's eyes had turned North, Ichigo saw nothing, but blue eyes narrowed.

"What is it?"

"If you don't know, then I really don't want you tagging along."

Grimmjow vanished. Ichigo cursed and chased after him. He knew he should go back to his friends, but he wasn't quite ready to let the espada out of his sight again. When they worked together, things turned out well, he didn't want to give up another chance of making a breakthrough.

He found him at the ridge of a chasm: a giant canyon that reminded Ichigo of a famous destination in America. There seemed to be a series of explosions at the bottom, but he couldn't tell just what was happening. He looked to Grimmjow.

"I don't know." The espada answered the unasked question. "I haven't been out here since I was an adhuchas." He scanned the far side of the canyon, it was dotted with holes, some large enough that they could see a network of caverns inside. "Ancient hollows live out here. Where nothing disturbs them."

"You think that's going to disturb them?" Ichigo had turned back to the battle.

"I think that's them fighting something. The Vandenreich tried to capture anything powerful in the desert, they must have just discovered this place."

"Must have."

There was a sonic boom, a crackle of breaking stone and a white flash of light that stole their sight.

Then they were falling.

* * *

_**So thankful for the reviews, I love reading them! I have seen many excellent suggestions and observations, I do try to incorporate ideas when I can, though sometimes I have already written ahead, but I appreciate your thoughts, and I will try to include your ideas when I can so feel free to continue sharing them. Also to answer a question this is not a yaoi story, more like an intense friendship I guess. **_

_**Next time: Grimmjow continues to be haunted by memories; 26 months ago, Ichigo and Grimmjow find themselves trapped in a dark and dangerous place.**_

_**Thanks again,**_

_**Riza**_


	10. Chapter 10

**Present**

"Grimmjow!"

Ichigo hurried to him when he lurched forward in the chair. "I'm gonna throw up."

He heard the words just in time to grab the waste basket and bring it up to Grimmjow. He convulsed into the bucket several times before letting Ichigo take it and falling back into the cushioned chair. He panted, eyes half shut.

"What's wrong?" Ichigo asked him in concern.

He just shook his head, indicating he didn't know.

"Could be anything." Unohana said joining them. She didn't voice aloud that it was very likely he'd been caught in a memory that had brought this on. Ichigo seemed to know this anyway by the look on his face.

"Is there anything we can get you, Grimmjow?"

He had a hand over his eyes and shook his head no.

"I think you should try to rest. Why don't we take you to your room?"

He shook his head again.

"He has nightmares if he sleeps too long." Ichigo whispered to her. She sighed and rose. "Then I'll stay up with him. You should go to bed, Ichigo, it's late."

"Are you sure?"

"I am." He looked to Grimmjow, the other still had his eyes covered. "Alright then. Night."

* * *

**26 months ago**

"Grimmjow?" His voice echoed in the dark. Ichigo shifted and groaned in pain.

"Shut up." came the desperate hiss and he heard the shift of stone and a body moved next to him. "Pull back your spiritual pressure now!" Grimmjow whispered.

"What's going on?"  
"Just do it!"

Ichigo concentrated. He hadn't really learned how to hold it back very well.

"Kurosaki!"

"I'm trying."

He heard a bellow, a strange bestial noise rang off the walls and he felt the thunder of movement. Then he was struck by Grimmjow's weight landing on him and he felt the very odd sensation of his own energy being shoved back towards himself. Grimmjow shook where he lay half on top of him, holding his shoulders tight. It was an enormous effort for the espada to contain all that free flowing energy. But he did it. Ten minutes passed in the pitch black, when there was finally quiet, Grimmjow collapsed over Ichigo's chest, panting, and the rocks around them vibrated as Ichigo's power escaped once more.

"What was that?"

"One of the ancients." Grimmjow was still out of breath but pushed himself from the teen. "Powerful beasts I don't think either of us are up to tackling right now."

"Oh." Ichigo tried to sit and groaned again, feeling tightness in chest, and pain on his right side, but the most alarming thing was his leg. It was stuck.

"Come on." Grimmjow couldn't see either, it was impossibly dark down here, not even the smallest glow of light to let them see. They must have fallen deep into the network of caverns. "Let's go."

"I can't."

"What?"

"My leg is stuck."

"What? Where?" He felt hands pat over him until he found the rock in question. Ichigo heard a strained grunt, the rock shifted but didn't roll free. Grimmjow collapsed coughing next to him.

"Dammit." He wheezed. "I don't know if I can get it off."

Ichigo waited. There was no reason for Grimmjow to stay and help him. But the other never said anything about leaving.

"Is it hurt?"

"My leg?"

"Yeah."

"No, it's just wedged."

"Good."

He heard Grimmjow feeling around in the dark, trying to assess the situation. "It's big." He admitted when he settled back down next to Ichigo.

"Can you use a cero blast?"

"Maybe, but that might also bring the whole place down on us."

"Right..."

"Well this is it, kid." Ichigo shut his eyes, even in the dark. He didn't want to hear the next words, didn't want the other to abandon him in this dark place. But the words he feared didn't come.

"Guess we're sitting ducks."

"Yeah...I guess we are."

* * *

**Present**

"Were you up all night?" Ichigo slumped out of his bedroom, still exhausted, but he sat at the table and accepted the tea Unohana passed him. He glanced over at the arm chair. Grimmjow was limp, eyes shut.

"He's been asleep for an hour. He needs it."  
"I know." But Ichigo also knew what would happen when he woke up from a nightmare. It was too late now, however.

"I will show you the exercises if that's alright. Then I have to go."

"Of course."

She did them on him like he would have to do for Grimmjow at first, but then hopefully the espada could find the will to do them himself. They were basic, easy. Stand on his toes and then go back down; squat then stand- just to get the muscles in his legs doing something more than walking. It was similar with his arms, she worked in some stretches as well. Grimmjow's body was stiff from being held in the same position all the time, hopefully these would improve that. Ichigo thanked her when they were done, and walked her out. She smiled sadly on him, before leaving.

It was lunch time when the startled cry came.

"Just breathe." Ichigo instructed, kneeling before the chair.

"It's gone..." He looked frantically around, remembering where he was. His eyes eventually came back to Ichigo. "It's over."

"Yes, it is."

Grimmjow rubbed his wrists in that way he did when he was remembering. Ichigo noticed the skin was looking rough and sore from repeated abuse. He took his hands to make him stop.

"You're in the apartment."

"Yeah...I was...dreaming about the cold chamber."

Ichigo didn't even want to ask, but Grimmjow was distant, eyes still roaming over the room as if for the first time- or as if he was looking for the flaw that would give the game away and it would all dissolve back into the laboratory. "The cold chamber?" He said just to get those eyes focused on him again.

"Drops one degree each hour." He looked up at the ceiling. "I made it 57 hours."

"Oh Grimmjow..."

"I went to sleep." He shut his eyes, as if it was a pleasant memory, "it was actually kind of peaceful, everything just got slow, and I gave in, because it seemed like the best way to go. Then I woke up in a tub of water so hot I couldn't believe I wasn't burned. I had no idea it could hurt so much to have your blood vessels re-expand and your body come back to life."

"That's horrible, Grimmjow."

"That was a good day, compared to most."

"Are you okay?"

"I think so."

"I'm making breakfast. I'll bring you over some when it's ready."

"Okay."

* * *

**26 Months Ago**

"You can't walk, can you?" Ichigo had been on his back, flat, for three days in the dark. Or one day, or ten, he wasn't really sure, there was nothing to go by in here. His soul pager was smashed, there was no help coming, only the man who sat beside him now.

"No."

"I knew it." Ichigo had wondered this whole time what had kept Grimmjow glued to his side. He couldn't see him, but he could hear him grunt in pain, hear the scrape of dead weight every time he moved. "You need to free me, so I can be your crutch."

"Pretty much sums it up." Grimmjow lay back beside him. He had just finished once again attempting to move the rock. Ichigo could feel his body heat radiating next to him. It was cold down here, both of them shivered through the days unless Grimmjow put in alot of effort like he'd just done. If it had been any of his friends, they would have huddled together long ago to keep warm, but that was definitely out of the question in this situation.

Ichigo didn't bother being offended that Grimmjow only cared about his own ass, it was the way things were between them.

"So, what's the damage?"

"Leg's broken pretty bad."

"How bad?"

"Well, I pushed the bone back under the skin before you woke up."

"Okay, so bad."

"Yeah."

"Great."

"Yeah."

"I'm frigging thirsty. Why did you have to throw my water bottle away?"

"Because you knocked me out and stole my prisoners."

"_Our p_risoners. I helped you get them remember."

"Whatever."

"How long can you go without water?"

"A while. You?"

"I'm not sure. If I was in my body I would be dying, but I don't know how long I can last in my Spiritual form."

"Why do you do it?"

"What?"

"You're human. Why are you involved in the spirit world?"

"It just sort of happened, and then, it didn't stop happening."

"That was a horrible explanation."

"Yeah I know, but it's true. What about you? Why did you team up with Aizen?"

"For power." Grimmjow stated bluntly. "With the Hogyoku he made me like this."

"So what were you before?"

"Farther down the evolutionary scale. But like that I was...free."

"Yeah, I don't take you as one who really listens to orders."

"I wasn't. Aizen was a bastard, got what he deserved."

"He did."

They lapsed into silence, but they had had several conversations to try to fill the void of silence and darkness. Even just hearing the other's breath was reassurance that they weren't alone in the endless dark.

* * *

**Present**

Ichigo woke when he felt movement next to him. It took him several long seconds to remember where he was. It had been Grimmjow's first panic attack since Unohana's visit three days ago. It had been triggered by a memory as far as Ichigo could tell, and he'd finally gotten Grimmjow to bed after another horrible session of pain and inability to breathe. He hadn't wanted to leave him alone so he'd sat at his feet on the bed, waiting. He must have fallen asleep.

"You told me a story."

"What?" Ichigo squinted in the dark to see Grimmjow had rolled to his back, his hands working over is wrists again. Ichigo had bandaged them up when he'd found them nearly bleeding they were so chaffed. Now Grimmjow rubbed at the bandages but at least it wasn't hurting him.

"In the dark, when we were trapped."

"Oh yeah."

"But then the ancient one came, and I never heard the end."

"Do you remember it?"

"Sort of."

"It was a good movie." He almost suggested they watch it some time, but then he remembered when he'd attempted to entertain Grimmjow with tv but he'd found the noise and light unbearable.

"What was it called?"

"3:10 to Yuma."

"I don't remember what that means."

"It was a train they had to catch."

"Right. He took the prisoner."

"Right. Dan had Ben Wade in his custody, but he knew Ben Wade's people were coming for them and he was out gunned."

"So how did it end? Did Wade get away, or did he get put on the train?"

"Both, sort of. There was a shoot out, his men shot Dan. Dan's son saw. He was dying and Wade killed his own men, and got on the train so Dan would get the money for completing the job. He died, but his son got the money and saved their family."

"Oh. I didn't expect that ending. Wade did that, even for the enemy?"

"Yeah, but Dan was honourable, and he respected that."

"Oh."

"What is it, Grimmjow?"

"I could walk."

"What?"

"It only took four days for my spiritual pressure to stitch my bone back together enough to get me out of there at least."

"We were down there for a week."

"I know."

"You...chose not to leave me?"

Grimmjow shrugged. "Maybe part of me knew."

"Knew what?"

"That you were the only person left I count on."

"Thank you, Grimmjow. For not leaving me there."

"Thank you, Ichigo, for not leaving me in that cell."

It occurred to Ichigo in that moment that Grimmjow would never have known he'd been sentenced to death. He had been deaf and blind, had no idea what was happening, so to him, Ichigo had rescued him from that horrible darkness. He wondered if he would be so thankful it he knew it all could have been put to an end.  
"You're welcome."

* * *

** 26 Months ago**

Ichigo dropped Grimmjow onto the sandy terrain at the bottom of the ravine. The attack of the ancient hollow had been a blessing in the end, and it had dislodged the stone trapping his leg. They'd finally escaped and now struggled to see even in this shadowed light.

It took some time, but eventually they managed to readjust to the light. They looked like hell: filthy, dried blood all over them and skin tight from dehydration.

"If we stay here too long more ancient ones will come." Grimmjow stood.

"Is your leg okay?"

"Enough to walk."

"Here, I'll take us back up."

"No. I think there was a reason the Vandenriech were down here."

Ichigo scanned the canyon, not seeing any signs.

"We can come back, when we're stronger."  
"There is no we, kid. You're a good story teller but not the soldier I need at my side. Later."

He sonidoed away.

"But...what about your leg..."

* * *

**_So not alot really happened, but I thought this chapter helped show the past and present relationship between Ichigo and Grimmjow. _**

**_Next time: Ichigo delves back into Kurotsuchi's reports to learn of what happened to Pantera._**

**_ Riza_**


	11. Chapter 11

Grimmjow stood before the mirror. He squinted hard, trying bring back the image of who he used to be, trying to see past prominent collar bones and scars and thin hair.

"_Who is that?"_

_ He held the mirror between shackled hands, Kurotsuchi's yellow teeth glinted as he smiled._

_ "It's you."_

_ "No it's not." Grimmjow shook his head, but the person in the frame did the same. He held it closer, then farther, trying to make sense of it. "That's not what I look like."_

_ "It is now." A cruel hand came to his face, long nails trailing over his flesh and he watched them move to grip his chin in the mirror. "This is the face of the man I destroyed."_

_ "No.."_

_ "No matter how much you resist, this is still what you've become."_

_ "No..." the mirror fell from weak hands, shattered like his own heart and soul. And that hand only gripped his face tighter when he felt them wet with tears. _

"Grimmjow?"

He jolted back, seeing the still gaunt face in the mirror and turned away. He didn't intend to run directly into the teen, but when steadying hands came up to hold him he didn't resist.

"I forget." He whispered into the other's collar.

"What?"

"What I looked like before. I used to see a stranger when I looked in the mirror. But now it's the only face I know."

"Not forever, Grimmjow. We're getting there, I promise, you'll see yourself again."

A hard swallow, a ragged breath. Ichigo held him tighter.

* * *

"Rukia, come on in." He stepped aside but called into the living room. "Grimmjow, Rukia is here." he never got an answer, it was just an announcement, so Grimmjow knew.

"We're just about to eat, join us?" He offered to the soul reaper.

"Sure."

Orihime was in the kitchen, she and Ichigo had cooked up a more basic meal of vegetables and chicken strips. Rukia was surprised when he set four plate out, she hadn't been here to see Grimmjow for quite some time and last she'd seen Ichigo was force feeding him protein shakes.

"I'll got get him."

Ichigo got him from his room and they all sat. Orihime chatted about class, Ichigo complained about homework and exams coming up, Grimmjow sat in silence and ate away at his food. Rukia didn't know what to say. She didn't exactly want to talk about Soul Society in front of Grimmjow and wasn't sure what might upset him.

"Do you have much time off?" Ichigo asked her.

"No, just tonight. I just wanted to see how everyone was."

"How's Renji?"

"Fine I guess, but he has his hands full with training. He's a good leader in many ways but in others...he and my brother balanced each other well."

Rukia rarely spoke of Byakuya since his death at the hands of As Nodt. She and Renji had gotten their vengeance, but it would never be enough.

"They did." Ichigo agreed.

"How are you, Orihime? Have you seen any improvement lately?"

"Some." she spoke softly, betraying her disappointment in her progress.

"It will come." Rukia assured her.

They finished dinner. Grimmjow returned his room. Orihime said good night, and Ichigo and Rukia went to his room to ensure they wouldn't be overheard as he updated the lieutenant on Grimmjow's progress.

"I've heard him say Pantera a few times lately. Last night he had a nightmare and it's what he woke up screaming. Do you know anything about it?"

"No. Have you read those files in their entirety?"

"No."

"Well there you go." She opened the drawer in his desk where she knew he kept them. "Get at it."

"It's just so hard."

"Yes, but if you want to help-"

"I know."

"Good. Then I'll leave you to it."

"Rukia you just got here."

"It's a busy time in Soul Society."

"Why? What's going on?"

"Nothing for you to worry about. I'll see you later."

"Okay, bye."

He checked that Grimmjow was still in his room before spreading out the documents the kitchen table and beginning to read. It had been over a month since he'd touched them. He skimmed through looking for mention of Pantera.

There. Day 315 was the first mention of it, when Kurotsuchi was deciding on his next experiment.

_Head Captain has given me the sword. He himself tried to decipher just how the prisoner managed to carve that incantation into his zanpakuto. I have asked him repeatedly but get no answers. The Head Captain has finally released Pantera to me to study. I feel like this could open up a whole knew avenue of torture. We shall start tonight._

_ 316. Prisoner responded strongly to seeing his zanpakuto. Got more reaction out of him than I have seen for some time so carried on through the night. He seems to realize I have found a better way to get to him. This has deepened the depression he's been in. Extreme pain caused by experiments on sword, especially where he carved the incantation. I informed prisoner of some of the other experiments I am planning. _

_ Prisoner stopped eating._

_ 317. Conducted nineteen tests, details in system. Very interesting results. Prisoner distraught. It appears there is an intense sympathetic bond between the pair. However he marked his soul, it seemed to have bound him to it even more. Have began spiritual tests on the blade. Prisoner appears to be suffering from it. Still not eating, concerned his body will give out and I will have to take him to the Fourth._

_ 318. Prisoner lost consciousness this morning but still refuses food. Force fed prisoner. After we left, he induced vomiting. Will have to give him intravenous if this continues._

_ 319. Prisoner seems intent on starving himself to death. He will be moved to where he can be given intravenous tomorrow. Today, I told him I will not accept such behaviour and he must be punished. Used Pantera to cut him around his hollow space along with other punishment methods. Prisoner reacted as I desired._

_ 320. Prisoner escaped while being moved. I wonder if this was his plan all along but I doubt he was capable of figuring it out. Have recovered him, administered antidote but damage was done. I fear he will now be taken from me, will spare no time in concluding active experiments._

Ichigo read it all. The horrors he put Grimmjow through ever second he had him in that week. Deaf and almost entirely blind, Grimmjow never had any warning as to what was about to happen to him. But everything happened to him. He cried, screamed, vomited, passed out but was forcibly roused each time.

And then Ichigo read what happened to Pantera.

He spent three days destroying Grimmjow's soul. He broke it into twelve pieces while Grimmjow finally did what Kurotsuchi had wanted all along: he begged him. He begged him to stop while he shattered his blade. He let Grimmjow feel the broken pieces. And then he destroyed those as well, each in their own way. He melted the first- burnt Grimmjow's hand as a way to tell him what he was going to do, then threw a shard into the flames equal to the heat of Hell.

He scalded Grimmjow with acid to let him know how he would destroy the next piece.

It went on and on, the torturous ways in which he destroyed Grimmjow's zanpakuto. And reduced him to his silent state.

Ichigo felt sick.

He jumped when his phone buzzed on the wood surface and quickly picked it up to stop it from ringing.

"Hello."

"Ah, Ichigo..."

"Orihime, what is it?" He could instantly tell something was wrong.

"Oh nothing serious really," this was never a good sign. "I was just being careless and stepped out in front of a biker."

"Oh no, Orihime, are you okay?"

"I'm fine. He took me to the hospital, but I...broke my ankle. I was hoping you could pick me up."  
"Of course. I'll be right there."

He grabbed his coat, leaned into Grimmjow's room and explained where he was going and rushed out of the apartment.

He left the reports on the table.

* * *

**24 months ago**

"Kurosaki."

The teen jumped at the voice that was suddenly behind him. He'd been on watch, the others asleep behind him. Uryu, Chad and Orihime, their numbers had dwindled as the other Soul Reapers had left to investigate different leads. So many conflicting reports had come in and confused them, spreading their resources thin.

But now he turned to see the espada who had been gone for five weeks without a trace. Pantera dropped to the sands.

"I think...I need some help..." Ichigo caught him before he hit the ground. A moan of pain escaped him, then he choked on blood and passed out.

"ORIHIME!"

They had all be shocked by the extensive damage that became clear under the light of Orihime's glow. Chad stoked the fire and they beheld his torn body. There were layers of injuries, one hand and arm was destroyed, every bone looked broken. Gashes tore up his face, there were spiritual burns all over his body, and three punctures that were clearly from quincy arrows.

He came too long after Orihime had finished. Even when she'd undone the damage he still just needed to rest. When he did wake, he lurched up from the ground grabbed for his sword.

"Grimmjow." Ichigo came to his side, "You're safe."  
He looked around him. They were under a large tent Urahara had left with them as some shield against the chill desert air, the fire kept them warm.

"You healed me." he looked to Orihime.

"You asked for our help." Ichigo prompted him, "do you remember?"

"No. How long?"

"Less than twenty four hours. You arrived outside, you were in pretty bad shape. What happened?"

"I found him."

This brought stunned silence.

"You what?"

"He's ready to strike again, on Soul Society."

"How do you know all this?"

"I was captured a while back. I tracked down their base about a week after I saw you last. Watched them, got some information, then got careless."

"They've had you for a month?"

"No, I escaped shortly after, got a uniform, blended in."

"So you've been pretending to be one of them?"

"For a while." He rose, shaking out the stiffness in his muscle, glancing out the entrance of the tent.

"Were you followed?"

"Probably not." But he seemed on edge.

"Grimmjow, what happened?"

"Nothing. All you need to know I got information."

"That's not true." Uryu spoke up. "We also need to know what information they got out of you."

Grimmjow's eyes narrowed, Orihime glanced at him in alarm.

"What does that mean?"

Uryu answered her, "All those wounds weren't just from a fight. They tortured him for information."

Shock over took the other two. Grimmjow attempted to maintain his confident demeanour but a twitch ran through his features and he diverted his eyes to the ground.

"It's true?" Ichigo asked.

"They got shit from me, but I over heard tons."

"Grimmjow, are you okay?"

He let out a monosyllabic chuckle. "Kid, like I keep telling you, you ain't a soldier, I am. I can hack it."

"So you fought your way out?"

"No, I fought my way in." He brought his gaze back to them. "Once I knew where he was, I made my move."

"And?"

"And one minute I'm fighting the King of the Vandenreich, next thing I'm waking it up in your little shaggin' shack."

Orihime blushed deeply, the boys ignored the comment in order to get the information they wanted.

"So where is he?"

Grimmjow met Ichigo's gaze.

"Come on Grimmjow, you obviously can't take him out by yourself, and you came here last night for a reason. You know you can trust me."

"Maybe. But you're still just a kid."

"The kid who took down Aizen."

"Not alone you didn't." Grimmjow's jaw clenched, and he looked like he might choke on his next words but he managed to get them out through half bared teeth. "You should probably call your friends."

Ichigo knew the battle must have been pretty rough if Grimmjow had finally admitted to needing the help of the Soul Reapers. But four weeks in their company must have taught him he couldn't do this alone.

"Okay." Ichigo pulled out his soul pager to make the call. The others started packing up camp. Grimmjow took a purchase on the rim of a sand dune and watched the night sky. Ichigo found him when they were ready, but crouch down next to him and looked at him sideways.

"Grimmjow, you seem shaken. What did they do to you?"

"Doesn't matter."

"Well, if you need to talk-"

"Listen kid," he stood up, "the day I need to cry on your shoulder, is the day I _really _need help."

* * *

**Present**

Ichigo pushed the door open while keeping an arm around Orihime. Crutches banged into the wall and he swore when he dropped them. He let them go so he could just pick Orihime up, it was the easiest thing and he moved to put her on the couch but froze when he saw Grimmjow.

"Oh shit."

He was at the table, there was a glass of water that looked like it had been dropped suddenly. Ichigo imagined the scenario: Grimmjow coming out to get a drink, turning, seeing the papers, maybe catching sight of his name, or recognizing the format of Kurotsuchi's notes. And then reading. Seeing those cold calculated word about what he'd done to him, never calling him by his name, always _the prisoner_ or _the subject._ The bound pages looked bent, some torn, Ichigo had been gone for two hours, he could have relived much in that time.

But there he sat, hands knotted in his hair, just staring at the table, the book pushed to the side.

"Grimmjow."

A tremor ran through him. Ichigo moved quickly to the couch to deposit Orihime, terrified of the fallout of this. She too, looked horrified and didn't say a word as she was set down.

"Grimmjow talk to me."

"What do you want me to say?" He growled out dangerously.

"Girmmjow, I only had those because I thought it would help to understand what your were going through."

"Did it?"

"I'll never understand."

"He broke my soul, Ichigo."

"I know."

"And he...the things he did to me, and then-" his voice failed him but not for sorrow, despair, but anger. "The way he writes about me.."

"He's a horrible person."

"He's the devil." Grimmjow rose, his chair smacking back against the kitchen counter. Only now did Ichigo see the streak of tears he couldn't hear in his voice. But this was all different, this was hostile, rage-driven emotion. "And he treated me like he wrote about me. He took my strength from me. He took my body from me. He took my dignity, my pride, my control, my mind. But it was never enough! Never! So he took my soul!" he smashed a hand backward into the dish rack. Plates smashed, glasses shattered.

"GRIMMJOW!" Ichigo move to control him but the other held out a hand to stop him, pushing himself flat to the fridge as if in fear of Ichigo.

"Don't touch me!"

"Grimmjow please."

"He's a _soul reaper._ He's one of you. A CAPTAIN!"

"Grimmjow it's me."

"I know..."

"Then you know I'm going to help you, get you through this."

"Get me through _this." _He swiped the book off the table, the pages thick between his bleeding fingers. He and Ichigo circled the table as if they were about to battle one another. Ichigo just wanted to reach him, afraid of what he might do. But he shook that manual at Ichigo. "You think you can help me get over _this." _ He slammed it back down on the table and came to a stop by the sink again. Ichigo kept moving.

"Don't, Ichigo. Don't come near me."

"Why? What's changed?"

"What's changed?" He smiled in a way that scared Ichigo worse than any tears. "What's changed is that I can see it all, now. There were things that I couldn't quite remember...things I think my mind just sort of, hid away because I couldn't cope, but now..." He took a long breath, and some of that rage faltered as horrors unseen played out before his waking eyes... "I can see like it's happening...I can feel it all..."

"Grimmjow."

"And he couldn't even use my name."

He put his hands back to grip the sink like he might fall over. But that wash of despair became eclipsed by anger again as his knuckle turned white. "HE DIDN'T EVEN USE MY NAME!"

His foot flew into the table, it skidded back over the tile. Ichigo hollered when the chair slammed into his knee from another strike. Every shred of pent up anger was coming out of Grimmjow. He put his fist through a vase, threw the coffee pot on the floor, and then fell with his back to the fridge again, hands clutching his head. Blood dripped down between his fingers, he'd cut his bare feet on broken dishes, but he seemed oblivious to any outward injuries.

"Grimmjow." Ichigo reached out a hand.

"I said don't touch me."

"You're bleeding."

"Did you read it, all of it?"

"No, just parts. Let me help you."

"You can't. Nobody can."

"Don't say that."

"Don't you get it?" Enraged eyes met him. "I gave up! I tried, I tried for so long not to give him what he wanted. I tried not to scream, I tried not to beg, I tried to keep cursing him, I tried to kill myself. He mutilated me, humiliated me, made me feel like I was an animal! And then tore my soul apart and tortured it for what felt like an eternity! HE WON!"

Ichigo moved to take hold of him, afraid he would hurt himself worse. Grimmjow fought his touch. He screamed to be let go, but hysteria was taking over, and the most violent of sobs shook him, he continued to scream into Ichigo's chest, raw emotion ripping out of him. They sank to the floor as Grimmjow became overwhelmed. Ichigo knelt, ever holding him, the white tile stained red around them. Orihime watched on, her mouth covered by her hands. And it didn't stop. The damn that had been broken refused to let up until his exhausted body could take no more and he went limp in Ichigo's arms.

Ichigo looked up to her and held her gaze for one second before bursting into tears himself.

* * *

**_Not a very holidy-happy chapter, lol, but I thought I should get one out while I could because I really don't know when I will be able to update again due to Christmas plans. So I will continue after the holidays, but for now, Happy Holidays/Merry Christmas to you all! And So pumped to have hit 100 reviews already, so if you get a chance I would love to hear your thoughts. _**

**_Thanks so much,_**

**_Riza._**


	12. Chapter 12

"Are you alright?" Ichigo knelt before Orihime on the couch. He had deposited Grimmjow on his bed and spent considerable time pulling glass out of his feet and hands and bandaging them up. He expected he needed stitches but he wasn't that skilled and now he just needed to check on his girlfriend.

"I'm fine."

She took his shaking hands. "You're not."

"It's my fault, for leaving those papers out."

"Then it's my fault for calling you."

"It's not."

"And this isn't your fault. You have to let that go and we need to focus on what happens next."

"But what _does_ happen next?"

"I don't know. But what just happened? That was nothing I've seen before. Have you?"

"No." He admitted. "You don't think this is going to blow over, do you?"

"I'm sorry Ichigo. But he said he remembered things he had forgotten. He nailed it on the head, when he said he thought his mind had protected itself by forgetting. It's a defence mechanism, isn't that what you're learning about in psych?"

"This is way past what I'm learning."

"Still, it makes sense. His mind protected itself by not remember everything, but now he does. That defence is gone. He won't be the same."

Ichigo nodded. She cupped his face in her hands. "You've done so much for him. I'm proud of you."

She leaned in and gave him a kiss. He wrapped his arms around her. "It's you I should be taking care of now."

"I'll be fine. Just, let's sit together for awhile." He moved up onto the couch and she leaned into her. They took advantage of this peace, knowing the storm that was coming.

* * *

**Two Years Ago**

Ten days it had taken to take Juha Bach down.

Ten days of fighting him and his last reserve of Stern Ritter who'd somehow seemed stronger than any of their predecessors. But armed with the techniques they'd taken from Grimmjow and the information he had given Ichigo, the Soul Reapers had managed to take him down.

Grimmjow had stabbed the King with his engraved sword, but been thrown aside in a flurry of black energy. So it had been Ichigo to deliver the finishing blow. Bach crippled Orihime, shattering her protective shield and both her arms in the force of impact. Seeing her fall, seeing Bach go for the kill, Ichigo had moved faster than any captain could track. He didn't transform into the hollow beast, but he had the beast's power, his ferocity, as he reached a new height of Bankai- a power that had shaken the very sands of Hueco Mundo, and torn so deep into Juha Bach there was no coming back.

And that was how the war had ended, after all that struggle, it had taken but one swing.

Falling to earth, exhausted, Ichigo had pulled Orihime into his arms. And across the sands, he saw Grimmjow stand, saw the Soul Reapers look to him now as their prey but he disappeared, he got away.

And Ichigo didn't bother to ever worry about the day he might be caught.

* * *

**Present.**

Grimmjow lay in his room, but his bed was a mess, his body twitching in a nightmare- in yet another resurfaced memory:

_Do you know how long you've been in here?_

_Grimmjow dragged his head up, the rippling heat had long ago absorbed all moisture from his mouth. His body couldn't' even sweat anymore, he was latterly going to die of heat. And there, the rippling image of his monochrome master stared down on him. The heaters that lined the walls of this chamber glowed red at his back, lighting his devil's grin with an orange glow. He lurched forward in his chains, wishing nothing more than to shove him back into the burning rods but instead the metal singed into his skin and his legs failed him. Kurotsuchi eased his descent._

_"__Seven days." He hissed in his ear, those nails biting into his bare back until they found his hair and drug his head back. He knew what was coming, but hands stronger than him forced the bottle between his lips an the water filled his throat._

_He choked, he spit it back, he did everything he could to not to let it rehydrate him, but Kurotsuchi never let up, not until enough was in him to keep this going for another day at least._

_"__What's the worst part?" The scientist asked when he was sure he hadn't actually drowned his victim._

_"__Go. To. Hell."_

_"__Well, seems you can handle a few more degrees then." Grimmjow watched him leave. The door clanked shut on his own personal hell._

* * *

"Grimmjow, please don't make me do this again." Ichigo stood at the doorway, not daring to get any closer to the man who pressed himself flat against the wall where he sat int he corner on the opposite side of the room. He had a bottle of water in his hands, it had been two days and Grimmjow was worse than he'd seen him. He sat in his protective stance most of the time, but other times he got so caught up in memories he would wince and cry out as if he actually was back in that moment. Ichigo hadn't made him eat or drink, but it was well past forty eight hours now and he couldn't let him go much longer. Dehydration wouldn't help him stave off the hallucinations.

"It's me." Ichigo urged him, lowered himself into a squat so he was eye level with him. "You need to keep up your strength."

Exhausted eyes looked at him. "So I don't pass out. So I'm ready for the next round."

"No, Grimmjow, it's _me_ Ichigo. I'm not going to hurt you."

He squinted at him, trying to assess the threat level.

"You haven't moved from there for over two days. You must have to go the bathroom, be hungry. Why don't you come over here?"

"Why don't _you_ come over _here?"_

"I don't want you to try and attack me again."

"Good."

"Please, Grimmjow. Come have some water."

"No."

"Fine." Ichigo rose and Grimmjow stood immediately, holding his hands up reactively. Ichigo sighed. "I'll come back."

Grimmjow stood there, watching his every motion, but Ichigo just set the bottle on the ground in the hope Grimmjow might drink it and left.

"Did you do it?"

"No." Ichigo sat next to Orihime on the couch where she read through exam review sheets. "I couldn't bring myself to."

"Just wait until the morning. Maybe he'll drink it himself. You need to study. Your first exam is in two days."

"It is?" he looked to the calendar. "Shit." He rubbed a hand over his eyes. "I think I'm going to withdraw from next semester."

"What?"

"Well, I don't see how I can manage like this. I mean, Rukia somehow has a way to pay for this apartment, so I don't have to worry about a job, so I can just devote everything to helping him."

"You're giving up your own life."

"Well, it's the least I can do."

"What happened to him was not your fault."

"I didn't try very hard, after everything that happened in that desert. When I'd heard he was captured-"

"When you heard he was captured you were busy consoling me, Ichigo."

He quieted. In the aftermath, Orhime had been left severely weakened, her powers all but gone, and even after Unohana's healing she had struggled to get back her fine motor skills. Bach had broken every bone from fingers to elbows in both her arms and that pain still haunted her. Even now she would pick something up and feel a shiver run through renewed bone.

"Well, I still think I owe him this."

"It's up to you, but please at least wait until after exams. Wait and see how he is."

"Alright."

* * *

Ichigo let it go another day and then he no longer had a choice. His break between his exam studying was to wrestle Grimmjow into a position where he could force water into his mouth. The other had gotten stronger, it was much more difficult now. He sat one exam with a nose that was still bleeding and shocked Orihime a few days later when he reemerged from the room with a bite mark on his arm.

"He's gone, Orihime." He said with a broken heart. "He's just not there anymore."

"He's traumatized." "How do I snap him back."

"I don't think it works that way."

"What did you do to me?" They both turned sharply at the raspy voice in the doorway. Grimmjow stood at the threshold, holding it to keep his food deprived body up.

"What, Grimmjow what's wrong?" "Where is my mask, my hollow hole? What the Hell did you do to me?"

"You're in a gigai, remember, so you can eat and live in this world."

"What are you talking about?" Ichigo knew time had unravelled for Grimmjow, nothing was linear, he wasn't even sure who Grimmjow thought he was, he never seemed to call him by his name anymore.

"Here," Ichigo went to a drawer and pulled out a glove. "I'll take you out. I'm allowed, maybe it will help."

He approached but Grimmjwo took a step back.

"It's what you want, isn't it?"

He stopped moving but was visibly struggling not to run. Ichigo put his hand up to his forehead and his gigai fell free. Disorientation washed over Grimmjow and he clutched the door frame.

He stood there for a long time trying to keep things from spinning. Then he looked down and lifted his shirt, seeing his hollow hole, and touched his face, feeling the notched bone mask. He flinched as his fingers ran over it, memories of Kurotsuchi's experiments on bone swam before him.

"Is that better?"

"Where am I?" Grimmjow asked him.

"You don't remember?"

He shut his eyes. "The heat chamber...how long was I in there?"

Ichigo grabbed his hand, raising up the bandaged limb before Grimmjow.

"That's over now. It's been more than a year. Remember, you're safe here. You remembered some things and go upset. You cut yourself, do you remember that?" He let out a long breath, trying to piece memories together.

"I have no idea when that happened."

"Just a few days ago."

"But you say the heat chamber was more than a year?"

"Yes."

"It feels like this morning."

"Oh Grimmjow..."

"It all does. It's all so clear. But it can't have all just happened. I know that doesn't make sense but..."

"Here, sit down." he was swaying. Ichigo eased him onto the bed. "Are you with me Grimmjow? Do you remember me?"

"I don't know...are we in the world of the living?"

"Yes."

"Did you take me away from him?"

"Yes."

"I see him."

"What?" "All the time. In this room. In the kitchen. Standing behind you."

"You see Kurotsuchi?"

"Yes." came the desperate whisper.

"You know he's not real."

"He's as real as you."

"Is that why you've been fighting me, you didn't think I was real?"

"None of it seems real, just those memories."

"I was afraid you'd never come back."

"I don't know that I have." he looked at him. "Because he's standing right behind you now."

* * *

Ichigo was shaken. He had Grimmjow on the couch, where he sat stiffly, watching the unseen figure int he room. But it made sense now, the way he had been behaving, his mind caught between times, he'd lost his chronology and on top of it saw his torturer moving around the apartment all day.

"A manifestation of the subconscious." his advanced psych text told him. "It's like schizophrenia or something." "I don't know what that is." Grimmjow said.

"Sorry, nothing, I'm just trying to figure this out."

Grimmjow took a rattling breath and pulled at his shirt collar. He looked quite the state: he hadn't bathed in days, and was still in the same clothes he'd been in the night he smashed up his hands and feet so there was blood on them. It hurt him to walk or put pressure on his soles so he sat awkwardly and his hair was a mess of greasy knots.

"Are you hot?" Ichigo asked him, seeing him pull repeatedly at his collar. He just swallowed and looked around, Ichigo was losing him again to terrible memories.

_"__Well I am impressed." Kurotsuchi unhinged his shackles from the lock in the floor. Grimmjow collapsed forward into his arms. "That's why I came personally to collect you." he pulled him up, but nothing in Grimmjow was working any more and he ended up being half drug from the chamber that would have killed anyone below captain level long ago._

_"__Eleven days." Grimmjow gasped at the rush of frigid air that struck him when they left the heat chamber. Kurotsuchi released him into the arms of subordinates who carried him after the captain to an exam room. They put him on a table, bright lights illuminating his reddened skin._

_"__Another few degrees and you'd be charcoal." Kurotsuchi was poking, prodding, getting his samples, finishing his test. "Remarkable." Something went into Grimmjow's arm. This cold was even more intense, he rolled his head to the side to see the fluids draining into his veins. He was shaking violently now, he felt bile rising up inside of him. _

_"__Yes, returning to normal body temperature will be quite unpleasant." A white hand pushed his head to the side so he wouldn't get hit by the vomit. "Tell me, espada, what's the worst part?"_

"Grimmjow." Grimmjow lurched and Ichigo backed up just enough to miss the spew.

"I can't breathe." "Shit." Grimmjow seemed to be returning from the land of memories in full on panic attack but unlike other time he stumbled to the window, trying to open it.

"Here." Ichigo pulled it up and Grimmjow took gasping breaths of the freezing winter air. "What's happening?"

Grimmjow clutched the sill, like the world was moving around him, his eyes were unfocussed, his face deathly pale.

And then Ichigo got his miracle. He put his hand up to Grimmjow's head and felt the burn of the skin beneath.

"You're sick." He half laughed while Grimmjow continued to shake and breath heavily. "You're sick, Grimmjow! You haven't lost your mind, you have the flu or something." Fever. Hallucination. V omitting. It all made sense. If he was right, then Grimmjow might not be as far gone as he feared.

"I'm calling Unohana. You're going to be okay, Grimmjow."

* * *

Grimmjow was far from okay. Yes, Ichigo had been correct. He was in fact very sick with flu-like symptoms. Unohana guessed that the injuries he'd sustained in his break down were the likely culprits- taking just enough from his already weakened immune system to leave him vulnerable and then he'd picked up a bug from germs Ichigo or Orihime had carried home from university.

On the heels of those horrible memories returning, Grimmjow and everyone else had thought he'd finally made his break from reality for good.

Unohana could not take leave. She gave instructions to Ichigo over the phone. Orihime watched Grimmjow for Ichigo while he wrote his last exam and then he was free to be at Grimmjow's side for as long as it took. And that was good, because Grimmjow got much worse before he got better.

Delirium swept Grimmjow into horrible memories. He kept saying something about the heat chamber, which Ichigo guessed was such a strong memory due to his fever.

But then he snapped out of it. Just like Ichigo had wished to Orihime, Grimmjow came back.

He was still very shaken by the return of many memories. He had lost three or four pounds, which was a significant step backwards. But, for the most part, he was back.

His declaration about giving up seemed forgotten now, after surviving the latest challenge. Grimmjow was slow to regain his appetite, but he took in fluids without being forced. The whole ordeal, had quieted him, not that he had been very talkative before.

One area of progress, however came from Rukia. She arrived with a basket full of foods she'd gotten from Urahara. The last few times she'd come to visit, Grimmjow had been out of his gigai. He was equally powerless in either form, so it was not against the rules, but he inevitably needed back in his gigai to eat food of this world. Rukia, however, brought him spiritual foods.

"I thought this might help him gain up faster. He really needs spiritual food to regain his strength properly."

"Thank you, Rukia." Ichigo had seen hope at this, and within a week of eating these foods, Grimmjow did too. It was amazing how quickly he managed to put on pounds when he'd struggled for all these weeks just to gain the ten or fifteen that he had.

"Does he look more like you?" Ichigo asked when he found Grimmjow looking in the mirror.

"Sort of." He looked up at Ichigo. "What do you think?"

"I think I'm starting to catch up to you." Ichigo sighed. "I turn twenty one soon. How old are you, Grimmjow?" "I don't know, it works different with hollows." They moved back out to sit on the couch.

"Yeah I guess, but you don't look very old. I mean, you did when I was fifteen but now...man, I'm going to be older than you soon." "Only in looks."

"Still, it will be weird."

"If I live that long."

Ichigo was taken aback. "Why would you say something like that?"

Grimmjow ran a hand over his chest and stomach and sat back further on the couch, drawing up his legs but more out of habit now, than a need to huddle in a protective ball.

"I'm damaged Ichigo. I can feel it."

"What do you mean?"

"Everything he did to me, a person can't heal from all of that. Things hurt, inside, and I know they shouldn't."

"Why haven't you said anything?"

"There's nothing to be done about it."

"I can call Unohana."

"Don't. Don't worry about it. I'm alright now, I just don't think my life expectancy is the same as it was before all this."

Ichigo didn't know what to say. It made sense though.

"Besides." Grimmjow continued. "Do you really want to grow old with me living in your spare room? It would be better for you if I did kick the bucket." "Don't say that."

He just shrugged and shut his eyes.

"Do you want to sleep, before your exercises?" He got no response. Grimmjow was already out, just as he was, sitting there. He wasn't sleeping much again, nightmares plagued him worse than ever.

Orihime brought takeout. Grimmjow tried Chinese food for the first time. It was pretty relaxed. In fact, things went well for a while. Grimmjow's weight levelled off at 145, some thirty pounds lighter than his days as a warrior but he was much healthier. His features were still thin, but the face in the mirror was closer than ever to what it used to be. Ichigo wasn't sure he'd ever manage to gain back the muscle mass- as a warrior he'd been honed into perfect shape, it would take alot of eating and training to regain that. He was muscular by nature, however, and as he worked through his daily routine of exercises, they began to take their shape back.

Ichigo went to school after the break. Grimmjow's improvements had convinced him to give it another try, though his marks had suffered. But his heart was lighter. Panic attacks still struck from time to time, but so much of that all-consuming depression had lifted not just from Grimmjow, but the whole atmosphere of the apartment.

And Grimmjow opened up to him. Not all at once, not very often. But sometimes he would wake from a nightmare, or just got lost in a waking memory, and he would explain a tendency to Ichigo, a twitch, a reaction. He would just blurt it out, like if he didn't, he'd lose the nerve, and then he would look at Ichigo, and know the other could understand him a little bit more.

Grimmjow felt he owed him that much; for putting up with his odd behaviours, his routines. He said as much to Ichigo after one session. It was strange, how in many ways he still operated on principles of honour born of his warrior side.

But he did learn much. Ichigo had long since gotten rid of the home phone in the apartment, but accidentally left his cell phone ringer on one day. It had gone off while Grimmjow was eating and he'd thrown up immediately, just like the first time he'd heard the phone. He barely avoided a panic attack and that was when he explained some of the conditions Kurotsuchi had instilled in him.

"He would play a sound that's very similar to the phone ring, and force me to eat this pill. It would make me vomit. He did this every time until eventually he could just play the sound and I'd just throw up." He had explained. "He said eventually he would control my entire body with sounds. He called it, his symphony. He used to play this sound, the first time I heard it I thought it was surprisingly nice. Now it makes my teeth hurt because he'd make me bite down on hot iron every time he played it."

Ichigo made a noise, not always able to stop his imagination from taking him to those awful places. Grimmjow had stopped then, because he remembered that all this had happened to him. He explained to Ichigo that sometimes it felt like it was someone else, and he could talk about it with no problem. It usually didn't last though.

Ichigo also got braver about asking what happened. He never finished reading the notes, not after that night. Grimmjow was standing in only his boxers so he could weigh himself more precisely on the scale. He'd caught Ichigo's eyes on his six tatoo, that no longer looked much like a six.

"He was convinced it had spiritual properties." Grimmjow explained. "It doesn't, I mean it reflects our power, but it doesn't have any itself. He never believed me." It looked like every tool in his possession had been used on that one patch of skin. Then Ichigo had seen the strange patterned burns around the outside of Grimmjow's hollow hole and the other had quieted significantly. There were five burn scars that looked like they extended from the inside of his hollow space about two inches into the flesh beyond.

"You don't have to tell me." Ichigo had said.

"I..." Grimmjow had been pulling his pants back but the memory seemed to slow his every action. He slowly buttoned his jeans and leaned against the wall. "I'm embarrassed." He admitted. "Even now, even then, I felt embarrassed."

Ichigo waited. Grimmjow shut his eyes. "I still don't know exactly what it was. It was round, but it had five...spikes or something in it. His hand closed over his hollow hole on his bare stomach. "Of all the things he used on me...well, I guess I can't say anything was the worst, but this was the first time I realized no matter how much I didn't want to be weak in front of him, I couldn't always control it. He put it inside of me, in my hollow hole. When the spikes went into me, I felt everything in me betray me. My muscles weren't working right. My spine felt like it was a steel rod, I couldn't even see properly. And then he told me he hadn't even turned it on."

He swallowed hard, and then he seemed to realize worse was coming and turned back into the bathroom. Ichigo stood and watched him spit into the sink but he managed not to throw up.

"I don't know, if it was spiritual or electric or what..." he gripped the sink, staring at porcelain. "...but that first time he used it, I fucking pissed myself."

Ichigo put a hand on his shoulder. He flinched.

"Sorry." they both said, Girmmjow turned as Ichigo pulled his hand back.

"It's not you." Grimmjow said apologetically. "It's him. His fingers. He was always putting a hand on me, and those nails of his would bite into me. I bet it was one of his conditions too. Because every time he put a hand on me it meant he was happy, it meant I would stay conscious long enough for him to continue, or that he had achieved what he wanted." he shuddered and turned back to the sink. "And then that year in the dark. Hands on me, every time they choked me with food. Hands on me whenever they were taking me back to him." He sighed, leaning his forehead against the mirror. "And some day they'll be on me again."

"What?"

"You deny it, but I know. I know the Soul Reapers will come for me again. It's not in your control Ichigo. You probably won't even know before they get here."

In a few days time, those words would come to haunt them both.

* * *

**_Love the reviews everyone!_**

**_So I was asked to at least address the YAOI question: here's where I stand, this was not intended to be YAOI and I am not very good at it, and I've already written almost all of this story (without YAOI) but I'm not saying I won't give it a shot, though it will require some re-writing, but again, not saying it won't happen, I guess I just need to think about it and maybe get some advice? Maybe if you read this you could just let me know where you stand on this story being YAOI or not. _**

**_Thanks again,_**

**_Riza_**


	13. Chapter 13

Grimmjow woke to arms already around him. He didn't remember screaming, Ichigo throwing the door open. He didn't remember tears escaping him but he found himself breathing in cotton and held sitting up in his bed when he woke.

"Ichigo?"

"Shit, Grimmjow are you okay?" "I think so." Ichigo was holding him by the shoulders. "What's happening? I don't remember you coming in."

"I think you were still asleep. You don't remember your dream?"

"No." but he swallowed, feeling the strain on his vocal chords. Ichigo passed him some water and then a tissue. He wiped his face, still a bit alarmed.

"I don't know what's worse," Grimmjow sighed, "having a bad dream or not even remembering what got me worked up."

"How do you feel now?"

"I'm okay." He noticed it was day light and Ichigo was fully dressed. "Do you have class?"

"Yeah."

"I'm fine. Go."

"If you're sure." He nodded. "Okay well remember today's my long day, I won't be home until seven." He didn't really need to remind him, Grimmjow had already memorized the new schedule. Ichigo left. The door shut. Grimmjow got up and changed, found his breakfast waiting for him. He sighed, still exhausted, and contemplated going back to sleep.

Then he heard the door open.

Ichigo would immediately announce his presence, if he had forgotten something or arrived at an unscheduled time. But the door opened with no call, no warning and clearly more than one person was entering.

"No." He got one glimpse of her before bolting. There was no where to go. None of the locks in the apartment worked for fear of Grimmjow locking himself in somewhere, but the bathroom was the closest room and there was nothing rational left in him when he pulled the door open and slammed it shut at his back. He tried to leverage himself against it, but they threw it open, he along with it and he fell forward onto the tub, the rail coming up hard under his ribs and into his forearm. A hand clamped around his ankle and dragged him back, smacking his head on the tile on the way.

"That's enough." She ordered when he was on his back on the kitchen tiles. He held his arm against his chest and struggled to breathe as he looked upon her.

"What do you want us to do with him, Captain Soifon?" Her eyes were cold, no hint of that remorse from back in the Twelfth. "Tie him to a chair."

* * *

He had passed out. Panic had consumed him to the point he'd taken in too much air and so he woke slumped forward, hands belted by leather straps to the rung on each side of the chair keeping them taught and straight at his sides while he ankles were tied flush against the chair legs. He let himself hang limp for a few moments, hoping to wake up from this nightmare like he had all the others.

"He's awake. Sit him up." Hands pulled him back so he was sitting straight. His chest was bare, they'd stripped him save his boxers.

"Soifon..." he managed.

She sat in a chair facing him and regarded him for several long seconds. "You and I came to an understanding once."

"Yeah, you said you felt bad and then you came back and ripped me apart."

"It wasn't a lie. I don't want to hurt you anymore. But I needed answers."

"TO WHAT?" he shouted. "What could you possibly have found to ask me that you didn't in all those sessions?"

"If Aizen knew Juha Bach."

"What?"

"It's a simple questions."

"I don't know. Why would he?"

"Because Juha Bach broke into Aizen's cell while he was in Soul Society. He said he made him an offer to join him and that Aizen refused. We thought nothing more of it. But what if that visit served another purpose?"

"What purpose? Why is this suddenly an issue?" "Because Aizen's reatsu spiked yesterday and it should not be able to do that. Unless Juha Bach did something, tampered with layers of intricate spiritual weavings. What if he somehow gave him a way out, a means of escape?"

"That took two years?"

"Maybe."

She sat back. "So I need to know anything Aizen told you about the quincies, the Vandenreich, Juha Bach."

"He didn't tell me anything."

"But you knew more than anyone. You had that engraving on your Zanpakuto."

"BECAUSE I FOUGHT THEM LONGEST! They were after me in that desert long before they ever fought you! Of course I knew things."

"No, those engravings-"

"It's Hollow knowledge. Old spells, mostly forgotten. It wasn't the first one I'd tried, but the only one that worked!"

"How did you get it on your soul?"

"How do you think? I burned it into my blade. It wasn't pleasant, but it worked."

"No."

"No?"

"Grimmjow, I was sent here for answers, and no one believes you survived against them on your own without knowing something about them first. I know Aizen told you about them. So now I need answers."

"You're going to take me back?"

"If you don't give me answers first. You have no idea, what I had to do to convince them to let me come."

"You wanted another shot at me?"

"No, Grimmjow. I wanted to spare you from Captain Kurotsuchi." The name dropped like a bomb. Grimmjow froze where he sat. "If I can't get the answers from you first, then I am ordered to take you back to him."

"But I don't know, Soifon! I swear I don't!"

"Then you want me to take you now?" "NO! Soifon please..."

"Then I'm sorry, Grimmjow." She held out her hand and a bag was presented to her. "But I'm going to have to try to get you to cooperate."

She pulled a round device with five points. Everything in Grimmjow turned cold.

"Last chance to cooperate. And remember," she glanced at the clock, "Ichigo doesn't come home until seven o'clock."

It was ten am.

* * *

"Ichigo, I thought you had class until after supper."

"Prof was sick, I get to go home early." He took Orihime's hand as they walked down the front steps of the science building. "And if I leave right now, I can catch the 4:00 bus. Join me?"

"I can't, I'm meeting Uryu to go over our Society budget."

"Sounds thrilling," he joked, "see you."

"Bye."

She waved him off, he boarded the bus wondering what to cook when he got home, not knowing what he'd find in his kitchen.

* * *

"I'm not lying..." Grimmjow panted when her hand returned to the device embedded in him.

"It doesn't matter. Unless I use enough force, I won't be able to convince the Head Captain of it, and I'll have to turn you over to Kurotsuchi."

"Stop.." She had rationalized her actions up until now, but none of it was any comfort to the man she tortured. "Soifon please..."

"I'm going to have to leave it going this time, until you give in."

"No, don't."

"I'm putting it on the third setting."

"Soifon don't!" the man behind him pulled his gag back in place just as she turned the dial. His whole body went rigid in the chair again. He screamed behind the cloth, his body was already drenched in sweat.

She stood up. "Get me in an hour." She told her men. The word struck Grimmjow, devastated him. He couldn't endure this for a few minutes let alone an hour. He screamed muffled pleas at her retreating back and then she moved out of his sight.

He had thrown up all his food long ago but he gagged on the pain and the sobs that wracked him. The way his wrists were restrained allowed his body to slump forward but every time it did more pressure would be put on those spike inside him so he was forever fighting to stay upright but it was nearly impossible. His entire hollow space was raw from the energy that had town at it all day. And every muscle in his body was spasming from exhaustion, forced into clenching every time the machine was turned on.

He was sobbing shamelessly at thirty minutes in. At thiry five minutes, the door opened.

Ichigo was home.

It was never clear to Grimmjow just what happened. The two soul reapers were down before he even registered Ichgio was in his soul form. But then Soifon struck him and held her hand over him, letting snake like chains wrap around him.

"STOP THIS!" He cried.

"I can't."

"You can't do this...not after everything...Grimmjow..." Ichigo pulled against the chains.

"You knew it might always come to this."

"To what? You torturing Grimmjow in the middle of my kitchen?" He pulled again.

"You can't escape."

"Really?" He glared up at him. "Did you ever hear how I got my powers? Did you see, how I took Juha Bach down?"

An enormous swell of power escaped him. Soifon's eyes widened as she watched the impossible strength of this boy.

The chains shattered. He rose.

"You better get out of my fucking apartment right now."

Soifon didn't leave immediately, but Ichigo did turn off the device. When he turned the dial back to zero, it shut itself off completely, the spikes retracting and it fell free. Ichigo held it for a second, before letting his spiritual pressure engulf it and it shattered in his hands.

Blood wept from Grimmjow's hollow space, the espada himself was at the height of breakdown, and Ichigo cut him lose and let him fall against. He held him tight, horrified by what had happened.

"I can't ever forgive you." Ichigo's voice was so dangerous as he looked to Soifon past Grimmjow's shoulder. "He was so afraid you'd come. I promised him-"

"You shouldn't have made promises you couldn't keep."

"I didn't think you were evil! I convinced myself you weren't bad but you are! You're a psychopath! You came into my home and did this! You tortured him again!"

"Ichigo, you don't understand-"

"You've destroyed everything I've tried to undo. Get out."

"If I leave without him, others will just come."

"GET OUT!"

"I will do my best, to convince the Head Captain he knows nothing."

Ichigo just watched her rouse her men and leave. Then he turned to the man in his arms.

He was used to tears of fear and panic. But the unmasked pain in blue eyes, the way Grimmjow couldn't even move his arms, was terrifying. He was crying for the pain, more than the horror. Nothing Ichigo did seemed to alleviate it. He stretched him out on the carpet to look him over.

"I don't know what to do." He said kneeling over him. He could see the way muscles kept spasaming, and the image of Grimmjow tied on that chair was seared into him, he knew the power of the machine must have run through his whole body, made muscles over work, leaving Grimmjow as he was now, violently shaking and unable to calm body or mind.

He wanted to call his friends, Urahara, someone who could help, but this could all get very messy very quickly and he didn't want to drag them down. He had to do this on his own.

"A muscle relaxant." He said to himself. "Something...alcohol." He raced to his bedroom and got the quart of vodka he kept locked in his desk drawer. He wasn't a big drinker though occasionally he liked to have a few, but he hadn't wanted to leave it within Grimmjow's reach. Now, however, he uncapped the bottle and got Grimmjow sitting.

"It's not going to taste good, but it should help you calm down." A pint of if splashed out, a little more than half getting into Grimmjow. He coughed harshly but within five minutes he was starting to calm, muscles relaxing. Still he was in great pain, and now the liquor on top of it made him mostly incoherent.

"I don't..." he kept saying to Ichigo who took his hand reassuringly.

"It's okay, they're gone."

"I swear, Ichigo," The tears were gone but the pain in his voice remained as his hazed eyes found Ichigo. "I don't know."

"I believe you."

"But they don't..."

"I won't let them take you, I swear."

Grimmjow just nodded, swallowing pain. Ichigo knelt next to him until he passed out.

* * *

Dawn found the pair fortified in the living room. Ichigo had drug out he mattress from Grimmjow's bed and gotten him settled on it. The espada lay on his side, pain still very much consuming him. Ichigo had bound up his arm that he's struck on the tub, but for the most part there was nothing he could do for a body full of sore muscles. And Ichigo sat before him, not daring to let sleep take him.

They would come. And he would fight.

There was no way to take Grimmjow from the apartment, so Ichigo had decided not to leave his side. The living room and kitchen had everything they needed, and he could see the door from here. He had called Orihime and told her not to come over. He'd reinforced this by asking Uryu to make sure she didn't come near them. He didn't want to take any of his friends down with him.

"Ichigo..."

He turned at the faint voice behind him. Grimmjow had been in and out since yesterday, but the all-consuming panic Ichigo had expected to strike him was oddly vacant. Perhaps the exhaustion and pain kept it at bay.

"Grimmjow?"

"What's going to happen?"

"I really don't know." he admitted.

Grimmjow shut his eyes, pain creasing his features. "Are they going to take me back?"

"I told you, I won't let them."

"But what will happen to you?"

"It doesn't matter."

The espada rolled over, groaning. Dark bruises marked his wrists, his face where he'd hit the bathroom floor. He stared at the ceiling. "It does."

Ichigo glanced at him. He seemed clear minded enough, despite what had happened to him, though the pain kept him docile. Ichigo wondered if whatever defensive mechanism had kept him alive in that cell, had kicked in now, and rather than descending into horrors unknown, he remained in the present with Ichigo.

"Ichigo, I don't want you to ruin your life for me."

"But if it's between that and..." Ichigo didn't say it. Grimmjow shut his eyes again. There was nothing to be said. As much as he didn't want to destroy Ichigo's future, he couldn't face that fate.

"It's settled then. Just rest."

* * *

Ichigo woke to strained breaths. He hadn't meant to fall asleep, but here he was jolting awake still sitting with his sword in hand.

"Grimmjow?" He turned to the man on the mattress behind him. Grimmjow had rolled with his back to him, clutching at his chest as he took in too much air.

Ichigo moved around to the other side of the mattress to look at him.

He didn't ask what brought it on. He knew. Waiting. Waiting for them to come back. He just sat with him, and continued to watch the door.

Grimmjow sat up when he recovered. He groaned in pain and disorientation as blood re-situated after he'd been horizontal for so long.

"Here." Ichigo helped him lean back against the bottom of the couch for support. Grimmjow just sat there breathing until his eyes landed on the bottle and he grabbed it. Ichigo said nothing as he swallowed back a good portion of the pint or so that was left. If it helped, so be it.

Grimmjow sighed when he finished, ignoring the burn in his gullet from pure vodka and raised one knee, resting his better arm against it, his forehead in hand.

"I'm tired."

"Then go back to sleep."

"No, Ichigo. I'm tired of being like this."

"I know."

"He would never have been like this."

"Who?" 'He' usually referred to Kurotsuchi but it was clear that was not who they were talking about now.

"He never would have cried, had panic attacks, pissed himself."

"Oh." Ichigo understood.

"He never would have standed for this hand holding crap!" Grimmjow was drunk.

"He also wouldn't have referred to himself in the third person."

"True."

"He's gone, Grimmjow. I know I promised you we'd get him back but, he _was_ kind of an asshole."

"So what, I'm better like this?"

"That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that one day you'll get better. But better doesn't have to mean you go back to being the same person you were before all of this. I mean, you changed alot after Aizen was captured. You changed for the better."

"I don't want to be _this." _His hand clenched in his hair. "I don't want to feel like _this_ anymore." Tears squeezed out, he was trying to hold them back, face set in a near grimace.

He never gave in to full sobs, but he sat frozen in the agony of being him.

* * *

_**Well, I wrote this a while ago and as I re-read it to edit it I realized just how dark this story gets- more horrors to come if you can bear them!**_

_**As for the YAOI thing, I am very thankful for your responses and have considered them all as well as my own feelings and I guess I have to agree with anyone who sees this more as comradery, because that's what I feel it is, and so I will not be going the YAOI route, although as you will see soon there are some darker sexual themes on their way... But as for what happens between our two heros, they will remain friends.**_

_**PS, if anyone ever wants to take this story for themselves and rework it to make it YAOI or just use it as inspiration, be my guest.**_

_**Thanks**_

_**Riza**_


	14. Chapter 14

"Ichigo." They were at the kitchen table. It had been three days of waiting, three days of strain on Grimmjow's mental state as every sound made him fear their arrival. But he'd recovered enough from the pain to sit up, eat something and now Ichigo had been teaching him how to play cards. But the espada froze in the middle of dealing, looking over the table.

"What?"

He never got an answer. The door flew open, and the swell of spiritual pressure struck Ichigo. He grabbed Zangetsu and pointed to the captain who entered.

"Stay the hell awa-" Ichigo grabbed at his neck when a small dart struck him and stumbled against the table. Grimmjow was still sitting there, horror bound to his chair as the captain and lieutenant of the Twelfth entered their home.

A chair tipped over as Ichigo vainly tried to say up, but he fell to his knees on the floor.

"What did you..."

"A paralytic." Kurotsuchi informed him. "Don't worry, you'll remain conscious." Ichigo's head hit the floor. "And just in case your spiritual pressured decides to get in the way," he nodded and Nemu clamped glowing shackles around his wrists, at his back. "Those should keep you under control. Now," he turned to Grimmjow, "how is the prisoner?"

Fight or flight.

_Fight_ would have been the answer two years ago. Always fight. Now however, an impossible mix of both responses welled up in him. He wanted to run as much as he wanted to spill blood.

But he sat frozen until the moment that hand touched his face.

Then he screamed. He swung. The quick deft strikes of the warrior were not forgotten, but they were dulled and slowed by pain and weakness. When Kurotsuchi caught both his wrists, Grimmjow leaned in to head butt him. The back of his head was caught before impact, however, and Nemu dragged him backwards. He fell against the tile but scrambled up again. Neither captain or lieutenant moved to grab at him, they watched him, amused.

When Grimmjow scrambled for a weapon and came up with the knife Ichigo had used to cut up vegetables, Kurotsuchi smiled.

"Good. So there is still something left inside of you." Grimmjow held the handle with the blade pointing down along his wrist, ready to slash when they got too close. He knew he couldn't win, there was no way, but he couldn't give up either.

He circled so that the table was between himself and the enemy. But wood turned to splinters with a swipe of Kurotsuchi's zanpakuto and Grimmjow stood unprotected save his knife. The captain stepped forward.

Grimmjow went for his jugular, was caught and turned around faster than he could process. Kurotsuchi held him around the waist and neck.

"I remember when you used to fight. It was always so entertaining."

Grimmjow was frantic to escape the hold, the breath, the bite of nails.

"Get off of me!"

"Ah, and you're talking again, excellent." He was released and toppled to the floor. But before he could rise this time Nemu's foot came down on his skull and pinned him there.

"Stop..." Came Ichigo's weak protest. His body was cold and useless, he couldn't move a muscle below the neck. "You can't..."

"But I can. I suppose you think you have too many friends in Soul Society now to let this happen?" His yellow smile turned to Ichigo now. "So did the Central 46."

"...what?"

"Soifon delivered her report. They told her they believed her. They told her to take no further action. The matter was settled. Or so she thought."

"..no."

"Yes. Aizen's reatsu spiked at the worst possible time. The Head Captain grows ill, no one knows why. And now this. The Central 46 wants answers, and they don't want any interference from the other captains. So they turned to me."

"I don't know anything!" Grimmjow screamed on the floor.

Kurotsuchi crouched before him. "Oh I believe you. But since when has that ever stopped me?" Grimmwow fought, but he couldn't breathe. Kurotuschi watched him. Nemu lifted her foot but Grimmjow didn't move. He was drowning on air, paralysed by chest pains. Kortsuchi smiled.

"I see some things haven't changed."

Some last reserve in Grimmjow tried to get away from him. He dragged himself up and leaned back against kitchen cupboards, watching captain and lieutenant with hazed eyes. They watched him right back.

"Like a wounded animal." Kurotsuchi noted. Grimmjow was out of his gigai, sweat plastered his body from the strain it had to endure.

They didn't let him pass out. When he was close to fainting, Kurotsuchi swooped on him and covered his mouth so he could only breathe through his nose and not take in so much oxygen. Grimmjow struggled against the touch but his strength had already failed him and he went mostly limp, head clunking back against the cupboards, hands laying at his sides.

"Better." Kurotsuchi took hold of the bottom of his shirt and pulled it up over his head, forcing limp arms through. Then he held his hand out to Nemu who placed familiar links in his hands.

"Old friends." The captain secured the shackles around his wrists. Then his hands moved to the button of Grimmjow's jeans.

"What...are you doing...?" Ichigo hissed.

"Dignity, does not help torture, Kurosaki." Grimmjow's hands came up to grab his arm and stop him but they were no hindrance and Kurotsuchi undid the zipper and pulled them down.

"Nakedness means vulnerability." He took hold of Grimmjow's boxers.

"don't.."

Grimmjow lurched forward to try and push Kurotsuchi back but with a quick motion he pinned Grimmjow's hands above his head with a beam of light through a link in his shackles.

"Shame, humiliation," He continued when he resumed and pulled his boxers down all the way. Grimmjow made a noise, he turned his head to the side so as not to have to see Kurotsuchi's smile but instead he was met with Ichigo's horror filled face. He shut his eyes. "they are the very first steps to breaking someone. Reducing their _humanity_ for lack of a better word. And this prisoner has always been very sensitive about the issue." Both hands rested on Grimmjow's upper thighs, that one long nail moved back and forth tauntingly. His stomach was pulling in and out rapidly. "You take away his control. His body no longer belongs to himself."

One hand slipped higher and Grimmjow lurched when those nails and fingers dug into the most sensitive of places. He couldn't help that his eyes flew wide and Kurotsuchi's other hand came up to grab his hollow mask, holding it so he had to face him straight on.

He saw the tears glistening below the surface.

"Is that all it takes now?" Kurostuschi mused. "A little embarrassment? Is it more upsetting, because Kurosaki is here to watch?"

Grimmjow refused to speak but the scientist grinned, reading those eyes. "You don't want him to see you like this, do you?"

"Stop." Ichigo tried to yell but it was more a strained gasp.

"No." He withdrew his hand and Grimmjow shuddered. He got little relief as the hand went instead to his hollow hole. Grimmjow tried to swallow back the holler but it half escaped him. Kurotsuchi explored the space, feeling where the spikes from the device had cut in. Grimmjow shook violently. Jaw set, he looked like he was going to burst from restraining himself.

"It's okay, I want to hear your screams. I missed them."

"F-fuck you."

Ichigo couldn't tell what Kurotsuchi did, but his hand jerked inside of Grimmjow and he screamed, pitching forward. Kurotsuchi pulled his hand back out and held Grimmjow up against him in a cruel embrace.

"Let's continue this back in the laboratory."

* * *

Hell had resumed.

Every inch of his body had been examined. Notes taken. Strung up on display with hands above his head and feet chained far apart on the ground to make him as open and vulnerable as possible. Hands all over him, sometimes to take a tissue sample, or blood, but others just because he knew how much Grimmjow hated the cold touch.

"What have you been eating? How fast did you gain weight? What exercises have you been doing? Does everything work? How often do you sleep? For how long? Do you dream?" None of the questions had anything to do with Aizen. It went on, without answer from Grimmjow who refused to speak.

He was let down when the examination was complete. He stood waiting, trying not to show fear though every part of him shook.

"I was not able to retest the sound conditions last time we were together. Let's start there."

He threw up. His teeth hurt. His eyes stung. His body twitched. He had a panic attack. Every last cue had still done it's job and when he was lying on the floor, struggling to breathe, the captain stood over him.

"You are mine. I control you. I own you."

* * *

"I killed Juha Bach. I saved Soul Society!" The young man's voice screeched in the council chambers of the Central 46.

"And that is why we allowed you to take charge of the prisoner in question. But he was still a prisoner, and we needed him again."

"I want to speak to the Head Captain."

"He's unwell."

"I don't care."

"No one is to know of your presence here."

Ichigo growled, yanking at the chains that held his arms at his back but more importantly, his power at bay.

"This is so wrong. He doesn't know anything."

This brought a weighty silence upon the room. Ichigo tried to read their darkened faces.

"What is it?" "All information the prisoner has ever given us has been to you, Ichigo Kurosaki."

"What are you saying? If I knew anything about Aizen, I would tell you."

"We know. We do not expect Grimmjow to give Kurotsuchi any information. He despises the man. But in the past he has willingly given information to friendly faces." Ichigo remembered Unohana's report. "In a few days time. Perhaps he will be willing to open up to you."

"No! You have to stop this NOW! Before Kurotsuchi does anything to him!"

"We will give it seven days."

"NO!" But his screams fell on deaf ears and soldiers carried him away.

* * *

"A work of art." Kurotsuchi circle the shaking man. "I must say I am rather exhausted Grimmjow. Seven days is a long time to continuously torture someone. How about you? Has the last shot of adrenaline worn off yet? Are you _tired_?"

He stopped before him, crouching. Grimmjow didn't even look at him. Indeed, the way he shook, it would have been hard to keep focused, but Kurotsuchi put a hand in grimy hair. Every inch of Grimmjow's skin was painted in sweat or blood or vomit or dirt from the dank cell. Bruises swelled his skin, discoloured what wasn't stained red.

"Are you ready for the climax?" Blue eyes registered the words, he was still in the present, but he never spoke.

"You've feared it, I think, the entire time. You knew there was one thing left for me to do to you that I hadn't already."

His other hand found his bare hip.

"Don't touch me."

"There it is. Did he do it to you? Is this how Aizen tamed the beast?"

"No." Grimmjow shook his head. It was hard to tell if it was in response to the question, or the hands that now forced his knees apart. Now so close to him, Kurotsuchi knelt between his legs, the captain held his face between both hands. "It's not nudity that bothers you is it? It's that you always feared it would lead to-"

"Don't touch me!"

"-rape."

The word silenced the espada. He sat there completely exposed and in the captain's grasp and just stared at him. Disbelief, maybe, that this was actually going to happen had consumed him. He was still for the first time in days, barely moving even to breathe.

"Don't think I didn't know your worst nightmare all along. Or second worst. But seeing as I already destroyed your zanpakuto, this is my only trump card left."

Still the figure in his grip just watched him, didn't move.

"Has the mere thought of it broken you?" And then he lunged. Chains looped around the back of Kurotsuchi's neck and dragged him forward and Grimmjow leaned in and clamped his teeth around his neck.

His mouth filled with blood before he was pulled away. His wrist lost their purchase on his neck when he was slammed back and his head hit the concrete hard. But that wasn't what he was worried about when hands grabbed his thighs.

"I'm glad you like it rough."

"NO!"

The protest echoed through the room. Grimmjow was let go. He lay shaking where he was, feeling the ghost of fresher air waft over him from the open cell.

"Kurosaki." Kurotsuchi greeted.

The young man stood in utter horror. The spiritual suppressors remained in place on his wrists but he was no longer chained up.

"Would you like a moment with the prisoner before I continue?" He straightened his sash meaningfully. Ichigo had seen enough to know what he'd interrupted. He also knew the Central 46 had timed this so that Ichigo would arrive at the pivotal moment that might cause Grimmjow to give him information. Others watched them on the cameras, the ploy was in place and Ichigo never knew if Kurotsuchi had intended for Ichigo to rescue Grimmjow, or console him after, but it seemed he'd gotten here before the deed was done.

This did nothing to relieve the absolute horror, the feeling of sickness in him.

"I will give you a moment." Kurotsuchi said when Ichigo remained silent. He was shoved the rest of the way into the cell and the door clanked shut.

"Grimmjow..." he dropped to his knees next to him. Tears fell, seeing his state. It seemed to take blue eyes a while to focus, to find him.

"Ichigo..." He broke. Ichigo held him. He drug him off the floor and just sat with his arms around him, his naked body convulsed against him. Chained hands wrapped into the uniform on his chest. It wasn't just sobs, it was anguish, utter horror, despair that wept from him. Ichigo pressed his face into his hair, arms wrapped around his waist and shoulders. He tried to give him some warmth, some coverage, some comfort but it was useless. Kurotsuchi had done his worst- or almost had and still might.

"Kill me, Ichigo."

The words destroyed him. He glanced at the cameras, knowing members of the Central 46 were watching. He had to convince them Grimmjow didn't know anything, it was the only way out of this. But if he couldn't, if this was to continue, then how could Ichigo leave here without fulfilling the espada's request?

"Please." fingers knotted tighter in his uniform. "Before he comes back."

"Grimmjow." Ichigo nearly choked on the next words but he had to say them, had to at least try to convince the watchers. "It will stop if you tell them what you know."

Hands dropped from him. Grimmjow pushed back enough to see Ichigo's face. "You said you believed me."

"Grimmjow-"

"I don't know anything!" He screamed. "You of all people- you know I wouldn't lie!"

Ichigo glanced to the cameras again. He wanted Grimmjow to see the motion, wanted the espada to understand what was really happening.

"Did you let them do this because you thought I was withholding the truth?" He asked.

"No, Grimmjow. I didn't let them do anything."

"A week, Ichigo." His voice was breaking but no more tears were left in him. "SEVEN DAYS!"

"I know!"

"And he was- he's going to-" Grimmjow rolled to the side and dry heaved but there was nothing left in him to throw up.

"Time's up." The voice at the door froze them both. Ichigo didn't rise.

"He doesn't know anything." Ichigo said more to the people listening in than to the merciless captain. "Please stop this."

"Unless you want to watch, I suggest you leave."

Kurotsuchi came to stand over Grimmjow. Ichigo rose.

"I won't let you do this. It's over now. He would have told me if he knew something." The captain's hand shot to Ichigo's throat, those nails penetrating the flesh and he leaned so close that those watching could never hear.

"He's mine. And this is the day that I break him. You won't stop me."

A knee found Ichigo's gut and he dropped. Without spiritual pressure, the blow struck him hard. A foot to the chest sent him crashing into the back wall and struggling to breathe.

Kurotsuchi turned back to Grimmjow and pulled something from inside his robes.

Grimmjow flinched when the fabric fell on him but looked down incredulously to see a pair of white shorts he recognized as ones Unohana kept on hand at the Fourth Division.

"I'm not going to rape you." Kurotuchi left him to cover himself up but turned back to Ichigo. "I already confirmed it was your fear. But there is no scientific purpose in carrying it out." He bent and grabbed Ichigo around the neck, dragging him up.

"What are you doing?" Grimmjow croaked.

"I destroyed Pantera in order to break you because he was the only thing you cared about other than yourself."

Ichigo choked on the hold and struggled back until he received a blow to his chin that sent his head slamming back into the wall and then Kurotsuchi threw him to the ground next to Grimmjow. "But I was wrong." Ichigo coughed blood at the next kick to his stomach and Kurotsuchi leaned in close to him. "Did the espada ever tell you how I caught him after the war?" The battered teen looked up at the mad captain. "I replicated a spike in your reatsu. He thought he felt you in trouble. But it was me who was waiting for him." Ichigo's eyes widened, he looked back in horror at Grimmjow.

"Is that true?"

He didn't answer, he was rigid, waiting for what was to come.

"Even before you rescued him he was connected to you. And now I think he would be quite distressed if anything happened to you."

Another foot to the stomach. He pulled out his zanpakuto.

"Don't." Grimmjow finally spoke. Kurotsuchi smiled but his eyes shifted ever so slightly to the cameras and Ichigo understood. They were still watching. This must have been their final test and for once Kurotsuchi had to play by their rules. His suspicions were confirmed with Kurotsuchi's next words.

"Tell me what you know about the relationship between Aizen and Juha Bach."

Grimmjow watched him for a long time. "I never heard of Juha Bach until he showed up in Hueco Mundo two and a half years ago. I swear."

There was silence. Then Kurotsuchi raised his blade over Ichigo. "I SWEAR!"

The blade stopped just short of cutting the human. The cell door clanked open and the shadowed faces of Central 46 members could be seen.

"Bring Kurosaki and the prisoner to the counsel chambers."

Kurostuchi's smile disappeared. "Yes."

* * *

The clink of rattle chains was all that was heard in the counsel chambers as the two men sat side by side, awaiting the decision. Ichigo didn't think Grimmjow had listened to a word they'd said- exhaustion had eclipsed his vision and now hazed eyes stared at his bare and bloody feet while his body trembled. Ichigo held his own stomach with one hand. He'd take a bad few blows, but he would have suffered much worse if it meanT proving Grimmjow's innocence.

And at the door, the monster waited. He had played his part just as the Counsel had instructed, but only so in the end, they might choose to return to him his prey.

"The decision has been made."

Ichigo rose. Grimmjow did not.

"Ichigo Kurosaki, you are free to go."

"And Grimmjow?"

"Is to remain in the Soul Society."

"No!"

"You have become too invested in him, to the point of betraying our laws."

"I am not a member of the Gotei 13."

"Precisely. Grimmjow should never have been permitted into your care."

"You can't do this."

"It is final."

"NO!" A ripple of shock went through his wrists and he dropped gasping into his chair. He looked to his right. Grimmjow was just watching him, he had already expected this fate. To him, Soul Reapers were merciless.

Kurotsuchi stepped forward to take his prisoner.

"NO!" Ichigo lurched. More power came from the shackles to subdue him but it was no good. His scream rippled out beyond the confines of the court. The flare of spiritual pressure was far beyond what these walls or the cuffs could contain. He didn't break free, but anyone close to the Central 46 would have felt that disturbance.

It only took a moment for the first captain to arrive. Two men were attempting to hold Ichigo down as he screamed and fought madly. Kurotsuchi had Grimmjow by the arm.

"What is the meaning of this?!" Captain Hitsugaya exclaimed.

"Toshiro!" Ichigo begged.

"What is going on?" The little captain demanded again looking to the judges above. "Why is the substitute soul reaper here?"

"It is a settled matter, Captain, it is not your concern."

But another voice boomed out. "The squirt asked a question. And I want to hear the answer too." Kenpachi took a stance behind Hitsugaya. With his unruly spirit and the creep of ice in the atmosphere, there was no way the other captains wouldn't be alerted.

It was madness when the other captains and lieutenants arrived.

There was shouting, demands, orders being thrown around. Renji pulled the men off of Ichigo, but in the middle of it all Kurotsuchi still had Grimmjow.

"STOP THIS!" The voice of the Head Captain boomed over them. Unohana was at his side. Ichigo could see his drawn features. He was still unclear as to what ailed the Head Captain, but he stood now, commanding the attention of everyone.

The facts were laid bare. Renji kept a restraining arm around Ichigo the entire time, urging him to wait and see what would happen.

People were upset that the Central 46 had taken such measures to conduct secret operations, especially one involving Ichigo. The Head Captain called for a meeting, ordered everyone else to leave until he and the Central 46 discussed things. Kurotsuchi started pulling Grimmjow to the door.

"STOP!" Ichigo called.

"He's my prisoner."

"NO!" Ichigo ripped from Renji's hold and ran at the captain. He was floored by a blow to the head and landed on his back, sputtering. Silence fell, everyone watched. "You can't..." Ichigo hissed.

"Yes, I can." Kurotsuchi was moving. Grimmjow had no choice but to go with him. Ichigo coughed, he shut his eyes, felt the world spin.

_Did he ever tell you how I caught him? I_ _replicated a spike in your reatsu._

_Aizen's reatsu spiked yesterday and it should not be able to do that._

Ichigo sat up, blood gushing from his nose, but the world suddenly sharp and clear as brown eyes focused on the painted captain.

"It was you."

His words were deadly quiet but everyone heard them. Kurotsuchi did not seem to intend on stopping but Kenpachi shut the door with a thud. Kurotsuchi turned.

"You told me how you captured Grimmjow." Ichigo continued. "You told me you replicated a spike in my reatsu so he would come running."

Already he saw the shock on Hitsugaya's face, others too were piecing it together. "And Soifon came because she said there was an unexplained spike in reatsu from Aizen's cell. One that should not be possible. She told Grimmjow she had to fight to be the one to interrogate him, because otherwise it would have been you. She got in your way the first time but you got what you wanted in the end. You got Grimmjow back."

"He's just a prisoner."

Ichigo rose. "No he's not. Not to you. You're obsessed with him. He's unfinished business and you wanted him back so badly this is what you did. You faked a crisis that would require interrogation from Grimmjow. You're a monster. Let him go."

No one moved. Kurotsuchi scanned the faces of the other captain. He read his defeat in their eyes.

"It's true, isn't it?" Unohana spoke.

"Let him go." Ichigo insisted, moving closer.

"Captain Kurotsuchi, what do you have to say for yourself?" the Head Captain finally spoke.

He stood there still, his hands wrapped around Grimmjow possessively: one now around his waist, the other his neck, holding him back against him more like a hostage now than a prisoner.

"The subject has much more to give to science."

"HE'S NOT A SUBJECT!" Ichigo screamed. "He's a man! He became our ally when we needed one most! And nothing that he did under Aizen deserved what he's suffered. Nothing. So, Let. Him. Go."

"You're just a human."

"No." Renji unsheathed his sword and moved to Ichigo's side. "He's the man who saved us all, first from Aizen, then from Juha Bach."

Soifon was the next to pull out her blade, but she spoke to the Head Captain.

"Sir, I suggest we arrest Captain Kurotsuchi until these accusations can be investigated."

"Agreed."

At the single word there was a unanimous ring of steel sliding from sheathes. Kurotsuchi was nearly strangling Grimmjow he was holding him so tight. His eyes were wild.

"Let him go." Soifon commanded.

"You are all fools. The boy is deranged. You are throwing away an opportunity to learn from the prisoner."

Soifon took another step forward. "Drop him."

The deciding factor was most likely Kenpachi's blade coming to rest at the back of the scientist's neck.

"You heard her." He grunted.

Ichigo expected Kurotsuchi to go insane, to start fighting wildly and be taken down. But he smiled, released Grimmjow who fell forward to hands and knees, and willingly held up his hands. "Fine. But you will find no evidence to support those claims. And while you waste time with all of this, Aizen presents a threat and you lose your chance to get information from him."

Soifon moved to secure him. Kenpachi told him to shut up. Ichigo moved to Grimmjow's side.

He was still on his hands and knees. Ichigo put a hand against his shoulder. He flinched.

"I'm sorry." Kurotsuchi was taken from the chambers but all eyes had fallen to the pair. Ichigo was aware that theirs were the only voices, but he had to concentrate on the espada.

"Ichigo..." he sat back slowly, his body in terrible pain and his movements slow. "Is it over now?"

He seemed only to see the substitute, only to feel his presence, to need to hear his next words. "I hope so." He whispered, and reached out again, seeing the first tear spill over. Grimmjow didn't flinch this time when his hand came over his shoulder. "But it's not up to me. It's up to them."

Grimmjow nodded, bowed his head and gave into the pain and exhaustion, let what little was left of his strength pour out in tears and sobs. Ichigo pulled him against his shoulder, but kept his eyes on those around them.

"Perhaps it is time some truths were told." Unohana stepped forward and removed her haori, draping it over Grimmjow's shoulders.

"Take them to the Fourth." The Head Captain ordered. "The captains shall meet in one hour's time."

* * *

_**Fewf, this was a dark one, I had to keep it going until there was some sort of relief because I just didn't want to leave this chapter on as dark a note as the last few. Anyway, thanks for all the reviews and support of my choice to keep this a friendship. So like I said, I give permission to anyone who wants to make their own version of this story I would just appreciate you letting me know!**_

_**And to answer a quesiton for a guest, in chapter 10 it was Grimmjow's leg that was broken.**_

_**Thanks,**_

_**Riza**_


	15. Chapter 15

The Fourth had poured enormous effort into healing Grimmjow under Unohana's instruction. Ichigo was surprised to see the Orihime-like level of healing on his battered form. Some bruising remained, the scars from before were all still there, but the last week of horror had been mostly undone. At least from his flesh. His mind, however, was a different story.

Grimmjow hated the Soul Reapers. He distrusted them deeply, and expected at every moment for the decision to be made to hand him back to Kurotsuchi. He had no confidence in their morals, no reason to think they would change after everything they had already done to him.

So even a week later, when he had been left untouched in the care of Unohana, he couldn't rest, could find peace. He'd lost consciousness in the Council chambers and hadn't woken for more than forty hours. But after that he barely slept.

Ichigo remained with him the whole time. It was him who convinced him to eat, to drink. But beyond that he sat in silence almost all day, shivering in his hospital scrubs but not from the cold. He was haunted. That week had dredged up all the fears and horrors of those two years. Kurotsuchi's face and voice were so vivid. And worst, his touch. His skin crawled at the vivid memories of those long nails scraping over his skin, possessive, cold and unhindered.

He was observed by the Head Captain and other captains and the Central 46. After two weeks of seeing what he'd been reduced to- the shakes, twitches, panic attacks- he was deemed no threat and fully paid for his crimes.

He wasn't freed, but neither was he really a prisoner anymore. He was a patient. Ichigo guessed a more definitive decision as to his future would be determined when he got better- if he got better. Ichigo asked to take him back tot he human world but was denied. He was instead, moved to a facility attached to the Fourth Division that was specifically for long term care and rehabilitation.

Ichigo returned home for one day. He made a difficult decision that day, but he didn't see what else he could do. He withdrew from his courses. He packed a bag, said his good bye to Orihime with the promise to return when he could, and moved into the Rehab facility with Grimmjow.

Why? Because Kurotsuchi had not yet been proven guilty. And as much as he wanted to believe in them, the Soul Reapers had let him down in every regard concerning Grimmjow to this point. He couldn't trust them to look out for Grimmjow and the espada certainly didn't.

It was a beautiful location, really. It reminded Ichigo of Byakuya's manor. The gardens and small pond outside were tranquil. But they only brought on another devastating reality. In all this time, since they day they'd locked him up, Grimmjow had not been outside for probably more than a collective hour. For two years he was in the Twelfth. Then they transported him to the human world where he was in the apartment for months. So now was the first time he could step outside. And he didn't want to. The sun was too bright, the space too open, the sounds too different. There was no corner for him to back into and watch the entire space. It made him too vulnerable. So he didn't want to go outside.

In fact, he didn't really want to do anything.

Unohana tried to give him therapy, but he mostly just sat there while she talked. Ichigo tried to get him to play cards, but he just stared at them. He was exhausted all the time, from not sleeping but also just from everything.

"I want to go home." Grimmjow said abruptly one night, startling Ichigo who had just fallen asleep. They shared a room. Ichigo could have had his own but he figured he'd gone this far to be by Grimmjow's side he might as well stay with him all the time. Ichigo had the bed by the window, but when he looked around for Grimmjow he wasn't in his bed, he was at the foot of Ichigo' staring out the patio door that opened to the garden. It was covered in fresh snow fall, the pond iced over, and the moon shining silver down on everything. Ichigo realized he'd made the comparison to the silver sands of Hueco Mundo under that ever present moon.

"What?"

"I want to go home, Ichigo. It was the last place I was me."

Grimmjow had gained up his weight some in the last month they'd been here. But he was still not the warrior he'd once been. As slender as Ichigo was, Grimmjow was still smaller than him. He raised a bandaged wrist to the glass. He still rubbed the flesh raw out of some nervous tick and so had to have his wrists and hands bandaged up most of the time. But in the winters' glow, his eyes seemed closer to those fierce ones Ichigo remembered from the war.

"You think it might help?"

"I don't know."

"Okay. I'll ask Unohana if we can go."

"Okay."

* * *

They touched down in soft sand, just before the white palace. Ichigo had been surprised to have been allowed to go just the two of them. But then, this was a dead world. There was nothing that could hurt Ichigo here. Grimmjow stood, exposed in the sand, but here he was at peace. Ichigo saw it in him instantly. He didn't fear the unknown here. Because here, there were no Soul Reapers. There was no Captain Kurotsuchi. So being outside was okay.

Ichigo trailed Grimmjow. For the first time since he found him in that cell, the espada was leading the way. He never spoke, leading them up broken marble stairs, past the scene of one of their first encounters as allies and not enemies. Ichigo had come to learn the layout of the land and Las Noches to some extent but not entirely. It was a city unto itself and only Grimmjow now knew all the shortcuts and pathways through to destinations.

He brought them to a hall, nondescript, but rowed with doors. He stopped before one with the number six and Ichigo instantly understood.

It was basic. Bed, bathroom, uniforms still on their hangers. Ichigo got the impression nothing had been touched in here for the nearly thee years Grimmjow had been absent. He got the odd thought of whether Grimmjow returned here during the war. Would he come back to his old home, alone, his bed still here in the middle of all the chaos? It was strange.

Grimmjow sat at the foot of his bed, sheets still askew from the last time he'd slept here. He closed his eyes. Ichigo gave him some time before he spoke.

"This was your room."

"Yes."

"You miss it?"

Grimmjow shrugged. "It's the only place that's ever been mine." In all this palace, even after Aizen fell, Grimmjow still only wanted these four walls as his. But what more would a warrior want? He was bred of blood and battle, home wouldn't mean the same thing to him.

"I miss how I was here."

Ichigo knew he did not mean his angry self, but his strength and pride.

"If you were freed right now, is this where you'd come?"

Grimmjow looked to him, meeting his eyes for the first time in days. "Where else would I go?"

"Home with me." Ichigo said bluntly. "Always, Grimmjow."

He nodded. "Thank you, Ichigo."

The young man wasn't sure if that meant Grimmjow would choose him or Hueco Mundo, but he accepted the thanks regardless.

Silence resumed. Grimmjow stared at his bandaged wrists and hands, fingers that were unbound were severely chafed. He still rubbed the skin unconsciously all the time.

"I'm broken." He whispered.

"No, you're healing." Ichigo sat next to him but Grimmjow shook his head.

"No, I'm broken Ichigo. Because no matter how hard I try to find myself again, I won't, I can't because he broke me in half." And Ichigo understood as bandaged hands came up to eyes. "Pantera is still gone."

He didn't cry. He just sat in the cold truth of it. Ichigo had no words of comfort.

"Can I have some time?" He said eventually.

"Of course." Ichigo left him in his room. He took a walk along the row of rooms. It was eery. Some were still left as if their owners had just been in them, others looked like they'd never been lived in. He stopped at room three. The bed was made, he saw nothing in the room the indicated Halibel had ever really lived here but on the bed was the broken sword Grimmjow had been carrying so long ago. He had left it here, a shrine to her. It was heartbreaking. The last of his kind, his soul shattered and the one place he considered home was an abandoned fortress in the middle of dead wasteland.

He shut Halibel's door and moved further through the palace. It was a maze to him, but certain rooms brought back vivid memories. He recalled less the battles and more the feelings, that utter desperation to find Orihime, to save her and get out with the rest of his friends. Now, after so long of not fighting such battles, it seemed hard to believe that at just fifteen he'd faced such terror and evil.

But he had triumphed. There were no lasting scars. Not like for Grimmjow.

He had been wandering for hours when he heard the explosion. He hadn't been sure what Grimmjow wanted to do here, what he needed to do. But he chased the noise through several corridors until he came to he came to the smouldering room.

He didn't recognize it, he'd never been here, but Grimmjow knew it as the place he'd lost an arm, the room where Aizen had looked down on him. And ever since he was captured it had been the same, everyone looked down on him, treated him as less than human, or even if they did, it was out of pity. He raised his hand again and another cero broke the chair from its purchase, shattering against the tile below. He blasted at the walls, the ceiling.

Ichigo watched him. It was the first time he'd seem him use any sort of power since he'd brought him home. The strain was clear. He was sweating from the effort, maybe just from the disuse. Ichigo was surprised he could muster this much energy, his spiritual pressure was barely a blip in the atmosphere without Pantera.

The glow of power began to fade. Grimmjow dropped to his knees, totally spent.

"I don't want to go back yet." He said when Ichigo came to his side and got an arm around him.

"Okay. We'll spend the night."

* * *

Ichigo eased Grimmjow onto his bed. He lay breathing hard from the exertion and it didn't take long for him to go under.

Ichigo didn't know where he should go. He also didn't know if it was safe to leave Grimmjow by himself. It was less his mental state and more the physical. He'd completely drained himself and Ichigo had never seen him so out of breath from exercise.

He ended up sleeping in the chair. He had intended to stay up but Grimmjow slept on for several hours and eventually Ichigo succumbed as well. He wasn't sure what time it was when he woke but what he did know was Grimmjow was gone. He panicked. He knew from the war how big this world was and with such little spiritual pressure it could be impossible to find him. He ran out the door and looked down the empty hall but stopped when he saw the door open to the third bedroom.

He moved silently toward the bedroom but didn't go in. He could see from the door Grimmjow standing over the bed. He left him. As much as he may have cared for Halibel, her death had meant so much more. The beginning of his solitude. The end of a fellowship. He had said she'd saved him after Aizen. But he hadn't been able to save her.

Ichigo waited for Grimmjow in his room. He came back shortly, he still looked pale from shooting off the ceros earlier.

"We should go back." Ichigo was a bit concerned by his colour, the fact his breath was still ragged.

"Okay."

"Did you want your uniforms?"

Grimmjow just shook his head to say no.

"Okay." He kept an arm around Grimmjow the entire way back. When Unohana greeted them the espada barely made it to a bed.

"What happened?" Ichigo explained the literal blow up Grimmjow'd had.

"He can't do that again. He needs all his strength." She rebandgaged his hands, the ceros had burned through the bindings and his wrists were already chafed again.

"He doesn't believe he can get better without Pantera."

The sadness in her eyes deepened.

"There is no way to get him back, is there?"

"He was destroyed in such a horrific way- I honestly don't know." Ichigo nodded.

"I want to take Grimmjow back home again. Yesterday, before the ceros, he was so different in Hueco Mundo. Being here, around Soul Reapers just isn't helping."

She frowned.

"He's still so unwell."

"I know, but you must see it. He fears them."

She nodded. "I will put in the request."

"Thank you."

* * *

Three days later Orihime was greeting them with fresh baked bread and clunking around on a walking cast, her ankle nearly fully healed. Chad and Uryu had helped her fix the place up, the kitchen was completely cleaned from Kurotsuchi's attack, the table and chairs had been replaced, nothing left to remind Grimmjow of what had happened. Rukia had brought them back, the bindings were still in place but Ichigo would wait until things in Soul Society were settled before trying to fight that issue.

They ate. They talked. Grimmjow remained silent the whole time. He had recovered from the exertion of ceros but not from his depression about Pantera. It was a fact he couldn't ignore, something that could not be fixed and it slowed other areas of progress.

He went vacant often. Ichigo started letting Uryu and Chad come visit, he'd been worried about the effect of more faces on Grimmjow but now the espada barely acknowledged them. He spent most of his days on the couch, eyes far away. Ichigo had started an online language course just for something to keep him occupied. His friends made a clear effort to visit often as Ichigo hardly left the house now.

"Wrists." He called to Grimmjow as he passed out beers to Chad and Uryu. The espada didn't hear him. "Grimmjow, stop rubbing your wrists."

He went over and closed a hand over the espada's. Only then did Grimmjow notice him.

"Why don't you come to the table, have a beer?"

Grimmjow didn't budge.

Ichigo could have sworn depression was contagious, because after enough time alone with Grimmjow, he wanted to lay down and never get up again.

This was supposed to be the happy ending. He'd rescued him from Kurotsuchi. They were supposed to be doing better, not this. True, there were no panic attacks, no tears, no anger, instead there was just nothing.

Ichigo wasn't sure he considered than an improvement.

And then they got a miracle.

Orihime had come over after the removal of her cast. Ichigo was making dinner and she went to get Grimmjow from the couch.

He rose at her beckoning but stumbled. It happened on occasion that an old injury would flare to life, and most often it was his back around the six tattoo. She moved to catch him, her hand fell over his back and Ichigo just turned around in time to see a sudden light of life in Grimmjow's eyes. His hands were around her shoulders, she gave a small gasp and drew back.

"What happened?" Ichigo came over. Grimmjow turned to look over his shoulder, he lifted his shirt to reveal the six tattoo clear and untouched.

"You healed me." the espada whispered.

"Orihime!" Ichigo took her hands but they weren't shaking like they had since the horrible breaks.

"I don't know..." he shook her head. "but today the doctor said looking at the x-ray he couldn't even tell my ankle had been broken."

"Then your powers are really back?"

"I think." She turned back to Grimmjow and raised a hand over his bone mask that was so abused and sent shivers of pain through him from time to time.

"I reject."

The gold light warmed the skin around the bone. When she withdrew, he raised his hand to feel smooth bone, none of the sensitivity remained from before.

"You can undo it..." he breathed, "the things he did to me."

"I will, I promise."

"But slowly." Ichigo warned. "We still don't know how strong you are yet. I don't want you to over do it."

"Okay." But she smiled at Grimmjow and took his hand. "It's going to be okay."

* * *

Life had returned to the apartment. Each day Orihime healed him more. He talked. He told her what still hurt him. Ichigo was a bit shocked at all the pains Grimmjow had never revealed. His stomach was the worst, he said. It hurt of the time. So she healed that. It had taken much time and energy and that had been all should could manage for a few days. Then he told her of a foot that had been broken seven times and always hurt when he walked. She healed that. They worked through the worst of it. There was still much to be done when they got the call on the soul pager.

"They finally uncovered evidence. Kurotsuchi is facing trial tomorrow. They want us to go."

"I have to go back?" Grimmjow looked up from where he sat with his shirt off while Orhime had been working on a messy patch of scars along his spine.

"They want to hear from you."

His jaw set.

"I'll be with you." Ichigo encouraged.

"Yeah...okay."

Ichigo managed to get them to let Orihime to come as well. That way, when they sat in the counsel chambers, this time packed with Soul Reapers, every last captain present, Grimmjow was buffered on each side by one friendly face.

Just like the last time they were here, he sat with head bowed, not looking to those who spoke. Ichigo, however, was caught up into the tension of it all. He was surprised it was Urahara who lead the explanations. It seemed he had been called to try and hack Kurotsuchi's systems in order to find evidence of what he'd done. It had taken time, but he had succeeded in comparing the flare from Aizen from the false flare of Ichigo's power the scientist had used long ago to lure out Grimmjow.

But the trial didn't end there. Urahara left and Unohana took up his spot, accusing Kurotsuchi of excessive use of force, accused the court itself for allowing such things to happen.

That's when they started reading from Kurotsuchi's logs. They wanted to prove his obsession with Grimmjow. So his cold, possessive words were read aloud for all to hear.

And then they played footage.

Grimmjow's chair slammed back into the floor. He made for the door.

"Grimmjow..." Ichigo couldn't blame him, everyone was appalled by what they were seeing and Ichigo was infuriated that they were displaying Grimmjow's hell like this. He made to chase after him but before Grimmjow could reach the end of the chamber the video ended and a cold voice stopped him.

"Good to see you remember."

Grimmjow froze, the court silent. He turned to face the man behind bars in the centre of the court.

"Why do you really think they brought you back here?"

"Quiet." someone warned Kurotsuchi but Grimmjow had taken the bait. He moved slowly back toward the cage.

"They all want to see what I created. They call me a monster but they're curious. They wanted to see you for themselves."

"Shut up." Grimmjow finally spoke. He stood before the bars, staring in on the face that haunted him.

"They'll keep you here. Say they want to help, but really they want to follow up on what I started."

"That's enough!" the Head Captain rose from his seat but Kurotsuchi struck the bars with shackled wrists creating a high pitched clank that dropped Grimmjow instantly. He clutched at his chest in sudden pain.

"See, you'll always be mine to control."

"No..." the word growled out of Grimmjow.

"My best subject, you should be proud."

"NO!" He stood again.

"Yes."

"NO!" He screamed and grabbed the bars. "I'm not yours! I'm not a test subject!"

"You are. I unmade you. Don't you remember, how I ripped apart your soul? You know there is no way to undo that. You will never be whole again."

"AHHHH!" Grimmjow threw himself at the bars, desperate to rip this man apart. Guards got a hold of him and threw him back. He hit the floor and they moved to restrain him.

"Don't touch me!" He screamed.

Ichigo caught the motion from the Head Captain and the guards stopped, leaving Grimmjow alone.

"I hate you." The espada growled into the floor where he'd been thrown. His bandaged hands pressed into the smooth surface, clenched in raw anger. "I hate you more than anything."

He got to his knees. Ichigo moved to his side. "It's okay."

"It's not okay, Ichigo. It never will be." He looked down on his bandaged hands. They shook. He shut his eyes. "Because no matter what, he still won."

"That's right." Kurotsuchi hissed.

"Enough of this!" The Head Captain finally put an end to the show. "Have we not seen enough to make a decision?"

"Yes." the counsel agreed. "We will announce our decision in one hour's time."

"Come on." Ichigo got his arms under Grimmjow. "Let's get some air."

They sat on a bench outside. Grimmjow was dangerously close to a panic attack. Unohana joined them, Orihime sat at Grimmjow's side and held one hand while he took gasping breaths. Ichigo kept a steady hand on his shoulder.

"It'll never be over."

"Don't say that."

"It's true Ichigo. He always wins. He won't let this be it."

"I know you have no reason to trust them, but I do think they're going to make the right decision and lock him up."

Grimmjow shook his head. "It doesn't matter. He'll find a way. He won't be stopped."

The door opened. Someone told them a decision had already been made.

"I can't go back in there." Grimmjow said.

"It's about to be over." Ichigo reassured.

"No. I'll wait here. I can't see him again."

"I'll wait with you."

"No, come back and tell me what happened."

"If you're sure."

The others rose. He remained on the bench. They filed in with the rest of the crowd. The doors shut again and he was alone.

It didn't take long. He heard shouts. Felt a rumble. Then there was a hiss beside him and he saw green gas escaping from beneath the door. He wasn't sure how, but the monster had done something to ensure his escape.

He shut his eyes. Kurotsuchi had won again.

* * *

_**More to come! A slower chapter but definitely some action in the next one! Thanks for all you reviews!**_

_**Riza**_


	16. Chapter 16

Grimmjow made his way over bodies. He arrived just in time to see Kurotsuchi's malleable body morph to slide between the bars.

"What did you do?" He asked his torturer, seeing the forms splayed in their seats, or on the floor. He moved at once to Ichigo, his eyes open, mouth agape, still breathing but painfully.

"A little something I started testing on the Head Captain a while ago, hence his sickness." Kurotsuchi explained. "You see, the beauty of this one is that the stronger your spiritual pressure, the more severely you are affected." Grimmjow knelt, holding Ichigo, but looked to Orihime beside him. She was also rigid. He put a hand on her arm.

"You paralysed them."

"Essentially. As you can guess, they decided to strip me of my captain's seat and lock me away. I can't have that." Grimmjow looked back to him. "You knew, didn't you? You've learned that I always get my way."

"Undo it."

"No."

"Then leave."

"I intend to. With you, of course."

Grimmjow stiffened.

"Never."

"Oh?" He moved over the body of Soifon who must have tried to stop him. Grimmjow also noticed Nemu was unaffected. She followed her Captain.

"Stay back." But Grimmjow couldn't move without abandoning his friends. Kurotsuchi did, however, stopped.

"Fine. Then you come here."

Grimmjow watched him carefully but then in an instant his hands were empty and Nemu was beside him with Ichigo.

"Don't!" But Grimmjow couldn't stop her from taking the young man back to the centre of the room and to her captain.

"Shall we resume our last session, Grimmjow?" She dropped Ichigo onto the floor. Grimmjow rose. Surrounded by watching eyes. The room awake but unmoving. Nemu produced Kurotsuchi's zanpakuto and he pointed it over Ichigo.

"Stop." Grimmjow took a step forward.

"No until you come over here." The blade tore down Ichigo's chest, ripping skin and uniform.

"STOP!" Grimmjow took another few steps but every ancient fear in him was slowing his movements.

"Closer." Kurotsuchi teased the blade over Ichigo's stomach.

"Just stop..." Grimmjow came within an arm's length.

"You know, I always wanted to cut him open. The human visored. What an interesting specimen. Remember when I cut you open, espada? How do you think the human would fare? Shall we see?" His sword dug into Ichigo's navel. Grimmjow leaped forward and pushed the sword away. He knelt at Ichigo's side, checking the wound.

"He'll survive, if you do what I say."

The wound was deep, but narrow, Ichigo would be okay as long as this paralysis wore off.

"Okay."

Ichigo watched him, unable to move, or speak, just draw a rasping breath, but those eyes were screaming.

"Good. Take off your shirt."

Grimmjow complied, dropping it at Ichigo's side.

"Oh my. I see you've had some healing. Stand." Grimmjow did. He shook under the touch, fingers tracing over the smooth skin of his back where scars had marred his tattoo. Then up his spine, old needle marks gone.

"A blank canvas." Kurotsuchi mused, working his way slowly around to Grimmjow's front. He examined the bone mask and his scar free face. "Did the girl do this for you?"

"Yes."

"Good. How much more fun to start from scratch." he looked down on his bandaged wrists. "Or almost." he ripped them off, revealing flesh yet to be healed, thick layers of scar tissue built atop one another.

"Nemu." She produce a pair of cuffs, not the same shackles from all that time but similar enough and the weight drug his hands down. Kurotsuchi took them by the chain and prepared to leave.

"We'll find a new place, espada, to conduct our research. Nemu, bring Kurosaki."

"What?" Grimmjow halted. "No, don't touch him."

"Come now, I can't let an opportunity to use him against you pass."

"NO!" Nemu had Ichigo by the leg, preparing to drag him with them. "Leave him out of it."

Kurotsuchi yanked the chain and dragged Grimmjow into him. He struggled against the closeness but fingernails dug into his back. "You don't have a choice."

Grimmjow tried to bring his knee up but they were too close. Kurotsuchi threw him to the ground. He tried to get back up but a terrible loud snap caused him to stop and it took his brain a second to catch up to the feeling in his back. Kurptsuchi's blade came down again, the flat smacking onto his bare back with all the force it could without breaking his spine. A welt rose instantly, his flesh split on either side where the blade dug in. He felt his ribs shudder.

"Gha!" He screamed at the third and fourth strikes. The last hit his shoulder and the blade shifted unevenly, opening up a deep cut at the base of his neck and leaving the shoulder blade fractured if not broken. Grimmjow collapsed onto his stomach, struggling to breathe. Kurotsuchi knelt over him and ran cruel fingers down his raw back.

"You know you can't win. So don't even try." Hot tears escaped the espada. The vision of all those faces watching them blurred before him but then he was rolled onto his back. He groaned in agony and now all he could see was that face.

"Kurosaki will come with us. But I will make a deal with you. His hands worked his pants fly and worked them down. "As long as you comply to my every wish, I won't harm him."

He discarded the jeans but didn't seem to find it necessary to bare Grimmjow completely this time so he left him in his boxers and took his arms to drag him back up. The damage to his back was severe, he could hardly stand for the pain and the rapid blood loss but Kurotsuchi held him up in the middle of the court, his taunting proposition on display for all to hear.

"So, what do you say? Will you let me dissect you, experiment on you, without complaint? Will you be honest, give me accurate readings for my research?"

"Yes." came the broken whisper.

"All to save him?"

"Yes."

"How interesting. Then it's time we go."

"What about them?" His eyes went to Orihime and Unohana, but he meant everyone in the court.

"I'm sure their subordinates will come looking for them sooner or later. Come." He spun Grimmjow around and looped a hand around his waist to keep him upright as they walked past all the silent watchers.

They reached the door before Grimmjow halted again.

"I can't."

"What?"

He didn't have much choice, he was far weaker but he shifted to look back at his captor. "No. You'll still do it. You'll still torture him, maybe even kill him."

"You know me well."

"Then I can't let you take him."

"You don't have-" Grimmjow slammed his metal cuffed wrists into the man's face, hoping to stun him, but nothing ever seemed to harm this man.

"Poor choice." He hissed, and threw Grimmjow into the wall. This time the blade came down on his right thigh. He hollered and fell sitting. The next strike was to his face.

Everything spun. The flat of the blade had hit his mask-less cheek. The force was too much, his cheekbone broke, jaw snapped and face split open just under his eye, the rest burning red from the slap. He lay on his side, blood filling his mouth, gasping.

"How much more punishment do you want?" But he was losing consciousness now. "Oh, I know," Kurotsuchi moved to Ichigo, rolling him over and baring his back. "If you're body can't handle it, maybe his can." He delivered the same flat sided blows to Ichigo's back. One. Two. Blood was already thick, the blade was worse than any whip. Three. Four. Ichigo couldn't move to defend himself. Grimmjow choked on words of protest, his mouth not working right anymore. Five. There was a snap worse than skin splitting. Grimmjow felt hot. Horror, despair, agony— _anger_ rose in him.

"Stop." He pushed his face off the ground and sat up.

"You brought this on yourself."

"No." He got shakily to his knees. Kurotsuchi regarded him.

"You understand there is no defeating me."

Something was on fire inside of him, something that hurt worse than any torture, burned deeper. Something was happening, he couldn't understand. Kurotsuchi seemed to see it.

"What are you doing?"

"Everything you did..." blue eye blazed with more than fury. There was raw power there that hadn't been touched in years. The spirit of anger, of the warrior, the espada, had been buried deep, but now it was clawing its way back, tearing him apart from the inside out. "...and you never even said my name."

Silver-blue light glowed over pale flesh. Crimson drenched his face, dripped down his front. Bared teeth were stained red, adding to their menace.

"And now you want to do it all to him. To Ichigo. To the one person you know I care about."

He lifted one knee, got one foot on the ground.

"Stay down or I'll kill him."

"No. You won't. Because I told you over and over, that I would kill you. Well, today is that day." He was practically vibrating now, the light around him so intense it was actually hard to see him.

He rose.

"I am not your test subject. I am Grimmjow Jaggerjaques." He stretched out his hand. "And this, Mayuri Kurotsuchi, is they day you die."

The silver light exploded from his body, washed over the room and shook the frozen spectators.

"No..." Kurotsuchi hissed, beholding what had been left in the wake of that power.

"Yes." Grimmjow's hand closed over the other half of his soul. Nearly a year and a half they'd been separated. A year and a half for Pantera to rebuild itself inside of him. But it had taken the call of the warrior, the need of the sword, to bring him back.

"It's over."

Every nightmare rose before his waking eyes. Every laugh and smile. Every touch. Every tool. Ever trigger.

Sight and sound were lost to him and he gave into the rage deep inside.

* * *

Flickering florescents dangled from their wires. The cold, unsteady glow refracted through a cracked glass wall, reflected off broken metals and shattered chains. Long patches of dark hid the extent of destruction, but the rents in their very foundations of the room, the building told of the raw power used to tear this place apart. Liquids mixed as one as they trickled over broken tile and out of shattered vials. The black viscous goop that resulted worked slowly toward a drain, running beneath countless instruments that had been torn from the walls, thrown from shelves.

And in the midst of it all stood one soul. The only sound in the room came from his laboured breaths, each one puffed before him, a billow of silver in the cold air of the subterranean laboratory.

That and the steady sound of dripping blood.

This is how they found him. Torrents of emotion fuelled spiritual pressure had kept the lesser soul reapers at bay until they could revive their seniors. So when Ichigo had been woken from paralysis, though back torn to shreds, he'd been brought here. No one argued when he said he would go alone. Even when they finally found some evidence of Kurotsuchi's remains just outside the room. Even when they got reports of just how much damage had been caused by the fight between traitor-captain and espada.

Because they had all witnessed his madness, his malice. And they had all let him turn those on Grimmjow for two years.

Sandled feet crunched over a fallen syringe. Ichigo picked his way through the debris, heart pounding as every step brought him closer to the blood covered being in the centre of the room. Still the patter of blood was the most prominent noise. Large droplets fell every other second from his hand, clamped over his stomach. The wide gash was quickly draining the life from him, few could survive a wound like that.

And yet still he stood. Still he stared and did not move.

"Grimmjow."

Not a muscle moved in the warrior. His other hand still firmly grasped Pantera. A wild swing could still be deadly, Ichigo held Zangetsu before him just to be safe. He swallowed hard as he felt his own pain, but continued his slow circle around the espada, until they were face to face.

It was hard to believe someone could have that much blood on them, and still be alive. For several long seconds Ichigo stared at Grimmjow, thinking there was no way he could survive having lost so much. But then he understood. Not all of this blood was Grimmjow's.

"Grimmjow." He repeated, now face to face, now within arm's reach. Blue eyes were fixed somewhere far away, beyond the room where he'd once been tortured. But he came back, when Ichigo called him. The slightest tremor ran through him, when Ichigo's hand rose to his face, held his maskless cheek that had been shattered by Kurotsuchi's sword. But it wasn't the twinge of pain Grimmjow felt, it was shaking fingers, it was the gentle gesture, the pleading eyes.

Pantera clattered to the ground. That unyielding storm of power died in an instant. And Grimmjow shook in the reality of his pain and injuries; in the aftermath of facing his greatest nightmare.

"Ichigo." With the name came a mouthful of blood. His hand reached for him as he fell, and Ichigo moved into him to ease his descent.

"UNOHANA!"

The stuttering lights slowed. The cold grew. And blue eyes were lost once more.

* * *

**_I feel an end coming soon...be prepared!_**

**_Thanks for all the reviews, and good guess Junichiblue, of course I had to let Grimmjow get his revenge! Took me a while to write this though and get it the way I wanted, hope it worked for all of you, until next time...possibly the last time..._**

**_Riza._**


	17. Chapter 17

Waves of darkness rolled in stormy swells high above, the sound of their crash against rock and stone no more than distant vibrations at these depth.

The nether realm of death ensnared him. It held no secrets to one who'd already passed this way, long ago, but it gripped him tight and would not surrender.

Not until a voice torpedoed through the deep, blew back the crushing weight of silence and grabbed him tight around each shoulder.

"Grimmjow!"

Ichigo's face was bathed gold. An incandescent glow filled the space between them and Grimmjow slowly relaxed his fingers from where they had gripped Ichigo back tight around his arms.

"That's enough, Orihime." A soft voice warned. Orihime's power faded away and the two were left in the natural light that poured in from the broad window next to his bed in the Fourth Division.

"Ichigo?" His voice was hoarse, he swallowed and took in his condition. White sheets had been thrown askew, he guessed in his revival. In their absence several white bandages were visible, his midriff tightly bound and he still felt a tingling pain there, but not the deep wound that had threatened to kill him. All over were minor wounds that had been stitched and covered and now their healing advanced by the power Orihime could spare. He drew his eyes away from himself and back to Ichigo, the teen he'd nearly died trying to save. He'd been wounded, but it seemed Orhime had taken care of the terrible blows Kurotsuchi had lain in his back.

"Grimmjow, you're back."

"Yeah. Was I that close?"

"Yes." Unohana said behind Ichigo. "If it weren't for Orihime, I'm afraid we would have lost you."

"Oh. Thanks." He said to the tired girl. She smiled.

"Of course. I'll do more, when I can."

Unohana walked her out, presumably so she could rest up. Ichigo puffed the pillows at Grimmjow's back so he could sit up more comfortably before taking a seat on the stool next to his bed. Unohana rejoined them.

"What happened?" Grimmjow asked the expected question.

"What do you remember?"

"Pantera returning. And then nothing until...your face in the laboratory." He turned to Ichigo. "Is he dead?"

"Yes."

"Good."

"Grimmjow." Unohana put a hand on his shoulder, "the manner of his death-"

"What? Tell me how he died."

"You shouldn't dwell on it."

"Tell me."

"You tore him to shreds, according to members of his staff who witnessed your fight."

"I always told him I would." She quieted. No matter what the espada had suffered, it was hard to stomach the animalistic way in which Grimmjow had killed Kurotsuchi.

"What is it?" Grimmjow had watched her features darken. "Don't tell me their going to arrest me for this."

"Grimmjow-"

"THE HELL THEY ARE!" He lunged from the bed, sheets flying in Ichigo's face before he could get a hold of Grimmjow. But the sixth only made a few paces before his knees failed to lock and he fell against another empty bed, clutching desperately at the supportive bar to stay upright.

"Grimmjow." The teen got his arms around his waist.

"Where's Pantera?" He asked as he was righted, completely supported by Ichigo, he held onto the other as he scanned the room wildly. "Tell me where he is?"

"Grimmjow calm down," Unohana warned.

"Give him to me!"

"He's right here!" Ichigo's voice brought his attention back to him. "We just put him over there." Ichigo nodded to a cupboard by the bed, the zanpakuto was propped in the corner.

"So...they aren't arresting me?"

"No."

"Oh." He sagged slightly in Ichigo's grip.

"Like I always told you, Grimmjow," he propelled him back to his bed, "I won't let them hurt you again."

He retrieved Pantera for his friend once he was back in the bed. "Here you go."

"Pantera." The whisper was reverent. Grimmjow held his soul like it might vanish, like it was perhaps just some dream that would disappear.

"How does he feel? I mean, is he the same?"

"He's mine. He's him." he nodded. "He's fine."

"Good."

"I can't believe he's back."

"It's amazing."

"I thought Kurotsuchi had broken me forever."

"But he didn't. You won, Grimmjow, in every sense."

The warrior lowered his forehead against the pommel of his blade. "We did. We're whole again."

* * *

They took it step by step out in the cold pathways. It hadn't snowed for days, everything was clear, and Ichigo walked next to his side as he manoeuvred his way along on crutches. There had been more damage than Grimmjow had first realized and even with his spiritual pressure back to full strength it would take some time to recover.

It was the first he'd seen of the damage. He'd heard wisps of conversations about the fight. He knew more than one building had suffered. Kurotsuchi had really done most of the damage with his enormous bankai and there had actually been some casualties of lesser soul reapers who had not escaped the shockwave of his blows or been treated for his poison in time.

Grimmjow was fairly certain this had helped his case. He'd stopped an enemy who had killed their own. His personal vengeance had saved them. So he'd been rewarded a full pardon, and the permission to return to the world of the living so long as he remained under Ichigo's guidance.

But not until he was healed. And not until his mental health could be reassessed.

He remembered nothing of the fight. This fact bothered Unohana, and ichigo a little. Grimmjow shrugged it off, though part of him wanted to relish in the moment he'd been knee deep in Kurotsuchi's blood, another part of him knew it would just be more memory of pain on top of all the other ones.

He just wanted to be done with Soul Society once and for all, to turn his back, and never return.

Because no matter what they did to make amends, he would always hate the Soul Reapers.

"Ichigo. Grimmjow." Rukia waved off the other members of her squad she'd been with and turned down the path to meet them. "How are you?"

"We're good." Ichigo answered for them.

"Ready to get back." Grimmjow grunted, trying to find a comfortable position to rest on his crutches.

"So you're going back with Ichigo, then?"

"Yeah." Ichigo said quickly. He was ever worried Grimmjow would think he was a burden and didn't want to give him an opportunity to doubt he was welcome.

"That's probably for the best." Rukia said. "And how are you feeling, Grimmjow?"

"I'm not quite so crazy, if that's what you're asking."

"I didn't mean it like that."

"Well, most people do." He sighed. It was true, he'd seen a marked improvement with the return of his soul and the knowledge Kurotsuchi could never again come for him. But despite this, years of mental breakdown couldn't be reversed in the blink of an eye. He still scanned ever inch of every room they entered, watched soul reapers with suspicious eyes and didn't sleep more than half an hour at a time.

"We should get back inside. You've been up too long already."

Rukia walked them back to the Fourth but waved goodbye at the door. Ichigo eased Grimmjow back onto the bed but he sat, hands clasped loosely in his lap, deep in thought.

"What is it?"

"What now?" Ichigo had feared this question. "What do I do when we go back?"

"Whatever you want to. Whatever you need to."

"It's just... I just don't know what I should be feeling now."

"Grimmjow," Ichigo stood and put a hand on his shoulder. The other looked up to him, nothing hidden in those blue eyes anymore, at least not to Ichigo. "You're free, of everything now. We take it one step at a time, you keep getting better, and you'll figure out what you want along the way."

"You really think it will be that simple."

"Nothing's simple, but we started this together, Grimmjow, and we're damn well going to end it that way."

Grimmjow bowed head, but nodded. "Thank you, Ichigo."

"Always." He lifted his hand. "Now get some rest."

* * *

A week later they were back in the apartment. It was strange for them both, things had been so different when last they'd been here, especially for Grimmjow. He was a new person.

Though still recovering from the last of his wounds, he was a whole being again, his sword strapped to his hip even while wearing sweatpants and a sweater. He went immediately to the mirror in the bathroom and stared at himself straight on. His right cheek held the faintest scar that Orihime still promised to heal. His jaw was sensitive, a molar was missing. A bandage still poked around his collar and he couldn't' quite stand straight for the pain in his stomach but the crutches were gone, he stood on his own two feet, and he met the gaze that was once a stranger's.

"Is it you?" Ichigo asked in the doorway. "Is it Grimmjow Jaggerjaques yet?"

A grin creased over still pale features. "You tell me. Is this the man who kicked your ass in that rocky field?"

"No. It's the man who didn't leave me to die in the dark. It's the man who became my ally on those sands."

"What about the man that tore Kurotsuchi to shreds?"

"I don't know. You don't even remember it." He caught the look in blue eyes and they shifted away ever so slightly. "Or maybe you do. When did it come back?"

"Three days ago. A dream, well, I guess it was a memory."

"And?"

"And it was everything they said." He brought his gaze back square, almost challenging, waiting to see Ichigo's reaction. None who had seen seemed able to shake what Grimmjow had done. No matter how evil, the way Grimmjow had torn him apart had been anamalistic, some said, psychotic.

"How do you feel about that?"

"I don't feel anything." He turned back to the mirror, "I did exactly what I told him I would. I did exactly what I promised myself I'd do. And now it's done."

"Then let's move on. Let's not dwell on what happened or on him."

But the triumph of their moment faltered and blue eyes dropped to the porcelain sink. "I want it to be over so bad Ichigo. I thought when I killed him, when I got Pantera back, that would fix everything."

"You can't expect it to."

"The dreams." He shut his eyes. "The noise, the light. When will that go away? When can I feel normal again?"

"I don't know. Nobody does."

Grimmjow opened his eyes again and let out a long breath. "Yeah. Unohana said the same. I guess patience just never was my best virtue. Still," he dropped his hand on the handled of his sword, "I got twice the resilience now. Twice the strength. That's gotta count for something."

"Yeah. It does. Grimmjow, we're on the home stretch."

"I friggin hope so."

* * *

They took it step by step as promised. It was no picnic. Now when Grimmjow woke from a nightmare there was the danger of cero bursts, sword swings, or just his raw strength striking out in the heat of fear and horror. Ichigo suffered a bad burn and a broken nose because of it. Grimmjow was always apologetic, once he recovered.

There were still days where he barely moved, when the weight of it all just seemed too much to shake off, and he lose himself to the memories again. Other times, they could talk and hang out like nothing had ever happened. They exercised in the gym in the basement of the apartment building, they even began venturing outside.

The city was still strange to Grimmjow, and though he and Ichigo had walked around the hills of Soul Society, the noise and bustle of the city in winter was at time overwhelming for Grimmjow. He wasn't afraid of humans, or cars, or anything the human world presented, it was simply too much sensory intake for one who'd been locked in silence for so long. Old conditions would take a long time to disappear- possibly even years, Unohana had warned them. A honking car had sent Grimmjow sideways into a brick wall while he clutched at his chest. The chime of a door bell had him swallowing back bile.

Nothing would take those memories, but at least now he had a body and soul better equipped to deal with the stress and Ichigo ever at his side to help him.

It was on one of their walks through slush covered sidewalks that Grimmjow caught the look in Ichigo's eyes as they passed the university. He wasn't very familiar with the concept of school or university, but he made out enough from the sign and the bustle of young people with books to gather this was the place Ichigo had once left the apartment to attend classes. They moved past it in silence, but Grimmjow didn't forget that look. A day later, when Ichigo was gone to the store, he went into his room. It took little detective work for him to find papers listing courses. Many of the words were foreign to him, but he knew he was looking at a class time table.

Ichigo wanted to go back to school. Hints of conversation from Chad and Uryu informed the espada that a new semester was staring. He wasn't sure what that meant, but he gathered Ichigo had the chance to go back to school when that happened.

He didn't address it until that night, when the apartment shook and he woke drenched in sweat, the black and white face still floating in the air before him.

"Grimmjow." Fortunately the apartment was spiritually protected- their neighbours would never be affected by his outbursts, but now the room was askew. Blue eyes noted the overturned chair, the spilled glass of water.

"Grimmjow." the second call turned his attention back to the teen beside him. He stiffened when he felt his wrist caught and only now noticed he was rubbing them again. He stopped, a long sigh escaping him.

"You okay?"

"I keep thinking I am. Then I have another nightmare."

"It's alright. Want to stay up for a bit?"

"No, Ichigo. I mean... I don't want to be doing this to you anymore."

Anxiety creased the teen's features, "What are you saying?"

"You want to go back to school." He watched the teen's shoulder's slump, like he'd failed horribly in letting the other perceive his true feelings. But Grimmjow kept his gaze. "I want you to."

"It's too late."

"You're lying."

He was. "Grimmjow, do you really want to be alone in the apartment all day?"

"I'll be fine."

"What if you're not?"

"Ichigo." His eyes were hard. "We have no idea how long the effects of what he did to me will last. If it goes on for years, does that mean you'll put your life on hold for years? If it does then I'm leaving, I'm going back to Hueco Mundo. In fact," he swung his legs over the bed to emphasize the threat, "if you don't agree to go back to school, I'll leave right now."

"Grimmjow!" They both stood. Ichigo watched him closely, absolute conviction in him.

"What's your decision?"

"You would really go?"

"I would."

"You're not a burden."

"I am as long as you stop living your life because I'm here."

"But I-"

"I won't mess it up for you. I promise."

"I'm not afraid of that, Grimmjow, I'm afraid of not being here when you need me."

"I've been better, haven't I? I went outside three times this week. I ate every meal, I exercised I—"

"Yes, Grimmjow," Ichigo realized his refusal might be making the other doubt his remarkable progress. "You've been so much better. I guess I'm just worried about messing up all that progress."

"You won't."

"Then okay. I'll go back to school."

"Good."

"Yeah..." Ichigo let anxiety fade to relief, to happiness. He wanted to go back to school but he'd been afraid. "But if you change your mind-"

"I won't. Night, Ichigo."

"Night Grimmjow." The espada watched him leave and sat back heavily on his bed. More nightmares would come, if he dared go back to sleep, but he had seen the hint of a smile in Ichigo, and that was enough to get him through the dark night.

* * *

School started two weeks later. Ichigo had spent that whole time preparing Grimmjow for days alone, even though the other insisted he would be fine. He had started listening to the radio. He attempted tv, it was still a bit of a risk as the strobe effect could trigger memories or conditions. He had a key so he could go to the exercise room, or leave if he needed to. On Monday morning, Grimmjow listened to Ichigo repeat every instruction again with a half smile.

"I'll be fine." He repeated for the hundredth time as Ichigo frantically packed a lunch and gathered all the things he needed for the day.

"Call me if you need anything."

"I won't because I'll be fine."

"Still-"

"Ichigo, just go."

He stopped and let out a long breath. "Sorry, I know you're okay. I'm just worried. Bye."

Grimmjow waved him out.

Yes, the day was long without Ichigo. But so were the nights when you barely slept. So had been that year deaf and blind in Soul Society. So he could handle a little loneliness.

What he was having difficulty with, was that fact he had no place anymore. Yes, Ichigo had welcomed him into his home, but being his patient wasn't exactly what he wanted in life. He needed something to do. Going back to Hueco Mundo presented the exact same problem. There, he had striven to be the strongest. With all his competition dead, he'd already accomplished that. He had nothing to accomplish there either. With his strength he could be king, but king of a dead world and a broken throne.

He found himself looking forward to when Ichigo got home, to hear about his day, even if talk of boring professors and not understanding statistics really meant nothing to him. But then Ichigo was busy with homework and though he would sit at the kitchen table to do work, it still left Grimmjow with silence.

He began to venture out on his own, mostly a night. At night, there were fewer people, fewer noises, and though it made Ichigo anxious, he also understood that there was nothing that could hurt Grimmjow in this world, especially if he left in his soul form and moved about unseen. In the dark, Grimmjow's eyes were sharp, he saw what most couldn't hidden in shadow. He felt more at peace, like he was back in his homeworld, hunting prey.

But there was nothing to hunt. He would just move over the rooftops and watch the city. Always, he scanned for threats. He didn't know if he could ever be completely at ease again, afraid that the soul reapers would come for him. Their word meant nothing to him, he knew he would probably die still looking over his shoulder, expecting to see Soifon or another standing there, saying it was time for him to go back.

But he did his best to fight past the feeling. He didn't let it keep him locked inside anymore. He would beat back everything that made him into the mess he'd become. He would not let Kurotsuchi win, not now, not after everything.

It was a few weeks later that things changed. Ichigo yawned in class. Grimmjow had been sick in the night after a particularly bad nightmare that had spun out into a panic attack. Though it didn't happen often anymore, from time to time the nightmare would win out and no matter what Grimmjow did he would be dragged back into horror and darkness.

Ichigo hadn't wanted to leave him that morning, but the other had insisted from where he sat on the couch, staring with vacant eyes onto the city below them.

So when he felt the flare of Grimmjow's spiritual pressure from his desk at the university five kilometres away, he bolted, leaving an auditorium of students staring at the trail of papers that had flown in his wake.

He ran flat out along icy sidewalks, drawn to the dark energy ripping through the air. But it was all over by the time he got there. He rounded the corner to a car park and came to a halt, frozen in fear.

Grimmjow knelt over a bleeding form, black robes torn, a zanpakuto shattered.

"Oh no...what happened?" But he heard a sputtered cough and saw the soul reaper was still alive.

"Go..." The soldier choked out. It was the latest guardian of their city, a young soul reaper. But he didn't look at Grimmjow with fear in his eyes, instead with pleading.

Grimmjow stood and drew his sword.

"Grimmjow, what are you-"

"Get down!" Ichigo was in his body, and had no way out at the moment, but even so, he felt the sudden dark pressure at his back, the rumbling breath of the hollow puffed out ominously around him.

"Shit..."

In his human body he was too slow to dodge, but instead of feeling teeth or claws, he felt cold ground smack into him when he was struck by another form. Grimmjow rolled them out of a dangerous swipe before spring up with Pantera at the ready. A rain of black blood sprayed down on his formerly white collared shirt and the beast of a hollow turned to spiritual dust.

"Ugh." Ichigo sat up from the snow that also soaked him, a complete mess and shivering in the cold but he looked to Grimmjow who stood above him, flicking the hollow's blood from his blade. "Thanks."

Grimmjow offered him a hand and he stood. "He's injured." He indicated the soul reaper.

"Crap." Ichigo moved to the young man's side. His breaths were ragged but he had already gotten his soul pager out and was calling for assistance. It didn't take long for someone from the Fourth to arrive and once they did Ichigo and Girmmjow left.

They went home, Ichigo had to change and he didn't feel like walking back into class after his dramatic exit. When they made it to the apartment, Grimmjow stopped Ichigo from going to the shower.

"What is it?"

"You thought I'd lost it, didn't you?"

"What?"

"You thought it was me who'd attacked that soul reaper, I saw it in your eyes."

"Grimmjow, I was confused, I didn't expect to feel your spirit and-"

"It's alright. I think he thought I was going to off him until I saved his ass." He ran a hand through his hair, he too, was splattered from the blood but also covered in sweat. It had been a powerful hollow and he must have been fighting it for a while before Ichigo had arrived.

"You saved him, and me."

"I know I did."

Ichigo watched him carefully.

"So...what's wrong?"

"How often do you have clean up after the Soul Reapers, Ichigo?"

"You mean kill hollows?"

"Yeah."

"I don't know, a few times a week. You know Karakura attracts higher numbers than usual."

"Yeah. And someone more powerful than a mediocre Soul Reaper should be on watch in this town."

"Are you saying you want to?"

"I'm saying I've got nothing, Ichigo, no purpose. But this- this is something I can do."

Ichigo considered. "How do you feel?"

"I feel strong Ichigo. Killing hollows has nothing to do with what happened to me. In fact, for those few minutes I was fighting that thing, I was me again, I was a warrior and nothing more."

"Well then, I guess that's the answer. If it's what you want to do, you should."

"Okay then. That's what I want."

"Good."

"Good."

But Ichigo didn't turn away. He watched Grimmjow so long the other finally had to ask.

"What?"

But he didn't speak. He forgot the mess they both were, covered in hollow blood, and pulled Grimmjwo against him.

"Ichigo, what is it?"

"Nothing." But emotion was thick in the young man's voice. "I just... I've just waited for this moment for so long."

"Yeah, that makes two of us." When he didn't feel Ichigo letting go, he slowly brought his arms up around the teen as well. It felt strange to hug someone out of happiness, and not when he was in the throes of utter despair. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah. Sorry." Ichigo withdrew slowly.

"You went through alot for me Ichigo." Grimmjow said when he thought he understood why Ichigo had become so emotional.

"It was nothing, compared to what happened to you."

"Then don't compare it." He said bluntly. "That doesn't mean you didn't suffer."

"Well we're past that now. It's only uphill from here. You're getting your life back." He gripped his shoulder with one hand. "And I don't want to wake up one day and find you gone." He was worried this conversation was headed in that direction. "This is your home now. You have friends here."

"You're worried I'll run to Hueco Mundo."

"Yes. And if someday that's what you want, I'll accept that, but for now, will you promise you'll stay?"

"You sure that's what you want? I mean, my nightmares, my baggage, when you have school, university?"

"Yes, Grimmjow, I'm sure. So will you promise?"

Grimmjow let out a sigh. "Yeah, I promise."

"Good." Ichigo sighed too. "Now, I really do need a shower." He continued into the washroom and shut the door. Grimmjow stood there hearing the water turn on, thinking about the boy beyond, he'd once tried to kill, thinking about the long years that stretched between then and now. What had happened, how he'd changed, but more, he thought to the future, to the next days, months, years. Maybe fighting hollows wouldn't be enough. Maybe he would desire to return to his moonlit world.

Maybe.

But not now. Now he could only rise each day for two reasons: one hung in his hilt at his side, and the other now drenched himself in hot water.

After so long of waiting to be whole once more, he wouldn't split himself in two again.

So he sat on the couch, and lay Pantera across his knees, shutting his eyes to the sound of thundering water that a few weeks ago would have given him chest pains. But it didn't bother him now. He knew this place. He knew Ichigo was with him.

He was safe.

He was healing.

He was home.

* * *

_**THE END! Wow, this was a very unplanned piece of work from the beginning and I never expected the response and support I have recieved from all of you so THANK YOU so much for all of it! I wanted to give it a happy ending, but obviously tempered with the reality that Grimmjow has more progress to make. I hope you will find it appropriate and satisfying. Thanks again for following this story with me.**_

_**I am trying to wrap up my other fictions as well. I have also been trying to give up fanfic because of my own original project I've been working on, but I find the feedback of this site helps me stay positive about the possibility of being published for my own work someday. Still, I will be trying to back off a bit and not publish quite so much at once. I have another completed story that I will start publishing soon as I edit it. It's going to be called "Point Blank" it's an AU Ichigo and Grimmjow fiction, I quite like it, so it you are interested, keep an eye out for that.**_

_**Again, thanks so much for your support on this one. I'd love to read your final thoughts,**_

_**Riza A. Winters**_


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